(Closed) Seriously? Ughhh. I need a little perspective (long, sorry)

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Am I nuts?
    Yes-- you're hypersensitive to the issue : (56 votes)
    64 %
    No- they're out of line : (32 votes)
    36 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    6015 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    Some weddings allow the people from Out of Town to bring their kids to the wedding or provide a babysitter so the parents can attend. Also the cousin may still be nursing, another thing I”ve seen where a baby would be at a wedding, so I could understand the confusion. That said, your Future Sister-In-Law just was explaining her situation and the possible problem attending your wedding, she didn’t sound like she was being demanding or just flat out said, “I don’t care what you want we’re bringing our newborns”.  I think you’re being overly sensitive.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1562 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    Nursing newborns should be allowed, or you need to be prepared that the parents won’t show.  They simply cannot be away from their parents for that length of time.  For other kids though, a babysitter is not a required element of your wedding – stick to your guns about no kids, and if you get backlash, just say “We’ll miss you”

    Post # 5
    Member
    996 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I would just make sure and clarify with her that NO kids, including newborns, are to be allowed at the wedding. If you are also not willing to pay for a babysitter, make sure those with newborns understand this so that they can make proper arrangements for their own kids. 

    I don’t personally feel like I would make any acceptions for newborns just because they are nursing. The reason I didn’t want kids at my wedding was because of the hissy fits and crying fits that are sure to come about with a newborn. After all it is the only way it can communicate. If there are any mothers nursing and they don’t want to pump, they will most likely not come to the wedding. Just make sure you are OK with that 🙂

    Post # 6
    Member
    2385 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I think if you’re okay with people not attending, then you’re fine with not inviting them. I think your Future Sister-In-Law was just explaining to you her options, though, not being snarky.

    Post # 7
    Member
    239 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I honestly say cut out the middle(wo)man and address the cousin yourself. Explain your situation and say that you really appreciate her understanding. You literally only get one day EVER to ask people to (slightly) bend to your will. I personally hate babies at weddings. There, I said it, I’m a bad person bla bla bla. I wouldn’t have the balls to tell my sister in laws not to bring my neices and nephews though :/ please have the gumption I won’t have!

    Post # 8
    Member
    996 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    @FutureMrsEvans7:  I feel that same way you do! I can’t stand babies at weddings >.< Someone actually had the nerve to go against my “no kids” policy and bring their newborn after I specifically told them NOT to bring it. I also told them I’d understand if they were unable to make it due to the fact that the mother was breastfreeding. Sure enough they show up and the kid screams ALL through the beginning of the ceremony. Thankfully my sister, told the offenders to take their kid and leave. Safe to say we don’t talk to them anymore!

     

    Post # 9
    Member
    6533 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @nyscpa2be:  I don’t get this thought process I see all the time that nursing newborns should be an exception. Part of being a parent is accepting that some events are not for your child, and thus, you have to make the decision to go without them or stay home. I’m 100% for breast-feeding, but it’s a choice, and sometimes the choices we make in life can affect other areas. It’s no different that someone who chooses to not let anyone but family watch their child. It’s totally your choice to do so, but you can’t get upset when your family is busy and you have to turn down an invite to something that kids aren’t allowed. 

    OP, we had a kid free wedding. I love kids, but not at weddings. You just need to call her and let her know that you’re so excited for her new arrival, but that you’ve decided not to have kids present, and to be fair to all guests you can’t make any exceptions. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    658 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @nyscpa2be:  a lot of women have a reserve of breast milk

     

    Post # 13
    Member
    732 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I dont think theres a problem with not wanting kids at a wedding, especially a later one  with no sit down dinner like yours. However being a mother of 2 infants I know how hard it can be to find someone to watch the kids for a few hours let alone a day or 2 to travel. In my oppinion, allowing the parents to bring their kids from out of town would be a nice thing to do. Maybe set the kids up at one of your reletives house with someone watching them so the just their parents can go to the wedding? If I were invited to a wedding that I had to travel to and I couldnt bring my kids  or had anyone to watch them I wouldnt be going. So If you stick to that Id be prepaired to have alot of the guests who have kids and need to travel to decline. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    4803 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    She said that she was sure they could figure something out. It sounded like she was just trying to make you aware that in can be a bit of a pain to deal with. I prefer child-free weddings myself, but your Future Sister-In-Law didn’t sound like she was being at all snarky, and I think it would have smoothed things over a lot if you had sounded at least a bit apologetic about the fact that it’s not super convenient for them. Doesn’t mean you have to feel bad about it or change your mind, it would just be nice. I do think you’re being over-sensitive, which I know can be easy to do when you’re expecting the criticism that people love to heap on over child-free weddings, but I truly don’t think your Future Sister-In-Law was trying to offend.

    And I know this isn’t what you are asking about, but since you did mention it…a 6 hour wedding with no sit down meal? Are you having heavy apps/h’ordeuvres?

    ETA: Just read your post that you reached out to the cousin, what you said sounded good to me!

    Post # 15
    Member
    598 posts
    Busy bee

    @PinkMermaid:  I agree with everything you said. Although I too would ideally not want any children at my wedding for the same reason, I’d never get the courage to actually tell people they can’t bring their kids. Maybe I just don’t have the balls? idk. Either way I don’t really think you are overreacting. I don’t see what the big deal is about these people finding a babysitter. They have months to arrange anyway! As for them asking you if you were paying for their babysitter? That was a bit ridiculous.

    Post # 16
    Member
    996 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    @Stranger516:  Trust me, after having been to so many weddings where there are screaming infants everywhere..I got the balls lol. I paid so much to have my dream wedding and it wasn’t going to be ruined by mothers who just couldn’t leave their child with a babysitter or pump some breast milk. 

    The topic ‘Seriously? Ughhh. I need a little perspective (long, sorry)’ is closed to new replies.

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