Post # 1
My Boyfriend or Best Friend and I have been dating for 4 years. Since year one, he has given me “time frames” for when he is going to propose. The times would get closer and I would get anxious and excited, then disappointed when the time would pass and there was still no proposal. This has happened 6 times in our relationship. Each time, I trust him a little less and became extremely frustrated and hurt. We cannot live together until we get married per his parents wishes. He cannot even stay over at my house since he still lives at home. He has been avoiding moving out so he wouldn’t have to sign a lease, then have to break it once we get married (I have my own house). I have had roommates to help with my living expenses, because I had anticipated having a husband at this point to financially contribute. Recently, we had a serious marriage conversation. He said he are getting married before the end of the year (he didn’t say get engaged this time. He ACTUALLY said married). This was a first. We set a date (8/12/17) we scheduled it around his summer class and before our next round of classes start (we are starting medical school and want to be married before we are too busy to think about planning a wedding). We have looked at honeymoon packages. Picked a weekend at our venue. Told my parents.
BUT HE STILL HASNT PROPOSED.
I am fuming mad, especially since we are under the 3 month mark at this point. I don’t want to start sending invitations and going crazy with planning without that guaranteed assurance that we are engaged. I’ve tried to talk to him about, but he shuts down when I bring up getting engaged. He will talk about wedding plans, but completely evades the fact that he hasn’t even actually asked me to marry him.
My frustration is becoming unhealthy, and I’m starting to resent him, even though this should be 3 happy months planning a very happy day. Instead, I’m constantly angry and worried that he will let me down and disappoint me like he has the other 6 times in our relationship.
If he doesn’t stick to his word this time, I don’t think I can continue this relationship.. any advice?
Post # 2
I’d be done. I wouldn’t wait any longer – and this is coming from someone who waited 7 years for a proposal. He’s broken your trust over and over and over again. Why are you expecting anything else when he’s shown you who he really is.
If you aren’t ready to leave (which is a decision only you can make, no matter what anyone here says they would do) then you should stop planning the wedding immediatly. Cancel the venue and anything else you’ve booked. Don’t talk wedding or honeymoon with him at all.
Post # 3
I’m not sure you’re going to be able to plan your wedding in three months. This is usually the time frame where people have already sent out invitations. Do you have any other vendors beside your venue?
Post # 4
peoniesandpitbulls : Techincally, invites are supposed to go out 6-8 weeks before the wedding. Sending your invites out at 3 months would be quite early. I’ve had several friends plan a wedding in 3 months or less. It’s entirely possible. Though, yes finding vendors might be difficult.
Post # 5
You might need to cancel with the venue. I would sit down with Boyfriend or Best Friend and figure this out.
Post # 6
hikingbride : I think booking preferred vendors would be really difficult at this point. We began planning our wedding a little over a year in advance and already a few choice venues and photographers were booked. Although of course it depends on the type of wedding OP is looking to have.
Post # 7
Wtf… what did you tell your parents? Have you paid deposits? This makes no sense
Post # 8
Innerdonught : I told my parents that we are getting married on 8/12. My dad owns the venue and he blocked out the weekend that we chose. What doesn’t make sense is that my Boyfriend or Best Friend and I have decided all of this together, but he has made no advances to seal the deal with a proposal.
Post # 9
I mean, if you’re planning a wedding and have a venue booked and etc – you are engaged. Even without a ring or proposal. It isn’t very romantic, though.
But it is weird.
It’s also weird to me that you are old enough to be starting med school but he still can’t disobey his parents to live or stay with you if he wants to.
Are you sure these aren’t excuses? Are you both sure you really want to get married? It sounds like feet dragging to me. I’d be pumping the brakes, hard, on any wedding plans.
Post # 10
Three months could be doable if it’s going to be a small wedding and OP isn’t picky about details. And I understand wanting to get married before starting med school; two of my lab mates got married the summer before starting grad school.
But OP, I don’t think your boyfriend wants to formally propose and isn’t planning to. He’s probably thinking he doesn’t need to since you’ve started planning the wedding. If the proposal is a dealbreaker for you, then you need to tell him, because he isn’t going to do it. I don’t know why some men think that’s acceptable, but they do. My dad never actually asked my mom to marry him; he just hid a ring in a crackerjack box and handed it to her without a word.
Honestly your boyfriend sounds pretty immature, with the broken promises and the reluctance to move out of his parents’ house just because he doesn’t want to deal with a lease. Eventually he’s going to have to suck it up and deal with “adult” things like that, but until he does I can see him being a pain for you down the line every time he is afraid of a jury duty summons or some other responsbility. But maybe you already see this and are ok with it. If so then you need to decide if you need the proposal.