(Closed) Seriously, am I crazy?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

It’s ok to vent, you’re not being awful. But DWs can be tricky money and time wise. If someone says they can’t afford it, then likely they can’t, even if they make more money than you do (kids are expensive!) If my best friend were having a Destination Wedding I’d 99.9% be sure I probably woudln’t be able to go. I don’t have the time or money that I could be able to do it. If I put years of work into a degree I’d be walking at my graduation. It’s just life.

It’d be great if everyone were so present and into everyone else’s weddings, but that’s just not always how it is. You’ll have a great day regardless.

Post # 4
Member
1562 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I don’t think you’re awful, or crazy, but I do think you need to calm down a bit.  In the end, the people who make it to your wedding are the ones who really care about you.  It will hurt if your family doesn’t make it, especially considering all the effort you have given in the past for their events.  However, I do think that some of their reasonings are justified.  If your Boyfriend or Best Friend can’t make your AHR until after her college graduation, then chalk it up to an unfortunate double schedule and welcome her when she gets there.

Post # 5
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

The only part I think is crazy, is where you’re upset about the friend graduating. The rest of it I totally understand. However, with all destination weddings, I think people are setting themselves up for disappointment. You have to go in knowing that people, even one’s you’re very close with, may not be able to go. 

My bff is getting married in November and having a destination wedding. I can’t go because I’m having a baby in June, and Darling Husband is using all of his allotted time off for the baby. So we can’t attend and she’s really mad and it’s ruining our friendship. 

Don’t let this kind of stuff ruin relationships. It’s not worth it.

Post # 6
Member
1773 posts
Buzzing bee

I have to say, let your friend walk!!

 

And also, sometimes people make more money but already have financial commitments. 

 

Unfortunately it’s the pain of a Destination Wedding. You’re not crazy though. I’m assuming while planning you thought more people would be going.

Post # 7
Member
964 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I feel your pain. I have travel to all of my friends’ weddings and girls weekends. Spent lots of $$$. Now it’s my turn and they all have something else going on for girls weekend. I even selected a central location and offered for spouses and kids to come… No go. They’ll “be at the wedding and are soooo excited”. Whatever, I can’t tell!! So I hope in the end you are happy andvenjoy the time with those who DO come and not focus on those who don’t. Good luck

Post # 8
Member
869 posts
Busy bee

I’m sorry you’re going through this.  Please try not to take it too personally (I know it’s hard). It’s tough (financially) to raise a family, and I think as people get older, they prioritize differently – they have different investments, obligations etc.  I used to be the same – going everywhere I could to be at every event possible, spending thousands of dollars because I HAD to be there.  Now I know I just couldn’t, because I have more obligations (a little girl to make sure I can provide for, and a mortgage to make sure I pay).  I’m sure they want to be there, but just can’t.  I’d never heard the phrase “Don’t make anyone a priority who considers you optional” before…but I’m happy you shared it.  I think they’re good words to live by.

Post # 10
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think it’s perfectly fine to be emotional and disappointed, I get it. You want the people you love most to be with you on your day. But try to keep in mind that destination weddings are tricky; vacation time, money, school issues for the kids, etc.

What you said about your sisters though sort of reminds me of my own sister in a lot of ways. She’s married, has kids, and really, her life is about her. I love my sister to the ends of the earth, but we’ve had a lot of conversations where she never asked how I’m doing and whenever there’s a break in the conversation she fills it with “Let’s see… What else is going on here…” She’s really wrapped up in her bubble. I think a lot of people do that. She’s not doing it maliciously, it’s just…. what it is I guess.

Your FBIL’s, that’s pretty rude of them not to respond to your Fiance asking them to be in the wedding. I’d be hurt by that too. But if one of their wives can’t make it due to the expense, that’s just what it is. There’s nothing you can do about that.

I think you need to remember that weddings aren’t tit for tat. Just because you went to someone else’s doesn’t necessarily mean they have to come to yours. Of course you want other people to go to the trouble you went to, that’s human nature. I’m that kind of person too, inevitably I get let down and my feelings get hurt. It sucks, there’s no two ways about that one 🙁

Post # 11
Member
6123 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I had a destination wedding planned (today I had to undo it all, see my other post).  Although the wedding was closest to us, it would be a Destination Wedding even if it were in our own backyard since no one lives in our time zone.

I think wedding parties should be skipped with DWs.  This is in hindsight, but people have to pay so much to travel, adding a dress and responsibilities to it can be burdensome.

Also with Destination Wedding, since people are so scattered, some of the “perks” of traditional weddings are simply too hard logistically due to the distances – like bridal showers.  I don’t think it was proper to “remind” your sisters of a custom.  I’m sure if they really had the time/energy/money to throw you a shower they would something planned already.  No one had any planned for me and I just accepted it as that’s how it goes when you’re all scattered.

Basically, with Destination Wedding you cannot expect too much from people because more expenses are put on your guests.  Yes it will be sucky if your families don’t all show up, but sometimes that’s how it goes.

Sorry you’re having a bad day.  Sometimes I have to remind myself that only Fiance and I are the excited ones and no one ele’s excitement will ever come close to ours. 

Post # 13
Member
1747 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

That’s really ashame about all the people not able to come. As far as I’m concerned and like another PP said, the people who really want to be there will be there, and in that moment you will be having so much fun and be experiencing so much joy, all this fretting and sadness will go by the wayside.

There’s a light at the end of the tunnel, lady. 

 

Post # 16
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@artichokey:  You’re a heck of a lot more accomodating than I am 😉 I’ll leave it at that. Have you actually had a heart to heart with either (or both) of your sisters and let them know how you’re feeling? I feel like there’s a lot going on in your relationship, and this may be your chance to sort of clear the air. Use this as your opportunity to speak up and say ‘hey, I’m an important part of the family too!’.

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