(Closed) Serving your SO

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2006

Because it seems like this escalated quickly and you said you fly off the handle easily, I am having a hard time putting it into perspective. You might be reading too much into it. Couples can still be comfortable and equal with one another and still make the other one feel respected and needed.

 

Post # 4
Member
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Shae_Baby:  I think you are taking this too far. Stealing food off someone’s plate is technically rude and he might just be used to people asking before they take a bite– I prefer that as well. I don’t think that means that if you have a joint bank account and you’re a stay at home mom, you’ll have to get your grocery list approved.

Some people are more sensitive about boundaries than others, but if his requests are reasonable, I think you should respect his boundaries, especially with trivial things like asking before you eat off of his plate. Also, your facebook post sounds like it was a little emasculating. I would refrain from posting those type of things in a public forum.

Just my 2 cents!

Post # 6
Member
5958 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@Shae_Baby:  You poor thing, today is just not your day, is it?  I would honestly chalk this up to an incomplete pass on the joke field and let it slide….the underlying issue of consideration and kindness is bothering you and I really think it’s a non issue….do you have to ask for food off his plate?  Probably not, but would he appreciate being asked, of course….everyone likes a little consideration, even in the most familiar of circumstances….marriage isn’t fair that one for you, one for me kind of way…it just works out as long as both parties are content and feel heard.

If it were me I would make a sandwich, take a bite out of it and leave it by the door so it’s the first thing he sees when he gets home, I’ll lay even money on him laughing his ass off at it!

Post # 7
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I’m on your side. That sounds like totally something I would do. I see it as a funny joke as well. My Fiance would probably act SIMILAR to yours. Maybe say something like haha FUNNY. but kinda be aggitated that I’m being emasculating. But generally, he would take it as a joke.

It sounds like your fiance took it a little too seriously and now you’re taking his response too seriously. I get where your coming from, but I don’t see any SERIOUS future problems stemming from this little mishap, know what I mean? 🙂

Post # 10
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MissP_Bee:  I do not want to ask permission from my SO like in the future if I choose to stay at home with our future children, I don’t want to ASK for money and so on.

It’s not about asking permission, this is about compromise.  Plus if everything is “OURS” as you say, wouldn’t it stand to reason that you would ask “Can I use OUR money to purchase X?”  “If we’re financially able to, are you comfortable with me staying home to watch OUR children?”  It’s a two way street and you MUST communicate and compromise in order to maintain a successful and healthy relationship.

I don’t understand why he was offended by the comment and picture you posted on facebook.  But if this has been a long-running issue in your relationship (i.e. you’re the Alpha, you’re controlling/demanding, you insist on getting your way) then I suppose I can see how this set him off. 

Furthermore, there is no excuse for flying off the handle.  Like you said, you’re working on it, and that’s good.  But you have to continue to make a conscious effort to fight the urge to get fired up.

Regarding your painful periods… do you have the option to take birth control?

Post # 11
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@MissP_Bee:  In the same way you fear inequality, it sounds like your Fiance fears being controlled by his wife or any resemblance of that (hence his frustration with the FB joke picture).  Obviously, I’m making lots of assumptions here.

 

Post # 13
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MissP_Bee:  Sorry buddy!  I hope you can find something that works for you.

Post # 14
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Asking before you take his food has nothing to do with money control. You’re way out of line in escalating this in a needless way.

If you know you have issues with controlling your emotions and fly off the handle a lot, you should really seek a counselor and learn ways to be more mindfull of your actions. You do have the ability to control it. But, you have to want to.

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