(Closed) seriously offended and need to vent…

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: is this rude?
    OMG yes. : (17 votes)
    31 %
    maybe she doesnt know any better? : (6 votes)
    11 %
    maybe shes trying to make up for a faux pas? : (21 votes)
    39 %
    does it really matter? : (10 votes)
    19 %
  • Post # 3
    335 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I did last minute invites.  It wasn’t for a gift grab though.  I really wanted to keep the wedding to 200 ppl and as family dropped out, it freed up space.  They were people a really wanted there but just didn’t initally have space.  So maybe give her the benefit of the doubt?

    I also had 24 no shows, which really PISSED me off, so I get how the little things are sometimes frustrating.

    Post # 4
    3255 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    It’s super weird, so I’m not trying to justify her behavior, but I think she may not be just fishing for gifts here.

    Maybe she just felt super weird after talking with you on the phone. You obviously alluded to the fact that someone shouldn’t be invited to the shower that’s not invited to the wedding, so maybe she felt stupid and was trying to set it right. 

    Post # 5
    4803 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I think maybe you were on what could be called a “B list”.  She has to limit the number of guests, but as people RSVP’d no, it freed up room for her to invite you.

    I think she cares about you since she invited you to her shower and stuff.  I don’t think she means to gift grab.

    Post # 7
    5993 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    i get a message from the bride asking if i got the invite to the shower and bach……. i said …. and you shouldnt invite folks to the shower who arent invited to the wedding.

    how did she respond to this? i was hoping you were invited but the invite went awol

    Post # 8
    7587 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2010

    Agree with you. She covered herself IMO.

    Post # 9
    2204 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Maybe she forgot to send you an invite? And after your comment, realized she never sent you one?

    Either way, I would be super annoyed too.

    Post # 10
    2204 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    @spaganya: OMG she then ASKED for you address?? I changed my mind…she sent an invite to cover her rudeness.

    Ewww. That would SO rub me the wrong way!!

    Post # 11
    921 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    oh my. it does seem like she just wants the gifts. i understand a list and b list (i even have a c list) but i sent invites in may, went to b list as soon as i got a few nos and im just now getting to my c list. but i didnt have a bridal shower and im only having a small hens party when the wedding party gets into town for the wedding. but at the same time in not expecting gifts (im hoping for them but if i dont get them then whatever)

    Post # 12
    5993 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    she changed the subject. then at the end of the convo she asked me for my address –


    Post # 13
    1077 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    I might not follow your post about who said what to whom (My read is that you told the bride in question that she shouldn’t have invited you to her showers w/o inviting you to her wedding), but consider that she invited you to try to repair the offense, not to get a present.

    Showers are traditional, but they are gift grabs.  It’s kind of the whole point.  I didn’t have one for that reason, but I’m certainly not offended if someone else does.  I was personally hosting my own small destination wedding, and my mom and others wanted to have a shower for me with the (not invited) ladies from the town where I grew up, but I declined.  I had to keep my guest list limited to my family and just a couple of friends, and so many people that meant a lot to me did not get on the A list or any list.  If I expanded the list a little, I hope that the people whose invites came a little later would realize that it meant that they were still extremely special to me to have gotten one.

    Or maybe she just wants your money.  You’d know better than us.

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