(Closed) Seriously Annoyed!!!! Is SO a helpless hypochondriac or is it me!!

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
3281 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Hey, I just want to weigh in with my personal story.

My Fiance really struggles with hypochondria at times. It is a real psychological issue, so I’m a little nervous at all of the posters who are saying he’s just doing this for attention/being offensive/etc. You would never say, “Oh, that person with depression is just lazy and selfish!” so I don’t think it’s appropriate to do that for hypochondria either.

Hypochondria is really tough on both the sufferer and their partner/family. The thing about real hypochondria/health anxiety is that it’s not just like, “Oh, haha, I think I have whatever WedMD says!”–the person LITERALLY thinks he/she is dying.

My Fiance has been totally convinced that he is dying on multiple occasions. For us, it tends to happen when he is bored. I know that sounds crazy, but when he is not super-busy, he just thinks a lot, and he tends to inflate his health anxieties (which are always present, at a low level) into major crises. My Fiance also had some severe health anxiety issues (some of his worst ever) right before he proposed, while we were on vacation. I also was really worried that it was about the proposal/impending engagement–it’s very hard to feel like you may be contributing to your partner’s struggles! It’s not your fault though, and it DEFINITELY doesn’t mean that he’s not happy/excited about the engagement.

I really like this article: http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200912/hypochondria-the-impossible-illness

Your SO needs therapy and possibly anxiety medication. And you mentioned that you are seeing a therapist as well, which is really great–it’s really tough to have a partner with any kind of psychological issues. 

Post # 33
Member
881 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

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@annonbee1234:  Omeprazole is the generic version of Prilosec but essentially they are the same medication. Both are protein pump inhibitors and that is the common treatment. I did not respond to Prevacid well because even though that is a PPI the makeup is a little different and a third option is nexium which I personally have never tried. 

Post # 34
Member
237 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I get the not being able to do anything for himself. My Fiance is like that because his mom has coddled him his entire life and did everything for him.

The lung cancer idea, could he be self diagnosing? I’m so guilty of that. Maybe he has a few acute symptoms jumped on the Web MD and they told him he has lung cancer. Maybe go to the doctor with him and actually go back with him and all 3 of you talk about it.

Post # 35
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think first you need to separate the issues.

 

1. Him doing things by himself is important. You should absolutely have a talk with him about it. Also simply refuse to take on those roles, so if he calls you at work again. Say I’m working and I can’t do that, you need handle it yourself.

 

2.Health issues.

From how you describe him he sounds super anxious and not in a good spot. From what you said it doesn’t seem like he purposeful doing things to delay an engagement. Frankly I think it sould be at the bottom of your list of worries at this time.  If he was diagnosed with acid reflux, it means that he isn’t crazy or a hypochondriac he clearly has something wrong with him.

 

 Also can you imagine how it feels, if you feel sick and you know something wrong with you and no believes you? Doctors get things wrong all the time, and if he feels something wrong with him I think he needs the benefit of the doubt, and should get second opinions.

 

In the meantime encourage him to begin eating better which is very important with acid reflux, and following all the steps correctly. By the way he isn’t crazy my uncle had acid reflux that caused another thing(forgot what it’s called) and he was told he was lucky by doctors because left untreated it can be a factor in developing cancer. So he isn’t completely off base here.

It is the smart and the prudent thing  for him to get an second opinion, and I think you need to support his efforts, and more importantly listen to him and not be dismissive of him or label him as being hypochondric.

If he has a recent weight gain coupled with his recent behavior with freaking out and being anxious even if it is the case that he isn’t as sick as he thinks, clearly emotionally and mentally he having serious issues that need to be address.

 

I think you need to be more supportive, yes your engagement is important but it needs to be on the back burner, especially if he isn’t in a good mind frame right now.

Post # 36
Member
6033 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

@annonbee1234:  keep him away from google, web md! sounds like he’s been just really convincing himself something is wrong. If I get a headache I’m convinced it’s because I have a tumor in there and I just don’t know it. But it sounds like your SO is really probably just suffering from the effects of bad habits. Not cancer. If he had cancer he would more than likely be losing weight, not gaining it. thats just the tip of the iceburg. If he needs to get a second opinion, let him but if it continues then it’s time to sit down and really figure out what’s going on mentally.

Post # 37
Member
211 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

He may be noticing something wrong with his body but be completely off on what it could be. I went to doctors for 3 years trying to find answers for myself and got diagnosised with colon cancer, which I thought was something else. I would have him follow up with another doctor for a full work up but see why he feels he has lung cancer of all things. I would also say that you go with him to the appointment since people tend to not tell their doctors the whole story about their daily life which may have the doctor just push him to start eating right. I find it weird it came out of no where so he may need to just get off the internet if this is the first episode

Post # 38
Member
2478 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

It sounds to me as if he may be making excuses for his appalling eating habits and disinterest in doing anything about them, to be honest! People with cancer lose weight. Fact. Also, it can be a bit of a “get out of jail free” card because nobody is going to hassle a cancer sufferer about their lifestyle. But anyone eating at Wendys every day followed by the equivalent of 3 meals is going to have indigestion at the very least. 

Now I don’t know why he’s jumped on lung cancer as a diagnosis and sure, it might well be that he’s a hypochondriac but I’d want to know what’s at the bottom of all this. Is he insecure about getting engaged? 

Post # 39
Member
982 posts
Busy bee

@annonbee1234:  That would drive me nuts. Unless he has some of the symptoms of lung cancer, it’s unlikely that he has it. If the next doctor can refer him for a chest X-ray, hopefully that will be the end of his self diagnosis. Weight gain is typically not a symptom of cancer, it’s usually unintentional weight loss. I guess at times we can feel something isn’t right, and can assume the worst. I’ve had a H.Pylori infection which made me feel like I was going to die. I know a guy who had acid reflux and called an ambulance because he thought he was having a heart attack – the pain can be very similar. Better to be safe than sorry, but I don’t know why your Fiance has come to a lung cancer conclusion! If he’s still not happy with the second opinion, then he may need psychological help more than anything.

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