(Closed) Seriously?! bit of a rant

posted 6 years ago in Pregnancy
  • poll: Is it a good idea to have more children when finances force you to move back in with parents?
    No, it's irresponsible : (92 votes)
    70 %
    yes, you should have children when it suits you : (8 votes)
    6 %
    only if you'll be able to move out again soon : (23 votes)
    17 %
    other : (9 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    7680 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I’d say that’s irresponsible of your Aunt taking them in. She’s hiding them from the consequences. (OK I  see you’ve said that, her inability to say no).

    I’m uncomfortable with telling married people it’s irresponsible to be pregnant. Perhaps a better way to put it is inappropriate to live with mother instead of finding a home they can afford, regardless of how many children they have.

    Post # 4
    Member
    8091 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    @Eckle:  “It just seems like they are taking advantage of my Aunt’s generosity and inability to say no.”  — Is this Aunt the cousins’ mom? If so, her inability to set boundaries should not be mistaken for generosity. What a sucky situation for all, including the fetus.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1106 posts
    Bumble bee

    Maybe you can try to talk to your aunt and see what she really thinks of the situation? Is it your mom’s sister or your dad’s sister? Maybe ask your mom to talk to your aunt as well? Just to make her see what’s really going on.  I hope things get worked out!

    Post # 7
    Member
    7770 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Different strokes I guess.  I mean, that is your Aunt’s family, right?  The aunt is the cousin’s mom?  While it seems a little off to me, I guess it is their family, you know?

    Post # 9
    Member
    342 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    At the end of the day if your aunt doesn’t mind then I don’t really think it’s anyone else’s place to judge.  In my opinion it’s up to your aunt to set the boundaries. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    1106 posts
    Bumble bee

    @Eckle:  Aww, dang.  And it’s not like they are being mistreated, but I wonder if your aunt is putting down everyone on her taxes?! And if your cousin(s) are also filing taxes as independents, because from a legal stand-point, that’s wrong.  I don’t want you to get them in trouble, just sounds like a weird and kind of lame situation.  🙁

    Post # 12
    Hostess
    3571 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    @Eckle:  If you’re 400 miles away, you don’t really know what the status quo is. You don’t know for sure that the kid eats MMs for dinner every night. It could be that they are more relaxed during times with visitors. 

    Do I think that it’s a little odd to have that many people living together? Yes. I wouldn’t do it personally. But I can see where their perseptive could be. After all, we only have a (relatively) short period of time where we can have children. Our finances, however, are generally fluid. So I can understand that someone would not want to make a decision that could affect the rest of their whole live – something as important as children – based on a financial situation that could chage. 

    Again, I personally wouldn’t make that decision. The same way I would never let my mother or grandmother be my “nanny” while I work. Lots of people do that though, don’t they? And we don’t judge them so harshly, do we?

    My point is, you really don’t know. You aren’t there every day, and you also don’t appear to know whether the aunt actually loves having them all there or really needs help in her day to day things – heck! Or even financially. None of this is worth getting worked up about because it really doesn’t affect you.

    Post # 13
    Member
    3314 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Based on the situation you are describing, I don’t particularly agree with their decision to have additional kids, but I think you are lumping stuff all together a bit unfairly.  My husband and I live with my folks and are actively ttc.  We are building our savings as much as we can while living with them – one of the biggest/only reasons for it.  So by your post, we shouldn’t be ttc because we don’t own a home of our own.  We thought about this long and hard and discussed it all with my parents before starting ttc and all of us determined that this was the best time to conceive.  I’m already going to be 38 this year and waiting until we both have a home of our own and then are financially stable AND can afford either for me to stay home or to hire baby-sitters just wasn’t feasible.  I’m running out of time too fast for that.  Neither of us is taking advantage of the situation, both of us continue to work and help out around the house, but for us this was the best way to go.  

    Who knows, as someone else said, maybe there is something going on similar that you aren’t aware of.

    Post # 15
    Member
    4354 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Some people are just like this. A close family friend of ours has 3 boys, the eldest has one daughter, the 2 other boys each have 2 and all of them live with the grandparents (the family friend). They are the nicest people but will never retire as they need to work to support their sons/grand daughters. They do absoultely EVERYTHING for them which makes the sons totally take advantage.

    Hard to judge because what would you do if it were your grandbabies? The only thing you can do is teach your kids independance and try to get them more stable on their feet before they start their own families but it doesn’t always happen that way.

    I wouldn’t have any more kids if I was having to live with my parents. Also, if the wife was a Stay-At-Home Mom but that wasn’t working out, why doesn’t she get a job now? I guess daycare for soon to be 3 kids would be too expensive. Hopefully once the kids (all or some) are in school she can get a job and get them back on their feet.

    The topic ‘Seriously?! bit of a rant’ is closed to new replies.

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