(Closed) Seriously rude MOB issues, here…HELP!

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
7357 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Another situation where actually talking to each other is waaaay  better than emailing. How about you take them both out to a late lunch and have a conversation where everyone can hear the other’s tone of voice and see facial expressions, and you can work together to make plans that keep everyone happy?

Post # 3
1032 posts
Bumble bee

Would you be able to ask your mother how the planning is going? Ask her in a way to get her talking and allow you to put in your input on letting the Maid/Matron of Honor do her own thing without her knowing about the conversation you and your Maid/Matron of Honor had? That is the only way I can think settling a solution without breaking trust…. Especially if you and mother are close.

Post # 5
6018 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017


BurlapnLace:  My first response would be to ask to see word for word what your mom said if that’s possible. I understand you know your mom well so it may not be surprising to hear something like this happening with her, but to avoid going after her unnecessarily, I would first make sure your Maid/Matron of Honor isn’t just being sensitive or taking things in the wrong way.

Post # 6
5219 posts
Bee Keeper

Personally, I have no room in my life/need for aggressive or rude people, mom or not. I would cut the financial loss, thank her for her input and let your Maid/Matron of Honor continue to plan as she was originally. Then explain to your mom that part of being a mature adult is not steam rolling over people the first chance they get. 

Also- I would send my Maid/Matron of Honor a bottle of wine for being put in the middle of an unfortunate mix up.

Post # 7
46677 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Without seeing the wording, it seems reasonable that a MOB would suggest  she have more involvement in planning the shower and less in the bachelorette.

I suggest the Maid/Matron of Honor refrain from discussing the bachelorette with the MOB. Unless it is customary for the mothers to participate in the bachelorette where you live (it”s not here), there is really no need to share the details with the MOB.

Post # 9
6018 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017


BurlapnLace:  I can kind of agree with you actually. If I were your Maid/Matron of Honor I would have just given a firm response to your mother and left it at that. I wouldn’ thave even brought it to your attention since you aren’t really supposed to know about the planning. Not to mention that you shouldn’t be burdened with any drama if it’s not necessary. I think after trying ot be firm and handle it myself, if that still didn’t work then I would have come to you to seek some guidance on what to do next. The thing about being the “planner” is that sometimes you have to pull rank. It seems to me like no matter what, whether your mom did need to be taken down a notch or if your Maid/Matron of Honor was being sensitive, she needs to start being a bit more aggressive (is that the right word? firm maybe? direct? idk) in her role so that she’s not easily pushed around. She should be worried most about making this as easy and painless for you as possible. So I don’t think it’s bridezilla of you to feel that way. But no matter what, you are involved now I just think you should advise your Maid/Matron of Honor on what to do, but don’t go to your mom because you did promise your Maid/Matron of Honor you wouldnt.

Post # 10
294 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

It strikes me as odd that your mother would have any invovement in the bachlorette party. That should just be between the bridesmaids. I am close with my mom but I would never want her planning details of my bachlorette.

I would assume that your mother offered to help with showers and was suprirsed when your Maid/Matron of Honor contacted her about the bachlorette. You are very quick to take your MOH’s side, but from your mom’s POV, it probably was off-putting to her if she offered to help contribute to the shower, and then was contacted about helping out with the bachlorette.

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