- 8 years ago
- Wedding: January 2011
Writing this post makes me sad, and maybe makes me sound like a brat, but I feel that I compromised too much to make my fiance happy with our wedding. Please allow me to vent.
I didn’t have huge Cinderella dreams for a wedding, but there were a couple things I took for granted: having family AND close friends present for the big day, having a Maid/Matron of Honor or bridesmaid to take care of the little details that pop up, and having the wedding and reception on the same day.
None of those are happening at our wedding. No friends, no wedding party and a plain restaurant dinner after the ceremony. My fiance’s family and circle of friends is large and complicated, and he didn’t want to pick and choose relatives and friends for a 150-person max ceremony and reception. So we are having a destination wedding with only parents and siblings in attendance. I have three family members coming–my fiance has eight. Originally my best friend and her family were coming, along with my fiance’s best friend, but then my BFF tells me she is pregnant, and due two weeks before our destination wedding, and can’t come. So fiance then scraps having any friends in attendance at all.
With a tiny guest list of all relatives, I’ve done all the planning myself. No one has been able to come to my dress fittings. Most relatives haven’t been to this destination and cannot offer planning help. Fiance is hard to pin down on details and decisions. My dad has offered us a generous amount of money to pay for everything, but is now griping about the way certain plans are being made. Some of fiance’s relatives are having tough times financially, so 50% of our wedding budget is paying for the airfare and lodging of others, which squeezes out other things.
The main thought coursing through my head these days is that I can’t wait to get this over with. I vary between stressed out to the point I can’t sleep and so apathetic I forget I’m getting married sometimes. Isn’t that terrible?
We’re supposed to have an at-home reception in April or May, but I can’t get fiance to commit to a day or a location. He won’t give me his guest list so I can figure how big a venue we need. I really get the impression he doesn’t want to do it at all, but I really want a chance to celebrate my life milestone with my close friends. I hate being a Debbie Downer, but it’s hard to muster any enthusiasm when people ask how the wedding plans are going. Not to mention I feel extraordinarily guilty when people ask about the wedding date for their calendar and I have to tell every one of them that it’s family only.
I agreed to all of this, so I don’t really have room to complain. I just wish I was more excited about it. It’s more stressful than fun, given that I really want my family and future in laws to have a good time, an they are the only ones I will see on our wedding day. My fiance is a wonderful man in so many respects, but he has really checked out of the wedding he asked for. He doesn’t like making decisions, so he has just dumped it all on me to take care of, and it is frustrating.
Thanks for listening, everyone.