- 7 years ago
- Wedding: January 2017
Gone anon for obvious reasons. I’m a regular poster and the last few weeks several things have happened making me seriously consider calling off our wedding. This morning was kind of the kicker.
A bit of background info:
1. We’ve been together for over 7 years (since HS) and our relationship has always been a bit up and down. We’ve gone through A LOT though. Family deaths, long-distance, unemployment, graduating college, going back to school (him), backpacking through Europe and more – obviously we’ve had lots of low times and big fights in there but lots of amazing times too. I truly love my Fiance very deeply even after all these years.
2. When we got engaged a year ago we’d been together for almost 6 years at the time and I was SO HAPPY. We had just ended a year of long-distance because Fiance quit his job to move back with me and go back to school. We were in the process of buying our first house and everything was going great. I can vividly remember gushing to friends about how happy I was the Christmas before we got engaged (were engaged last Valentines Day.)
3. My Fiance gave up his nicotine habit as of January 1. He always promised he’d quit before we got married and since we are *supposed* to get married this coming summer he quit for the New Year. He’s also in his first year of a really stressful engineering program – not trying to make excuses for his behavior but this is the reality of what he’s going through right now.
What happened this morning:
Basically we’ve been on edge and fighting A LOT in the last few weeks. More than just a little argument – pretty big fights over dumb things. Like we got in a huge fight three days ago that I literally can’t even remember what it was about now. The dishes maybe?
So my dad is visiting us right now and he was at the kitchen table having coffee this morning and I look out my front window to see Fiance had written “FUCK YOU!” in big letters in the fresh snow on my car. To clarify – we were NOT fighting at the time and I think he was trying to be “funny”?
You guys, I FLIPPED OUT. I told him he was incredibly immature and inappropriate and we are not teenagers. All in front of my dad. He was really sheepish and was just kind of like “ya…” and then I stormed upstairs to finish getting ready for work. He came up a little bit after and flipped out on me (quietly) and told me how dare I talk to him like that in front of my dad, I’m a bitch when my parents visit, blah blah blah.
I ignored him and left for work. We later had a texting war about it. He’s basically turned this fight around on ME for being a “bitch” about what he did when he never should have done that in the first place! We live in a complex of houses, who knows how many people saw that, we OWN our house. I am seriously so embarrassed. We are NOT teenagers!
Anyways, some of his texts basically threatened not to marry me because I’m such a bitch all the time and he claims he’s changed a lot for me (giving up his job and moving, giving up his nicotine habit etc) and I haven’t done any changing over the last 7+ years and have been a “bitch” almost the whole time and blah blah blah.
I am honestly so sick of our fighting/arguing and his behavior this morning pushed me over the edge. I actually sent an email to my therapist requesting an emergency appointment because I’m considering calling off the wedding and need to talk to someone objective. She hasn’t responded yet so that’s why I’m coming to the bee boards.
I’m just so upset. We’ve been together so long and I love him SO MUCH but I don’t want to live like this the rest of my life. I’m sick of fighting all the time. We both have such strong personalities that sometimes I just think that maybe being in love isn’t enough to make it work… 🙁
Writing that out was therapeutic as it is but maybe someone will also have some advice for me? I know marriage is hard work, but I don’t want to get married this summer and then regret it or get divorced right away.
I keep trying to remind myself that we’ve been through these tough times before (we fought for 4 months straigh when Fiance was depressed and unemployed in 2008) but I think with our impending marriage I am just freaking out… Why can’t we be at the INCREDIBLY happy place we were a year ago?!