(Closed) Set me straight!!

posted 13 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
205 posts
Helper bee

Everyone has pretty much already said my thoughts. After reading your post my first thought was no, you are by no means wrong! My ex’s mother was the same way and he let her and his friends say things and never defended me. It is one of the many reasons we split and my self esteem took a huge hit because of it. I completely agree with you. I would be very worried if this kind of talk will go on once there are children, how awful that would be for them.

How would your Fiance feel if he found out you sit around and critize him with your friends? He would be hurt if you were talking about him. For example, what if you told your mother he isn’t a good provider, or told your friends that you aren’t satisfied in your relationship? I bet he wouldn’t like it one bit! What he is doing is pretty much the same, he should be defending you and if he is not its just as bad as saying the hurtful things himself.

Last, remember you are so much better than his mother for not treating someone like this. It’s hard but try not to take it presonally!

Post # 33
29 posts

I agree with Miss Apricot and many of the others.

It is not okay for him to let her say things like that, even if she is his mom.  She is disrespecting you AND him.  And he is disrespecting you and I would not want my Fiance do allow that and it makes me think what else is he going to allow her to do?

If others in the family are having the same problems, is he aware of that?  How does he not realize him being passive fuels her fire?  If I were him I would be straight forward and honest about what she is doing and that it is not right.  Even thought it might cause backlash, I would rather it be taken care of and out in the open.  What she is doing is unhealthy.

Maybe she is lonely though and insecure.  Maybe being the bigger person and do family outings including her would help..but after letting her know that saying those uninformed and untrue things are wrong.  If she is used to control and having a mamas boy then let her know she is truely important and will not be left out, but she must open her mind and realize that by accepting the "outsiders" will make it better for all, exspecially her and the family relationship.

But the most imprtant thing imho is getting your Fiance to understand what he is doing and for him to open his mind to what you are feeling.  He should have already fixed this.  If he does not agree with what she is saying, he has the right, and the obligation to you, to tell her and end the conversation if she continues.  I am shocked that he didn’t stop it from the start.

Good luck to you and your FI! 

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