- 4 years ago
- Wedding: October 2014
I am seriously stuck with wedding planning. We have been engaged for over a year now, and planning to get hitched in October 2015. We started to plan our wedding right away after getting engaged, but took a break because we had some personal stuff to figure out. Now that we’re back on track, we’re going through round two of planning, and I’m beginning to have the same overwhelming feelings and emotions as I did the first round.
My fiance is from a more rural town and his family doesn’t have a lot of money, so he has complete and utter sticker shock whenever we talk money. I come from a more well-off family so I don’t have the same life experiences as he does, but regardless, he and I have the same values–I agree that spending 20-30k on a single day (which is the norm where we live–the Chicago suburbs) is kind of nuts. My parents generously offered to put 20k towards our wedding, but I just don’t even feel comfortable with that. It’s not even MY money and it makes me feel sad to use money for a single event when it could be put to better use. I’ve been trying to come to terms with the fact that my parents OFFERED this as a gift, because they want to throw us a big party and celebrate our love, but it still leaves me feeling ishy. :/
That aside, we’re definitely interested in doing this as frugally as possible. We’ve considered a Friday night wedding, or a Sunday wedding, or a “luncheon” style wedding (which is what my parents did for theirs), but it’s so hard to find a venue small enough for us. We might be inviting up to 80 people, but even that is generous, so it’s a terrible in-between size that is too small for most reception halls, and too big for most restaurants. To complicate matters more, my fiance and I are both vegan, and I’m not saying caterers and reception halls are unwilling to accommodate for us, but I’ve been to plenty of weddings where I had to ask for a special meal and it was just a plate of boiled veggies. I don’t think I should have to eat a bland plate of boiled veggies on my own wedding day while my guests are eating steak. (If we had it our way, we would hire a vegan caterer, but this being my parents’ dime, and them being meat-eaters, means they want to eat their food…which I understand and respect.)
I must have sunk over 30+ hours into researching venues. We’ve only visited a couple and we just can’t seem to find one we all agree on (all meaning my parents as well). My fiance and I would almost rather elope, go on our honeymoon, and come home to a small party in my parents’ backyard… but my parents didn’t really like that idea because again, they want to have a PARTY. I also feel that my mom is living vicariously through me as her only daughter, since she had a small wedding and didn’t make much of a big deal about it. I don’t really feel that’s fair because this is my life, but I also want to please my parents. A destination wedding would be perfect, but that’s out considering my fiance’s family’s financial situation. Even if his mom could scrounge up the money to go, he doesn’t think his friends/groomsmen would be able to make it. He already has such a small family to invite in the first place, and I’d hate to have them all bail on us last minute like they’ve done in the past for other events.
I guess I’m looking for advice for anyone who feels like they’ve been in a similar place. The idea of eloping is so romantic to me, but that would end up being a bigger out-of-pocket expense for us than just having the 20 grand wedding my parents want because we’d be responsible for the entire cost. We are prepared with savings to cover the cost of eloping and a honeymoon, but I also feel like I’m not being a gracious daughter by not just accepting that my parnets want to do this for us.
Siiiiiiiiigh. It feels good to vent. Thanks for reading. 🙂