Post # 1
UGH! So 18days from my wedding; its NOT like I dont have enough stress as it is right?! Ontop of going to grad school this summer and having a 3yr old! Well her father is starting his crap again! I know this will be long but I dont even know what to do this time. I dont feel like I have QUITE enough to take him back to court yet but I just know things at his house are NOT consistant and are very unpredicatble…. Let me give ya the cliffsnotes version of it.
Background- Met at college in another state, had an on & off LDR for about 2 yrs. We broke up before I found out I was pregnant (got pregnant the ONE and only time we had sex), and he didnt want much to do with me during pregnancy. (We are going to call him B)
So… end of 2007- hes living about 5hrs from his family, 7 from me. In Oct 07′ he decides to move home; making him about 4hrs from me. By Nov B had a gf (W); she was divorced and had a 2yr old. By Jan 08 she was living with him and they were engaged. Had my daughter in Feb. He bearly ever spent time with my daughter. Would drive 4hrs (because his mom made him) and would stay 30min then go out for a minivaca with W. So in an one year time period B & W broke up 13 times! NO LIE! B didnt get overnight visits til my daughter was 1yr old. During the first year out of about 150hrs of time he could see her (court ordered) he used about 32hrs. So about this time he is saying that she stole his credit card, spent tons of money and is cheating. So… W is cheating on B with a guy we will call D (who is currently married)
So… Last spring W left B to be with D…. D leaving his wife in the process. Last April B gets a new girlfriend we will call J. Now heres the good part…. J is D’s ex wife!!!!! THEY SWAPPED PARTNERS!!!! You CAN NOT make this up! so… J is like 6-7 yrs older than B and had a 16yr old and an 8yr old. B isnt even 27! He tells me its ok becaues J was his first love 10 years ago… well he would have been like 16ish and she would have been like 23!!! WHAT! She had a kid then too! So…. last summer I refuse to let my daughter goto her dads (he still lives 2 hours from me and his mother lies for him because she is afraid she wont get to see my daughter) so… all summer he didnt see her because of J (she had ALOT of court stuff going on; restraining orders etc.) and this is her 3rd marriage btw! During the summer J was sending me HORRIBLE nasty messages, B would call cussing and yelling when J was around etc. So… finally in the fall when all her court cases have been resolved I allow my daughter to go back. This is Sept 10′; by Oct 10 they are split up! She moved out etc. THEN in Jan I find out (via Fbook) that they are engaged again and back together. They actually go ahead and get married in April on their “1yr anniversary” (which really wasnt since they were broke up for 3months). Ok so during all of this my daughter has lived with 2 girlfriends of her dads; whom both had kids that they wanted to call her siblings. The current on they make her call J’s youngest daughter her sister?!?!?! Ok so they got married in April; LAST NIGHT I find out at the end of June HE FILED FOR DIVORCE!!!!!! He keeps telling me they’re together still!
See I know how he acts and I see his fbook (he doesnt know this) so I tend to know whats going on with him before he actually tells me. His fbook still says married but they arent friends, and hers is listed under her maiden name. But now he gets married, has my daughter calling J step mom, calling her daughter her sister; and my daughter LOVES this little girl! Theyre only 4-5 yrs apart and they play ALOT! So…. now I’m at a loss! A few weeks ago he said J has stomach cancer but isnt being nice to him about him trying to help him! I hate to question something like that BUT he lies about EVERYTHING! He brought it up like it was horrible about a month ago and now wont say a word and when I ask is like “ah ya its cancer it’ll be ok” WHAT?! So now when my daughter is suppose to go visit in 2 weeks and stay there for his summer week the week of my honeymoon (BTW in 19 days!!!!) I dont know what to do because I dont know if J will cause trouble (which she LOVE LOVES to do) with B or where they will stay, even though the house is his he let her stay there during their last break up!!! I’m so sick of stress and anxiety over STUPIDITY!!!!! UGH
Im at such a loss… my parents are 100% behind me and will keep my daughter during my Honeymoon but i just dont know if I should goto court or keep her away again since things are crazy again down there or what! I’m really just ranting aboud the stupidity of people and being sick of having to have the stress of EVERYTHING in the world on me!! UGH!
Thanks for listening ladies! : )
Post # 3
Noone has anything to say?! I’m a thread killer these days!
Post # 4
Wow! What a crazy story!!! Eek! Can your parents keep your daughter that week for sure?
Post # 5
Wow – that’s absolutely insane.
Have you talked to an attorney to see what you could and couldn’t do at this point. I mean is there any proof your daughter has been mistreated or neglected. Unfortunately, you can’t keep your child from someone just because they’re a man-whore and make bad decisions — it’s still his child too.
Best of luck!
Post # 6
Being that I have en Ex-husband and deal with visitation and all that…If it were me…my children would be staying with my parents and not him. Then when you get back you can look at your options for taking him to court. He doesn’t sound like he’s really fit for having her a whole week on his own. I personally wouldn’t let him have 1 overnight from the sounds of his life.
So, yes I think your parents should keep her while you are on your honeymoon. And yes, I think taking him to court when you get back is probably a good idea.
Post # 7
Damn, Really. Sorry all this is happening 18 days before your wedding. I would have your daughter stay w/ your parents. Your ex isn’t in a stable situation and your daughter shouldn’t get caught in his S&$T storm.
Post # 8
Wow! He sounds really unstable! I hate when parents just keep introducing new people in their kids lives. Kids get attached quick and it’s heartbreaking when it doesn’t work out.
I would just let her stay with your parents. You don’t need to be stressed on your honeymoon wondering what is going on with your daughter, B, and J. ha ha ha BJ. (yeah I went there)
Post # 8
What an absolutely crazy story; I feel absolutely terrible that you are sucked into all of their drama!
I definitely would second leaving your daughter with your parents. Right before your wedding is stressful enough, and leaving her with them means you don’t have to even think about B’s mess until after you’ve enjoyed your special day and amazing honeymoon!
This is such a special time for you – don’t let some jerk and his floozey ruin it for you! 🙂
Post # 9
@creativeplannertobee: Yes they can keep her… My parents are 100% family oriented they dont go places or do things without the family! LoL But when I dont send her; even though I KNOW its better for her NOT to be there it gives me bad anxiety because I have to deal with him yelling and then IF he files a complaint with the police station adn they call me for explination of Why I’m breaking a court order (he did that all last summer and I explained and that was the end of it but sitll) its makes me crazy anxious and stressed!
Post # 10
I’m sort of dealing with the same thing right now. His Dad doesn’t have any custody rights though so it’s a little easier for me. He filed for divorce and is bouncing around living with friends. I told him that if he wants to see my son that he has to go to his Mom’s house and that it will not be overnight until he’s in a stable home.
Haven’t heard from him in 3 months…
I don’t think you really have anything to go to court for. The only thing you could possibly do is report him for not taking his 150 hours and only taking 32 which would probably grant you full custody.
Post # 11
Thanks Ladies! I’m just at a loss… he hasnt even told me about them getting divorced. He is still pretending they are together; he hints that he isn’t happy with her but still…. I found all this out by the states court websites that publishes all the court cases each person has!!! It just makes me stressed and anxious to the point where i cant sleep because I’m up all night thinking about it!!! UGH!
I’m sure she will stay with my parents; I jsut dont want to listen to him scream and yell about it! UGH!
Post # 12
Could you possibly get a court order that he not see her until you can get a court date due to the living situation??
Post # 13
If she stays with him during your honeymoon, you probably will be sick with worry and won’t enjoy yourself. Have your parents watch her and enjoy your vacation 🙂
When you get home you can deal with the hot mess that is your ex.
Post # 14
He has no custody rights…. I have full custody; She was born in an automatic custody state which gives the mother full custody if the paretns werent married. So he only has visitation rights. Im going to end up taking him back to court because he lives 2hrs away. and she starts K3 at a private school this fall so leaving by 6 on a fri and I cant pick her up til 6 on sunday getting her home between 830 and 9 to goto school on Monday…. which is NUTS! She also goes 3 weeks in the summer… which I think is WAY too much ontop of his weekends! I’m wanting to reduce his visitation time. UGH!
Post # 15
I’ve been through something similar with my ex, and father of our two children. He’s lived in 7 different places since our divorce 10 years ago and ended up remarrying and having 3 additional children. W/out getting into my situation too much, new wife has borderline personality disorder and the ex has moved out and back in more times than I can count (like an infinite number) and there is constant drama at their house.
Bottom line, the courts won’t step in unless the child is being hurt. They don’t count emotional abuse and feelings being hurt (even though they should). My attorney painted a picture of the types of abuse that the courts deal with on a daily basis (children with injuries, no roof over their heads, etc.) – those are the children that the court will protect – it would be very hard to have a court take away your ex’s rights because of relationship drama.
I would try to talk calmly to your ex, maybe play on his soft side, “I know you and your wife have been going through a lot. My parents have offered to keep our daughter while I’m honeymooning, and I just wanted to pass it by you first.” Maybe he’ll be glad not to have to have her, with everything else he’s got going on?