- 3 years ago
- Wedding: December 1969
So my fiance and i are in the beginning stages of planning. We got engaged in March and were not in a rush. I live in a city and all of my family (huge on both parents’ sides) lives in a different state. My fiance’s family lives in the state we live in. My mom is not usually the very loving type, she can be pretty harsh sometimes. I love her and she’s always been a role model (went back to college after having 3 kids, stepped up to the plate when my dad was disabled in a crash and worked 3 jobs), but sometimes she is judgmental of my choices. Which of course, makes me want her approval all the more, right? I know… When my older sister got married, they had a big wedding with lots of family and on the cheap (no dj, family did catering, fake flowers, family member did photos etc). They got married at a state park and got lucky that the weather cooperated. This isn’t what I want. I don’t want a large wedding, and I’m not close with most of my extended family. So I want to get married in the city where I live and have it be smallish. The compromise we made with my parents is that we could also host a very simple/casual reception (I’m thinking along the lines of a graduation party) in my hometown for folks that cannot make the wedding. So when we were in my hometown for Thanksgiving, I asked my mom if she wanted to see some of the possible venues we are thinking of. Her reaction was that they were “too fancy” (they include an old mansion, old library, etc). She then went on to ask if I had looked at parks in the area. She also reiterated that we’ll have do the reception in my hometown because “most of them (my family) aren’t going to drive up there for the wedding”. Thanks mom…
So obviously my mom is being judgmental. But I need to have some sort of conversation with her for many reasons. 1- she doesn’t have to love every decision i make regarding my wedding, but she does need to respect my choices. 2- if she wants to be involved in the process, she needs to quit being so negative/judgmental. She thinks she is offering me help, but really it’s just criticism. 3- she needs to realize that i am making the decisions regarding my wedding because my fiance and i decided on them. she seems to think that my choices are because i’m doing whatever he wants or doing things to please his family. i don’t want to get married in my home state with a bunch of family i don’t know well and many i don’t like. i want to get married in my home, which is where i live now.
my mom has a tendency to write off any time i bring up things about her attitude as me being dramatic or snotty.
Any advice on how to proceed with caution?