(Closed) Seriously Curious Why Weddings Are "Stressful"

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: What is your stress level during planning?
    Smooth Sailing, can't wait for the big day! : (41 votes)
    19 %
    Some stress here or there, but not as bad as I thought it would be : (117 votes)
    55 %
    The stress is overwhelming! : (45 votes)
    21 %
    Other (please explain) : (8 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2825 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    I wasn’t stressed during the planning part… It was only the last couple days before the wedding that I got stressed as all the last minute stuff had to get put together and set up, picking things up getting hair and nails done etc… All while dealing with my Out of Town friends and family who I wanted to see.  It was a lot to deal with and I really felt pulled in a million directions.

    It’s great that you aren’t stressed, embrace it! but everyone has different experiences… And still being 3 months out from your wedding, a lot could change and if you are doing everything yourself it will add a lot of last minute stress… You just might feel the stress differently.

    Post # 4
    Member
    14658 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I agree.  I think it’s only as stressful as you want it to be.  Mine was not at all… I was working full time, part time classes the entire time, bought a house, was also planning and took a month long vacation in the middle of it and never felt overwhelmed or stressed with anything.   After I got my venue (which came with a day of coordinator) all I had to do was find a dress, centerpieces, dj, and photographer.  Then the little things, std, invites, table numbers, and escort cards.  Make a quick guest book… and done.  Oh, I did sort of wait until the last 3 weeks to get a cake and bouquets, but it wasnt a big deal either.  To me, the idea of perfect all the little details just didnt matter, as long as somethign was in place that I liked, that was good enough, no need to go over the top.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2965 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @o0olibelulao0o:  I plan on having everything done 1 week before the wedding to avoid this but I know things don’t always go as planned!

    My wedding was stressful due to family saying what they wanted and how it was going to be for my wedding (mom, MOHs, Future Sister-In-Law, etc. etc etc). I had to end up hiring a wedding planner to gain some control back of my wedding and even now I’m having to somewhat split the control with her Frown. Then there’s also the issues with people trying to come though they weren’t invited and dealing with the people who are invited but you really don’t want there (FI’s mom Undecided). It’s all about picking and choosing your battles. I let some things go because at the end of the day I will be marrying the love of my life and after everything’s said and done, what I was trying to fight for really wasn’t worth it.

    Post # 6
    Member
    470 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    My stress level has been between option 2 and a 3 and I am not having a big wedding at all.

    Mine mostly comes from Fiance children from his first marriage (Are they going to come, only 2 out of 3 have RSVP, and dealing with his ex’s tatics of telling them your dad has a new family now and doesn’t care about you.)

    I only had some stress with my Maid/Matron of Honor and we have finally come around but we were not even speaking for about a week there.

    I also had some dress drama in finding a dress that was both in my budget and I liked. That has also been resolved.

    Right now we are working on addressing the above issue with the children and I still have to get my flowers and shoes for my son but everything else has been worked out.

     

    Post # 8
    Member
    478 posts
    Helper bee

    I’m having fun!  It’s occasionally stressful, but not overwhelmingly so.  Like, I am less than 3 months away and don’t have an officiant.  That is a pretty important part! lol

    I think part of the reason it’s stressful is money.  It’s a lot of money.  And many facets of planning.  And because it’s such a critical event in one’s lifetime, everyone’s behavior around it is so  . . . extreme.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1659 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I’m also tired of the “ooh how’s wedding planning, you must be so stressed!” that I get from people because it’s actually been pretty easy. The only stressors have really come from my stepmom (adding forty people who I’ve never met to the guest list) and staying under budget (started with 10k, up to 15 now). I work full time and we had a two year old, so it’s not like I’m sitting around looking for projects and things to agonize over.

    Post # 10
    Member
    2725 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    My wedding stress was so overwhelming we eloped. My family is crazy and wedding planning exacerbated it all.

    OP, I agree marrying your best friend is the most important part and it’s not a show. Eloping really put that into perspective for me. However, in the process of planning a big wedding my family said/did hurtful things. They are like the regardless so I should not have expected it to be any different when the planning began. The wedding had quickly become about pleasing everyone else and NOT about marrying my best friend.

    Post # 11
    Member
    2239 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I’ve been stressed at various points but there’s been more good than bad.  I’ve gotten even closer to my future in-laws which has been amazing.  I will say that my mom and I have drifted even further apart.  She’s been a huge source of stress.  But we’re making it work and I’m to the point where I’m almost done w/the big stuff.  Feeling good now

    Post # 12
    Member
    10714 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I never knew stress like the stress the week of the wedding. People always calling things changing without warning tons to do and we decorated ourselves. It gets really tense at the end especially if your on a budget. Other than that I was mostly just stressed balancing my job, friends, relationship, my son, trying to find a new apartment and planning the wedding plus my family had way too much say and it made things harder with my budget.

    Post # 13
    Member
    2554 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I always wondered the same thing. Maybe it’s just my personality. My programs just never got finished and I said, oh well, and shrugged it off. All these things really don’t matter. A lot of it didn’t matter in the end! To me anyway.

    Post # 14
    Member
    2892 posts
    Sugar bee

    The actual planning part hasn’t been stressful. The revelation of how douchebaggy our friends and family truly are is. I don’t know what it is about weddings that makes people feel like they have a free pass to be the a-holes they pretend not to be on any other day but that is the part that has stressed me out. And we’re practically cutting people off from ANY input or knowledge of the wedding. That and the money. I’m VERY practical and I can justify spending 10K on a ring because you’ll have it for the rest of your life. But 10K on a party that lasts a single day? Yeah. For me it’s wasteful spending and stresses me out. But it’s my SO’s dream and I want to make it happen for him. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    2031 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    The wedding itself has been easy.  We chose the easiest, least stress inducing wedding possible and invited 60 people.  I have 2.5 weeks left and still have a ton of stuff to finish, but I know it will get done…and if it doesn’t?  It will be fine because Fiance and I are getting married!  So I’m not stressed about the wedding, persay.  However, there ARE things that are stressing me out, and I keep saying ‘This was SUPPOSED to be stress free!!’

    1.  FI’s brother and his wife decided to invite their 4 kids, despite the invites being sent to Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Smith and the invites reading ‘Adult Only’.  They STILL RSVP’d their 4 kids, 3 of whom were teenagers (we have a strict all kids or no kids policy, the only exception being bridal party).  2 weeks after I politely told her the kids weren’t invited, she sent Fiance an email saying that the kids go where they go and they couldn’t make it.  So they won’t be coming, fine.  But because of this, we’re unable to get responses from his other brother or his parents as to whether or not they’ll be attending.  FI is convinced they’re not coming, and will use the no kids thing (and offended SIL) as an excuse.  

    2.  FI’s best friend / best man has a baby, and wanted to bring him.  Again, we explained the all or nothing kid rule, and didn’t hear anything again.  He says they’re coming (great) but hasn’t mentioned the baby not coming.  I told Fiance that we’ve told them our thoughts, if they still show up with the baby, at this point I’ll just apologize to everyone with kids who found sitters and explain that we told them ‘No’ and hope no one is mad at us.  I could bring it up again, but this is officially the ONE person on FI’s side who has RSVP’d yes, except for our mutual friends, and I am too scared to risk him not showing up.  

    3.  My 2 oldest friends originally didn’t think they could make it, and I understood and there was no drama although it did make me sad.  They’ve since RSVP’d yes, but they’ve been a little off lately and acting weird, so I don’t know if I’ve somehow offended them or what?  Not wedding related, but that will likely be the first time I see them since I’m busy, and I’m worried it’s going to be awkward.  

    4.  The laws regarding ordained ministers are all weird, and while it is legal in NYS (meaning, the marriage certificate will be issued) if it ever gets challenged it *could* result in our marriage being deemed invalid.  Because of this, Fiance and I are going to be finding a day we can both leave work early and go to the courthouse for the actual ‘marriage’ part and just not telling anyone, so as far as everyone is concerned the wedding is the actual wedding.  Since neither Fiance nor myself has any time off before the wedding, this could get hairy to figure out.  

     

    Post # 16
    Member
    967 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    The planning part is not stressful….it is family stress…because, you know, when you are getting married it’s about THEM not YOU….

    That’s the major stress….my Future Sister-In-Law (a bridesmaid) is quite a drama queen and has gotten worse….my mother was awful to start with and has calmed down since then….but I’m waiting for the ball to drop…..

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