Post # 1
- Wedding: September 2011 - Boy #1 12/2015, boy #2 02/2018
Hi fellow bees,
I have a very serious question, please don’t get offended. The only reason we are waiting to have kids is because there a few milestones we want to accomplish before TTC. Of course everyone is different, but my question is, did you plan your baby once you were ready or it just sorted happened? Did it feel that it was thing you were suppose to do or you were for sure completely ready to have one? Did it take you less than you thought to get ready? I have been married for over a year, and I don’t feel the rush to have a baby now that I am married. I still have a few things that I would like to accomplish, but if we do end up having a surprise pregnancy, we would be just as happy. I guess I feel a little behind when I see so many bees who have been married less than a year already pregnant or TTC. Don’t get me wrong, I almost 28, so I am not that young. Please share if you will. I don’t judge anyone.
Post # 3
@candy11: This kinda sounds like my post . Commenting on this– would love to read other bees’ responses on here! PS- I made the Poll you suggested. 🙂
Post # 4
I am 30 and he is 35, no I was not “ready” to have a baby, but I was prepared if it happened. Fi and I will be getting married next year and recently got a wonderful surprise. We were prepared to accept the life that was gifted to us, but not ready per sey. Do you get what I am saying? We were not activly trying, but more than happy to have a baby if it happened.
Post # 5
I felt 100% ready, but then again, I’d wanted to be a mom for as long as I could remember and i waited until I was 34 to do other things first.
Post # 6
my son was a suprise as was this one actually (i am apprently rediculously fertle so if freaking ANYTHING happens to interfear with bc its like BOOM! preggo) and i will tell you this….
when i first found out abotu my son i was not ready. once he was born i was but at first it was a panic. and with this one though i feel more prepared i dont feel ready. i think its one of those things that at first you start off at oh my god how are we going to do this to well this is going to be interesting lets do it.
it may also be the difference in activly planning vs a suprise baby.
Post # 7
I’ve always wanted to be a young mom, but when I got pregnant at 22 (had her at 23, I’m now 24), I was in no way ready. She came as a surprise since I was on birth control, in school, and working part time. Emotionally I was in the right place, but I wasn’t financially ready. My boyfriend was 31 and was in no rush to have children. I wish we would have had time to buy a house and get financially ready, married, and in a better place. I would have liked to travel a bit and have a little more time as a couple (we were together 5 years when I we had her). I’m glad it did happen though, and I think it gave us more motivation to finally get married, work harder for better jobs, etc. After I got over the initial shock, it didn’t take me long to be “ready” though. I think you should enjoy some time with your husband and not rush things, and if it happens, it happens! I think it will take you a lot less time to feel “ready” when it actually happens. It’s crazy how fast the excitement hits you!
Post # 8
My Dear Daughter was a total surprise.
I was 23 when I found out I was pregnant and no, I was not ready. I ALWAYS knew I wanted to be a mother.. always. I had been a nanny for years, was a sunday school teacher, I was great with kids. Once it was time for me to be a mother I completely second guessed my mothering skills even though I had nurtured SO many other children.
I went most of pregnancy going back and forth between “woo hoo! I’m going to be a mom” to “holy crap, I hope I dont screw this up”
My best friend just had twins with IVF and they tried and tried for years and the entire IVF process took a little over a year.. she planned and planned and she told me the entire time even she didn’t feel ready!
I feel no matter how much planning, reading etc you’re never FULLY ready for the craziness that comes with kids. It always falls together though, once your home is filled with all the love that comes with the blessing of a child, nothing else really gets in the way of that.
Enjoy this time with your hubby, its so much harder to squeeze in alone time once kids are involved. 🙂
Post # 9
Like the other bees I have always wanted to be a mother. I was very excited and thought I was ready to have a baby, even though my son was a surprise. Being a mother is NOTHING like what you think it is going to be like, even if you are the most prepared person. Until you have your first kid, you just cant even imagine.
When you are ready to give your life completely over to another human (who you will love more than any other) then you are ready to have a baby… If you want to have a couple more years to travel and enjoy some alone time with your hubby, wait 🙂
Post # 10
I went through phases where I really wanted nothing more than to be a mother and others where I thought I would hold off for a long time, if I ever had kids. Ultimately Darling Husband and I were married and I knew we would have kids, but we just weren’t sure when. We started talking seriously about it a bit before we got married, as I was 26 and Darling Husband was 30. The closer we got, the more I started feeling like I wasn’t ready. So we waited a bit longer. We stopped using birth control and managed to get pregnant right away.
Looking back I think I was ready. It changed a lot of things, and there are a few things I might have done first, but DS is the best thing in my life.
Post # 11
Its such a personal choice. Good luck and weigh all options. We were just married in June and we are going to try to enjoy a year together before we even begin to think about it. If you are planning ..baby dust and love to all!!!! Happy Holidays!!
Post # 12
i definitely feel like i’m ready. i feel like i’ve been ready for the past 2-3 years. nervous, but ready. DH? not so much… hence the delay.
Post # 13
I dont really know what milestones their are to reach before having a baby??
Fiance and I are getting married in November next year and plan TTC in July the year after. I have always wanted to be a young mum and Fiance and I know we are ready. We understand that there will be many opun many hard days/nights but worth it.
EDIT: Fiance and I are 21. Will be 22 at wedding and 23 when TTC
Post # 14
@candy11: well, i was married less than a year when i got pregnant and although i was having baby fever, and Darling Husband and I talked about if i did pregnant by surprise, we would be ok with it, i don’t think i was really ready. i had other things i wanted to accomplish as well (like finishing my PhD, getting a job and work experience, paying off debt, and enjoying married life with no kids!). So i didn’t really get to do anything of those things and we have a baby now. I am in love with my son though i admit sometimes i wish i was finished the things i wanted to finish before having him (mainly my PhD). And i was in a very stressful situation where i got my dream job, but had to tell them i was pregnant as soon as i accepted the job and i only got to work for 3 months before taking my mat leave. such is life though and when i try to think about how certain events could have been different, then it means i might not have my son, well, i don’t really want it any other way. i know i will finsih my PhD soon enough and i will go back to work and get more experiecne. we will still enjoy being married and get to more things once it gets easier taking care of a baby (he is only a month). It’s just not all happening on the timetable i wanted, but it will and is happening.
Post # 15
Darling Husband and I had the talk but neither of us were really ready for it, but knew we would likely want to do have one in the next year or two. I had decided to go off the pill this year as I hated taking it, so we knew it was a risk we could run into, but honestly never thought it would happen.
I found out I pregnant in June. It was a total shock since I had not even had a period since February (but was charting). After the initial shock, we realized that while we aren’t ‘ready’, we will be by the time baby comes, or at least do our best. I’ll see once he gets here in February how I feel, but it has definitely turned to excitement now that I’m getting close.
For us, I think this was the best way for it to happen. Darling Husband is never one to just agree to things and will debate forever. It took us 3 years to even plan our wedding after we got engaged, as he didn’t want to plan it yet. I pretty much told him after 3 years it was now or we won’t be engaged, as I was so fed up with all the questions and comments. I just don’t see him being one to go “hey lets try to have a baby” at any point in time, so a surprise just worked out. I’m 31 weeks now, and he still doesn’t want to talk about names because it’s a “permanent decision”… yep, that’s my DH!
Post # 16
As long as I can remember, I’ve always wanted to be a Mommy, but our Dear Daughter was absolutely unplanned, and to be completely honest, I was scared sh*tless when I found out I was pregnant… Darling Husband was, as well.
We were young (21 and 24), were in a LDR, he was in school (for the 3rd time–such an over-achiever, lol), and I was supporting myself, my mother and my 16-year-old sister, since all they felt like doing all day was sit around, and smoke weed… together. But, I digress.
We made it work, though. We remained in our LDR until Dear Daughter was 9-months-old, I went back to work after 3 months instead of taking my year of maternity leave, and I stopped being a doormat to my family. Was it hard? Absolutely! Do I regret it? Not one bit. We may not have been ‘ready’, but we worked together, and thrived. We did everything backwards, and not the traditional way (baby, house and THEN marriage), but it has worked for us.
Our Dear Daughter is now 8yo, and she’s such amazing light in our lives. She’s spunky, extremely well-mannered, kind, outspoken, and smart as a whip! We couldn’t imagine life without her… I guess everything happens for a reason!