(Closed) Serious situation – uninviting future in laws? OH DAMN!

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 32
Member
323 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

So.. having read none of the previous posts, this is my suggestion:

If you cannot uninvite them (and even if more people come), have the ceremony, reception, etc with everyone… and then change hotels and tell no one which one you are staying at. Unless they physically stalk you down, then you will be alone with your Fiance 🙂

Post # 36
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

When I was considering going away I was ok with the idea that everyone who could come would BUT I communicated that we would SET up a dinner or an outing together and that was IT. If I was waiting on rsvps I would talk with my Fiance and say — if no one else is coming and we know your people won’t easily accept limited time together would you be against ASKING them to agree to a together schedule and an apart schedule so that we can accomplish both goals – honoring the family connection and bonding on this important occasion..

Words cannot hurt – discussions do not start wars. It will be more scary to jump in and start the conversation with them but until it’s brought up as a concern you’ll never know. 

To be even more not  helpful – my mom and his mom may very well be coming on the cruise we’ve booked for our honeymoon – but his dad died about a month ago and, well, I won’t mind dinners with them ~ we all need a break. 

Post # 38
Member
1772 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I’m guessing you didn’t invite 100 ppl. I don’t understand at all why you can’t just talk to the other few ppl you invited and ask if they’re coming (or why you didn’t ask them before sending out invites). If any of the other ppl are coming, cool (although, personally, being on any type of trip with her parents as you describe them sounds awful). If they’re not, let everybody know that you’re canceling the wedding in rio and eloping there instead. if you want to get married in rio (as wedding or eloping), I’m not sure why you have to give that up. 

Do domestic thing before or after if you want. 

Post # 40
Member
1772 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

View original reply
@CocoClassic:  what you’re saying about ppl backing out unless and until flights are actually purchased makes full sense and I agree.  I really hope ppl can make it and you get the wedding you want.

as for your FI’s parents, I guess I have a low threshhold for neediness.  I’m an easy-going, independent person who researches and plans well and I find neediness to be an unneccesary stress, so I’d really prefer not to be w/ppl like your FI’s parents when I’m abroad (often too much even on domestic trips- like if you lose your room key every 5 mins, that’s fine, but really don’t expect me to look for it with you every time- I’ll be at the pool enjoying my vacay).  her parents would think I’m so mean probably (or not b/c I could never plan a trip with them).  for other ppl who can handle it, I respect your patience

Post # 42
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I was just wondering, if your Future In-Laws are needy and clingy when abroad and want to spend lots of time with you and your Fiance, does it really matter whether there are other people around? I reckon they would still want to spend all that time with you two. Also your Fiance would still probably be worried about their well-being, plus she might worry about your other guests’ needs too.

Post # 44
Member
1915 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I read your original post and it’s mostly about your wants for the wedding day.  I think it’s a little sad that your fiance has to compromise on not having her family at your wedding day when they’ve embraced your marriage so acceptingly.

My poor fiance had to deal with lots of my family during my wedding, including my mom insisting that we get an extra bed at our hotel after our wedding so my brother could stay with me.  I think he understood it’s part of the package.  We were able to have a wonderful mini moon in the Catksills away from all of our family, which was lovely.  Every major celebration of my life I’ve been surrounded by tons of good food and all of my family.

I think if you truly want to elope, you should tell them as soon as possible.

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