(Closed) Seriously considering divorce.

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I would leave immediately. It is only a matter of time before he starts physically abusing you, and what if he hurt the baby??

Could you get an annulment? I wouldn’t worry about the gifts at this point, just get yourself out of there before he escalates

Post # 4
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@anonymous1234: Don’t worry about the gifts. Honestly, people aren’t going to be knocking at your door asking where they went to…they’ll likely be more worried about how you’re doing since you’re pregnant and in the middle of a divorce. Personally, I would say try marriage therapy before leaving completely..it just sounds like hell pull any stunt within the legal system to obtain custody of the baby just to control you. If there is no improvement then move on. Did he act like this at all while you were dating/engaged?

Post # 5
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@anonymous1234: It sounds like he has some serious anger management problems and you both have some serious communication issues.

I think counseling (both as a couple and as individuals) would really help you both greatly if you are going to keep your marriage together.

Would he be willing to do something like that?

I also say that until you can speak in a controlled environment, you leave (or he leaves) so that you don’t end up getting hurt.

Post # 6
Member
1231 posts
Bumble bee

you are not kim kardashian.

You need to do what is right for you and your unborn child. If he needs it to be all about him and this is how he is acting when you are pregnant. How is he going to act when the baby is here? You can’t ignore the baby to satisfy his need to be paid attention to.

He’s already denying the baby. He treats you badly because of morning sickness. He said he would kill himself to get out of taking care of you and the baby.

Go to conseling if you feel that you think he will change but….

You also said you were happier when he left. I think you know what you need to do.

Post # 7
Member
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Get yourself out of there. He’s being emotionally abusive, and from his behaviour of throwing things it’s probably only a matter of time before he becomes physically abusive toward you as well. No matter what kind of depression or anxiety issues he’s having, this is unacceptable.

Don’t worry about what people think. This is a 100% legitimate reason for leaving him and you not only have your own safety but that of your unborn child to worry about as well.

Post # 8
Member
609 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2009

i agree get out NOW. you should never have to feel like that. and it’s only going to get worse.

Dont worry one second about the gifts. i know if i gave you a gift and this was happening that i would want you to be safe and take care of that baby versus me getting something back.

stay strong and safe!

Post # 9
Member
7291 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Don’t worry about what others will think of you sweet friend! You are a mommy now, use those instinctual survival and protection mechanisms to get you through. The stress you are under alone from the uncertainty of your husbands behavior is damaging to both you and baby.

Pleaase keep us updated and let us know if you have a safe place ( friend, family etc) that you can go to that has refuge.

I’m not sure how you went this long without knowing this kind of behavior , but all that matters is what you will be doing right now!

Post # 10
Member
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Agree with all the other posters. He’s not treating you properly, he’s emotionally abusing you, he’s denying your child, and he’s threatened suicide and destroyed property. If he’s willing to kill himself (or make those threats), what’s to say he won’t hurt you or the baby he says isn’t his?

Get out now. Be safe. NO ONE will compare you to a celebrity. Don’t worry about the gifts and etiquette. Your safety and the safety of your baby should be your #1 concern. Seek counseling (individual and couples, if you want) AFTER you’re in a safer situation. *hugs* Please be careful, and stand up for yourself and your child.

Post # 11
Member
4023 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I would say leave. Even if you just leave for awhile, like a week, to think about some things and clear your head. If after that you feel that divorce is the best option, then go with it. And when you have the baby, give it your last name, my biggest stress on single pregnant women, from experience! Also, don’t worry about the gifts. I really don’t think anyone would care, especially with what you are going through. If my friends got divorced, I wouldn’t want the gift back, I got it for them, not for me! Good luck, and let us know how it all goes.

Post # 12
Member
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I’m with PP…how long before this anger turns into physical violence. He’s emotionally abusing you and doesn’t seem to be taking steps towards improving himself. Would you want to bring a child into this kind of environment? What would this be teaching your child? A bee posted this question some where on here in regards to a similar topic…she asked the OP…if your child grew up to be just like their father would you be proud?

 

Post # 13
Member
1109 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011
Post # 14
Member
2288 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Please, please stay safe and leave him. He’s obviously not stable and you need to take care of yourself and your child.

Post # 15
Member
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

To be bluntly honest, unless he makes major headway in the next few months, his behavior will only get worse after the baby comes.  Babies, while wonderful and incredible, add a lot of stress, and for a relationship that is already experiencing major problems, a baby may be the tipping point.

My advice is to leave, if you can, and stay with a friend or relative.  Separating will either a) confirm in your mind that a divorce is a really the best choice or b) convince him to get some serious help in regards to his behavior.  I would never flat out tell someone to get divorced, but your situation sounds dangerous for you and your baby, and I think it’s better to remove yourself while figuring out the next best step than wait.

Post # 16
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

His behavior is not normal. It’s good that he’s seeking treatment for his depression, but he sounds too volatile to live with right now. Maybe he should keep seeking treatment on his own and you should separate from him (and that might motivate him to actually follow through with his therapist’s advice… or not). I would be very afraid to live with such an unstable person while pregnant.

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