(Closed) Setback =/ (rant/long)

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1081 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Oh, that really sucks 🙁

By the sounds of it, I would forget the timeline he gave you. It sounds like he isn’t prepared to proper until you have a steady income..

I would sit down and have another talk with him because you don’t want to be hoping and wishing for something that he isn’t even considering.

Post # 4
Member
1081 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Oh, that really sucks 🙁

By the sounds of it, I would forget the timeline he gave you. It sounds like he isn’t prepared to proper until you have a steady income..

I would sit down and have another talk with him because you don’t want to be hoping and wishing for something that he isn’t even considering.

Post # 5
Member
1402 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I agree with @dannielle89: on the timeline.  It sounds like he’s not in the same place as you marriage-wise.  I would definitely have another talk about YOUR future together, not just what he is planning to do.  Figure out where you guys fit together.

Post # 6
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

Sweetheart. I hate be devil’s advocate but ….and please forgive me….he does have a point.

Being together now-a-days is a big, BIG financial commitment. My SO and I didn’t move in together until after 3 years of dating because we both understood that it would take a 2-person income to support a home. Being financially prepared, I believe, is necessary first and foremost before talk of marriage. Now that we have been living together and supporting ourselves individually as well as a couple, sharing equally to build a home, we know we can handle being together for the long run. we are talking about marriage now. now that we know we can handle it, both separately and together.

He is right in securing his own future first. It is not his responsibility (at the moment) to make his future living plans with you in the picture because you don’t have, at the moment, a way to keep yourself afloat. We as women are always telling each other to make independent plans first if we are not engaged…he is just doing the same.

If you want to keep the 1-2 year time line then you may need to re-evaluate your own life-timeline. If you would not be able to have any kind of income for 4 years (4 years is a very long time) then maybe you should think about ways to get some extra income or delaying your own thoughts of engagement. You can still be together and love each other and such but you both have to secure your own financial independence. School is very demanding, I know, but his reluctance is well founded in the need to be secure in his own life first. So that he knows he can provide for himself as well as you (Listen to me, I should be following my own advice on that in regard to my own SO). He needs to know that he can pay the rent AND the bills on time, consecutively, before being financially secure enough to feel comfortable thinking about making a life long commitment to you and possibly supporting you if you are not working.

Before my SO and I had permanent, stable incomes, I knew he couldn’t think about making me an honest woman…he first had to think about how he was going to pay this months rent. Now that things are more stable we are talking about it…because we are both ready he is talking about rings.

I had to keep it real. I am sorry. But stay your own course. You are doing something worth while for you and in the end you will be happy that you spent the time and got your degree. Love you man and it will happen when it is supposed to happen.

A lot can happen in two years. Who knows.

Post # 10
Member
1402 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I would want to know where my SO stands in the marriage thing, but if you’re not sure either then maybe you should put it on the backburner and leave it for a while.

The topic ‘Setback =/ (rant/long)’ is closed to new replies.

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