(Closed) Seriously about ready to give up

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’m sorry you’re feelin down in the dumps, the holidays are tough.

I skimmed some of your previous posts, but couldn’t tell whether you and your SO have seriously discussed marriage and timeframes.  Has he told you if/when he wants to be married?  Has he told you that he knows he wants to marry you?  Why does he get mad when you tell him you want to be engaged?

Post # 4
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Awww…I know it sucks. I was in your shoes at this time last year and I hated it. Didn’t make it any better that then-BF gave me a pair of diamond earrings for Christmas. Just know that it’s not anything wrong with you!

I knot it’s easier said than done, especially at this time of year, but try not to let it get you too down. Have you read the book His Cold Feet? That helped me out a lot when I was really upset.

Also, how old are you guys? How long have you been dating? Have you had a serious talk about getting engaged?

Post # 6
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Do you even want a “surprise?” Or is that just him?

And maybe explain to him that you aren’t necessarily jealous of your friends, because I doubt you are truly jealous, but that you just wonder why you can’t have what they seem to have, etc.

Post # 7
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Guys seem to really feel the pressure to plan this amazing, over the top, surprise proposal. I have read more than a few stories by women saying that once they stopped mentioning weddings/engagements, their man proposed shortly after. Are you doing the Christmas Challenge? Maybe you could try extending it until your birthday to see if that changes anything.

What are yall doing for the holidays? Any chance something is in the works?

Something that always helped me when I got frustrated was to go work out. It was the only activity that got my mind off things.

Post # 9
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

It sounds like he loves you, but isn’t ready yet.  Have you been together long?

Post # 10
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

@katydiddle: Guys have a hard time understanding that. I’m not entirely sure why? But apparently we are “supposed” to be jealous? And if we say we’re not, we’re lying? Yeah. Don’t get it.

And for the record, I agree that you can be surprised with a timeframe. I was. Did I know it was coming? Yes. Did I know within __ amount of months? Yes. Was it still sweetly surprising? 🙂 Totally.

And it saved me a lot of worried days to know “oh it’s okay, it’ll be soon enough.” I think that’s all you really want.

I second @EleanorRigby:‘s question. Are you two thinking “soon” as in the same page? Or are you a few steps ahead of him still?

 

Post # 11
Member
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Does your boyfriend know your timeline? Because it should be both of your timelines. I think it’s a little crazy to give up on  relationship because a secret timeline has passed. It’s pointless to get frustrated at something not happening when you haven’t discussed it. He can’t read your mind.

Post # 13
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Ah, but is he thinking fall 2011 or fall 2012?

Both are contenders at this point in 2010.

Post # 14
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Oh girl, you sound just like me. Seriously, what part of Ohio are you from?? Maybe it was something in the water where I grew up!

I agree with the PP who said it should be both of yalls’ timeline, not just yours. Then-BF and I sat down and agreed upon a time by which it would happen, and that worked out well for us.

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