Post # 1
Hi. New here. I’m having a lot of trouble agreeing with my fiance on the date of our wedding. We are both really excited about getting married, but have different views on WHEN. There are so many reasons that affect the date, it’s hard to list them all here, but I’m still hoping for some advice.
Has anyone else encountered this problem? If so, how did you deal with it?
Specifically, we have been engaged for over a year now, but weren’t serious about planning and "date-setting" until recently, because I am finishing up my undergrad and didn’t have the time. I want to get married this summer after I graduate (6 months away) and he wants to wait until next summer (a year and a half)! That seems way too far away to me, but I also agree that 6 months is really soon. Before you suggest a one year compromise, I should mention that I live in the northern states and a winter wedding is not really an option at all. This fall would also be tough, because I am beginning grad school in September. I guess there’s probably an obvious solution: I’m going to have to give in and wait a whole year and a half more. I just really don’t want to and am looking for any additional advice for solving this problem.
P.S. I have no idea why this posted to "the dress" and I can’t figure out how to move it.
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2009 - City Hall
I’m having the same problem. I think that if we chose to have a really small "non-wedding" marriage (courthouse), I’ll want to do it sooner, but if we have a real actual wedding/reception, it’ll be a year and a half. I think he wants to wait a year and a half regardless though… so we’ll see.
If you do end up with a year and a half to wait, look at the bright side: It gives you tons more time to plan, save money, and get the venue and vendors that you really want!!
Post # 4
My fiance and I when deciding a date had a few factors to consider. We could get married in Wisconsin, Florida or New York. His family is in Wisconsin, most of my family is in Florida and we both live in New York.
When considering Wisconsin we had to factor in the weather. We were planning Memorial day weekend through Columbus Day. My goal was to choose a location that if it is cold, rainy or hot (all three of which were possible) that we would have options for our guests. We settled on one location which suited us because it had indoor and outdoor settings, and we would have the run of the place. In the end this location didn’t pan out cause when we tried to plan menus, they could not accomodate all of our needs (NY style wedding with cocktail hour, open bar, and sit down dinner) at a reasonable price. They mostly did family style dinner with cash bar and would have to hire lots of staff to accomodate us.
Florida was tricky because of the extremely hot and humid weather July and August, but would have worked for late fall through early spring. Unfortunately the only locations that would do a NY style wedding were unresponsive to my queries and the thought of an away wedding became more daunting.
Then I was back at square one, planning a wedding in NY which I feared would be expensive, and difficult for both of our families since they would all need to travel. My fiance wanted June, he felt it would be nicer to take outdoor picutres, however I was trying to save costs were possible. As weddings are less expensive in the winter, we settled on a late March wedding with a beautiful catering hall. Early spring is tricky in NY, you can still get Noreasters which could bring snow or torrential rain. We chose the Fox Hollow cause it has indoor locations specifically for picture taking, the architecture inside is beautiful and the setting suits us. We will not be able to take photos outside but we have beautiful indoor choices.
Post # 5
I seem to be in the same position that you are. I’m graduating with my undergraduate degree in May and will be beginning my graduate work in September. We were engaged a year ago and decided that getting married in July ’09 worked best for us because the "break" in time for me works out perfectly (completely finished with all undergrad stuff and not yet worrying about my graduate courseload). Since I’m going to be in grad school for 4-5 years for my doctorate, I won’t have another large chunk of time to fit in adequate planning time until I’m completely finished with school.
While this worked best for me, I’m certainly not telling you to rush into a wedding this summer! Since we were engaged last February, we did the bulk of our planning over the summer while we were on summer break. My recommendation would be choosing a date in ’10 and spending as much time as you can allocate to planning this summer as you can (I’m assuming you’ll have more time than in the spring or in the fall).
Good luck planning!
Post # 6
Exactly. We have a few options like that, too, so…like I said, there’s so much that affects the date, it’s hard to figure it out!!!
I really want a very intimate wedding (15 people there max) and if we do it sooner than later, it won’t look like I just didn’t want everyone there. It’ll look more like, we decided to do it kind of soon, so we didn’t want to trouble you and didn’t have enough money to feed you. We would have a bigger reception later.
If we wait, it’s almost like I feel obligated to have a big wedding and plan the whole thing with everyone coming and stuff.
Post # 7
If you are only having 15 people I say go for a mid-August wedding which will give you an extra month or two to plan and still allows you to get married, go on your honey and settle in to married life before school starts in September.
Post # 8
You never need to apologize for how many people you invite to your wedding, no matter when you have it! A wedding for 15 people can definitely be planned in 6 months! I planned one for 100 people in 7 months! Most of the real planning doesn’t get done until then anyway.
Why don’t you ask these 15 people when would work for them? After narrowing down to the fall, we narrowed down further to two possible weekends because of the schedule of my cousins (who as musicians are often on tour). Then we picked one date over the other because of when the church was available.
So if it’s all the same to you, why don’t you scout potential venues and see what is available when? The summer is pretty popular, especially up north, and so your decision may make itself for you.
p.s. Welcome to Weddingbee!
Post # 9
I think the August suggestion sounds like a good compromise. And I’m with you on not wanting to wait forever to get married (my FH would be happy to wait another year if it would alleviate stress for me, but he knows I’m the type to just end up being stressed for an extra year). To add to your discussion, you might also consider that your first year of gradschool may be very stressful and not particularly conducive to planning. I have no idea what your program is like, but I was often working until 2-3AM a few nights a week the first year of gradschool, and was almost always at school from 6AM (at the gym) until about 11PM on weekdays, and often for 4-5 hours/day on weekends. It would have been terrible to be planning a wedding at the same time. That said, things calmed down for me at least by the second year, so alternatively it might be nice to have your first year of marriage be less stressful and distracted. But I’m also very likely going to be moving X-country 1month after our wedding for a year, so you can guess where my preference would stand:) I’m excited to be officially married, and we’ll work out the rest!
Let us know what you decide:)
Post # 10
I think you could plan a beautiful intimate wedding for mid-August. Secure your major vendors and get your dress soon, and then you’ll have the first part of the summer to work on details. Fiance and I will have been engaged for almost 1.5 years when we’re married in May, but I definitely didn’t use much of first several months (too busy finishing my dissertation!). And as a now-former grad student myself, I might add the very practical advice that if your FI is not a student, you’ll have the bonus of having access to spousal health benefits! Grad school health benefits were awful! 🙂
Post # 11
I think it would be a great compromise to do the smaller more intimate wedding this summer, and then take the next year to plan the bigger reception. With a wedding for 15 people you really need a dress, a bride, a groom, and someone to marry you. The rest will really come together quickly.
This sounds so fun, if it were me I would plan a fun, personal, quiet ceremony and go out for a beautiful dinner at a fancy restaraunt. I think I would splurge on a photographer and get amazing pictures with my groom and my nearest and dearest.
Let us know if we can help more! And welcome to Weddingbee!
Post # 12
I’m sorry I’m just agreeing with what the other girls have already said , I think you could pull off a 15 person wedding easily( relatively so) in a few months , and do a larger reception at a later date.
I have to say I wish I was able to do this with my Fiance .
Post # 13
You are all so incredibly helpful! I am loving weddingbee.
I agree wtih every single comment, but HumarockBride really captured exactly how I’m feeling. I think it would be a blast, and really "us" to have a great little get-together with all the important people. I also totally want to splurge on the photography, to share the wedding with those who couldn’t be there. I already found that perfect photographer, so that’s awesome!
I just don’t think I can convince the groom. 🙁
Post # 14
Why is he being so stubborn on it? We originally planned to have a year engagement, but then he got a job super far away so we moved it up to not be apart too long. So now I’m planning a 200+ wedding in 4 months! It’s definitely do-able, especially with something intimate like you want. When the FH and I discussed it before the job offer, he never gave me a good reason to want the wedding to be so far off. He finally realized he was arbitrarily picking a number out of the air with wanting a year and actually had absolutely no good reason, so he backed down and we tried for a date that was only about 9 months out (that had to change to the full year later for theme-related reasons- snowflakes sound like a good idea for a november wedding, until it’s actually november and it’s 70 degrees out. doh.). All that to say make sure you’re clear on his reasons, then talk it out. Surely it’s not a commitment thing, wanting to put it all off. So why’s he being stubborn?
And welcome! I’m a newbee too, and LOVE it here so far!
Post # 15
One of his reasons for wanting to wait is money. Of course. He is going to be paying for the majority of the wedding, but I will help as much as I can. My parents can help a lot more if we wait until 2010.
Another reason is that he is afraid (with today’s economy and horrible job outlook) that I will have to move a long ways away for grad school without him because he doesn’t want to leave a good job here. He doesn’t want to be married and live apart. I don’t really get that.
Another reason is that he feels our communication problems will get a lot better if we have more time to work on them. This is sounding worse and worse, isn’t it?
Post # 16
Completely random- flip a coin.
That way neither of you can be mad at the other for getting your way- it’s totally up to chance.