(Closed) Seriously Thinking Of Leaving Him… His Lack Of Hygiene Is Driving Me Nuts!!!

posted 4 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 31
Member
3308 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

cuanta:  Actually I think it’s an excellent reason to leave somebody. If his smell is repugnant, it’s time to get out. Cleanliness is a deal-breaker for me. This is a subject that has come up before. Who are these men whose mothers didn’t teach them to bathe regularly? Smh

Post # 32
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

To me, this is about a lack of respect. What you’re asking of him is very small, basic showering and deodorant that most adults do. If he’s unwilling to do these small things to make you happy and improve your sex life, he’s showing outright contempt for your relationship. I wouldn’t judge you for leaving someone over this.

To the PP who suggested blowing him every time he showers–wow. I cannot believe we’re convincing ourselves that men deserve rewards for basic hygiene now.

Post # 33
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee

cuanta:  uh yea, if you have to tell him to be clean or take better care of his own hygiene, that aint right…You shouldnt have to tell your man, on how to be a man. 

I would run to the hills too, If I were you. 

Post # 34
Member
1414 posts
Bumble bee

Is there someone else who can tell him he stinks?

My dad started forgoing (forgetting?) to wear deodorant recently (he’s 71) and my Mom tried to tell him but he wouldn’t listen. I came into town and you betchya I said something! Mom said it helps while I’m there and for a week or so after, but then he forgets again.

Anyone who can mention it to him??

Does he work in an office? If so, I bet his coworkers will thank you immensley if you can solve this problem!!!

Post # 35
Member
5094 posts
Bee Keeper

I would suggest couples cousenling to try and determine the reasoning behind his poor hygiene.  If he is unwilling to change I would leave.  This is such a basic expectation of any human being and he is being disrespectul.

Post # 36
Member
698 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Darling Husband had a phase where we had this issue – he would not shower for several days at a time and was often stinky.  I ended up telling him and he was better about putting deodorant on but he was still resistent to showering after we moved.  I sat down and had a talk with him, very seriously about it, and found out why.  Darling Husband has arthritis and lupus and it physically hurt him to get into our shower/bath tub because of how high it was/how he had no support to hang onto.  At his parents house he had a support and they have quite a deep tub that had jets while ours is shallow and he has to bend down rather far to have support. We fixed this by me helping him in while we looked for a bar we could add to the side of the tub to help him.

While that might not be the issue for him, maybe there is something underlying?  If not, definitely reconsider things – hygiene is a dealbreaker for me and I made it clear to Darling Husband and ever since then hes been much better.

Post # 36
Member
2123 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

He’s not going to change. He’s happy being dirty. You need to tell him you’re thinking of leaving him because you cannot put up with his disgusting filth. If he doesn’t want to do anything to change (and I doubt that he does) then you need to get out. Massive deal breaker.

Post # 38
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Nasty. This is a deal breaker for me. Basic hygiene or get the hell out. 

Post # 39
Member
2691 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Yuck, yuck, yuck!

It’s such a touchy situation because he was like this before you married him. I know sometimes we pray and hope things will change and sometimes they don’t. Listen, hygiene is a deal breaker. If he doesn’t figure it out I would go to counselling and definitely sleep in another room in the meanwhile.

Post # 40
Member
2691 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

P.S. I can’t even imagine not being able to sleep because the ‘pit smell is so strong. whoooo chile….

Post # 41
Member
4238 posts
Honey bee

So he’s a smelly 38 year old man who has to be nagged to take a shower and accuses you of PMSing when you tell him he reeks?

He doesn’t have any respect for you.

Post # 42
Member
1025 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I’m wondering if he’s depressed or something off mentally… ?

Post # 43
Member
7372 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Welp you married him going in like this. Not sure why you expected it to change, so..

As for as him not having respect for you as PP have said, frankly you don’t have it for yourself, because I’d DAMNED if I regulary have sex with man who can’t bathe himself on regular basis. Nope, yall are both nasty. 

 

Post # 44
Hostess
8187 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

Wow – he would be sleeping on the sofa if he didn’t shower and if he really didn’t want to do something about it I would be warning him to expect a divorce. I kind of feel like if he really loved you, he would probably just friggin’ do it, regardless of whether he wanted to or not. What a pig. In more than one way.

Post # 45
Member
1025 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I dated someone like this and was nasty. I do think he had really low self esteem, but not brushing teeth for days or changing clothes? ew.

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