(Closed) Seriously ladies….

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Dolcebabe:  your wedding is more than a year out so don’t fret too much.. But I would tell him that certain things like venue, guest lists, and photographers need to be done sooner rather than later. It seems like he’s like my Fiance and doesn’t care as long as I’m happy, his family is there, and he’s marrying me ๐Ÿ˜€

oh and I’m planning my wedding in 6 months… it literally took me 2 days to get the majority of it planned.

Post # 4
Member
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Dolcebabe:  Mine is the exact same. Thinks we have all the time in the world.

He hasn’t even set the date but tells me we will be married within a year. He doesn’t see why it should take any planning. He thinks if you snap your fingers, the wedding will come together in a big POOF. Will not even tell me his budget for this.

 

Post # 5
Member
13248 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I wouldn’t worry just yet.  You can plan the wedding in less than a year, easily. 

As for FI’s involvement – I do the research and narrow down choices, and we go to vendor meetings together, and then decide which vendor to pick together. 

Post # 6
Member
3769 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

It’s great that you are realizing this 17 months away and not 6 months away!  In my case, I picked out everything and ran it by Fiance first.  He has given me suggestions on how to diy some stuff, and he attends every vendor meeting (I think photog and videog are the most important things your Fiance should attend with you if he’s resistant to going, they’re the ones who will be with you all day so you both should like their personalities).  He hasn’t done any research though, and hasn’t really told me the things that are the most important to him.  So, I am pretty much doing the legwork and getting his approval.  This may be the route you need to take to at least get things kickstarted!

Post # 7
Member
9482 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

Honestly, Fiance was like this in the beginning of our engagement.  We were 18 months out when we first booked our venue and that was a struggle to get him to do just that.  Other than that, Fiance would say “we have so much time.  You’re rushing things.”  So, just relax and in time he’ll follow your footsteps.  

Post # 8
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

At first my FH did not say much in regards to the wedding, but then I sat him down and told him that I wanted this day to reflect BOTH of us, and that I felt that maybe he wasn’t excited about it, and that hurt me.  He assured me that he did care, he just didn’t feel he had authority to make decisions or give input because he didn’t know a lot about weddings.  I told him that neither did I since I’ve never been married, and I needed all the help from him I could get.  After having this discussion, he has been much more vocal, and we are on the same page with a lot less misunderstandings.  I still get the “whatever you want” sometimes, but he does give his opinions, and I’ve left the honeymoon planning totally up to him since he knows more about the destination than me—I think he likes that a lot ๐Ÿ™‚

 

ETA: after we talked about it, we met with every vendor together and made the decisions about who we would hire together for everything.  Got the majority of the vendors booked within a month, and we’re now 12 months out.  You have plenty of time!

Post # 9
Member
2616 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

my fiance went with me to pick photographers, venues, cake, dj, – i just had to do ALL the work as far as researching each person having a list of 5 per catogory within our budget. and he went to all the meetings and then who ever he a had a good feeling about we went with.

Post # 10
Member
2783 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My guy started slow, but has come around…guys really do not understand that if you don;t book certain things (photog, caterer, venue) well in advance you aren’t going to get what you want. He could not for the life of him wrap his head around the fact that it would take a minimum of 6 months for my wedding dress to even come in.

A few things I discovered:

1) My Fiance is VERY money driven. When I found something I liked and explained if we waited we might have to pay more if we waited he was ALL OVER IT.

2) Talk to him. A big part of the reason my Fiance didn’t want to suggest things was that he thought girls all know exactlly what we want, and he’d just be getting in the way. He honestly thought he was doing me a favour by not telling me what colours he wanted, because he just wanted me to be happy, and pick whatever I wanted.

3) There are certain things he will never care about. Ever. Flowers is typically at the top of this list.

4) Figure out what he DOES care about, and assign him to it: DJ is always a good one; the getaway car; in my FI’s case, managing the budget.

Post # 11
Member
1036 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

you are not alone. my now husband didnt know about anything, flowers, cake. nothing. he knew the venue and he saw one of the bridesmaids dresses. other than that he was a lost cause. he works alot and is gone for work.

Post # 12
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Although I did most of the research work (narrowing down to the vendors that I thought were best), I feel my FH was very helpful.  I didn’t make any decisions without him so he always gave his input on everything I asked for feedback on.  For example, I narrowed down photographers from the hundreds out there to eight that I really liked and then he helped me narrow down to three from that group and then we interviewed all  three together.  We also looked at all the venues together.  We went to various florists together.  Etc.  He was pretty easy going about all the decisions and I’m very detail-oriented and high strung so I think we balanced each other out perfectly during this planning process.

Post # 13
Member
7649 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

Give him The Knot’s wedding checklist. That’ll scare the poop out of him.

That’s what I did to my Fiance when I had a breakdown, and I told him to start taking care of stuff. He pretty much lost it after seeing what all there had to be done.

I can’t be too upset though–being 9 days away from the wedding we are both more excited and, after seeing my crazy array of emotions I’ve had the past 10 months, he often approaches me and says, “I appreciate all that you have done to make our day special.”

Post # 14
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@abbie017:  We work exactly the same way! It’s more fun for me to do all the research anyway ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 15
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I do most of the leg work, meaning I research venues, photogrpahers, etc., narrow it down to 5 or 6, then together we narrow it down to 3 and then we make the final decisions together.  There are some specific things he did all on his own like the DJ.  I met with the final two choices for the DJ, but he did all the research.  For the most part, I do all the planning, thinking, keeping us on track, but then I get my way ๐Ÿ™‚

 

Post # 16
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I started planning 18 months before our date. I have done all the research but everything is discussed with Fiance. He designed and made the invites and he will be doing the table and seating plan. He is VERY laid back and never gets stressed. .  He is a very calming influence on me…lol. He has just gone with the flow and really apprecites everything I have done. 

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