(Closed) Setting up a registry is tacky? Really?????

posted 6 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 33
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee

I agree with a couple people here that I’d be annoyed if I had to go around asking about the registry.  For me I would feel really awkward about it.  What if I don’t know the couple’s wedding party or parents?  Then I’m left asking the couple, which I think puts them in an awkward spot.  I’d much rather have it out there in the open on the invitation.  I don’t really understand why it’s rude to go to a wedding and not get the couple a gift, and simultaneously rude to make it easier for people to get the couple a gift.

I get that most people on here don’t agree with me.  I don’t actually plan on having a registry of any sort, so I’m definitely not “gift-grabby”.  It’s just my preference as a guest.

Post # 34
Member
12292 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I beg to differ with a PP.  Registering is not tacky, but neither  is it “the polite, traditional thing to do.” Registering only became a thing because department stores wanted to promote sales, not because they are more considerate than allowing guests the actual freedom to choose a gift with no suggestion or hint that  one is expected.  

There really is  a difference between the perception that one is soliciting gifts, and guests discovering that you happen to have a list of household items you are collecting in order to set up house. 

Still, I did not register because I really couldn’t imagine that having one didn’t imply  an expectation,  even if not an obligation. Gifts may be customary on the side of a wedding guest,but on the receiving end  they are supposed to be a happy surprise,  not an entitlement.

Worst comes to worst, there’s always the return counter. 

Post # 36
Member
12292 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

@ilovemariah4:  Again, two totally different things.   What is customary on the part of a guest should have no connection to the sense of entitlement on the part of the would be beneficiary. 

Post # 37
Member
766 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@ilovemariah4:  I had very mixed feelings about doing a registry at first. I feel uncomfortable with asking people to get me things, first of all. But then I realize, if I don’t do some kind of registry, people will guess what we need. We don’t need one more blender in our cabinets at home. If people feel strongly about getting us a gift, I’d rather it be from a list of things that we need. 

 

 

Post # 39
Member
522 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I think I’d have a hard time buying a present for someone who didn’t register… I hate going to a shower where someone gets three or four of the same thing. No matter how gracious the bride is about how they’ll never need to wash a wine glass in their lives, everyone who bought wine glasses sits there glaring at each other and secretly trying to figure out whether or not they bought it first. I’m also too poor to write a check worth a respectable amount of money. So yeah, no registry, no gift.

Post # 40
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@CreatureFromTheBlackLagoon:  +1 to what you said. We have it on our invites. I would rather know where to look and what to buy. My life is crazy hectic so that makes it a little easier for me. 

Post # 41
Member
2598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@ilovemariah4:  The blog was absolutely correct.  Setting up a registry isn’t tacky but advertising it is and doing so absolutely communicates the expectation of gifts by the bride and groom.

If people want to know if you have a registry, they’ll ask or just look it up themselves.

Lastly, it’s not up to the guests to bend over backwards to ensure the couple doesn’t receive a duplicate gift or a gift that the couple has pre-selected themselves. The couple should appreciate the guest took the time and spent their money on a gift in an effort to please them. 

Post # 42
Member
2598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Tigerlilybride:  Your parents were annoyed by having to call the brides parents? If having to talk to these people is so unpleasant for them, why would they even want to go to the wedding?

C’mon now Bees – can we stop with the pretense that asking about or looking up registry info is some mysterious, burdensome chore? The last wedding I went to, I googled the Bride’s name and boom – up popped the registry. If that hadn’t been an option, a quick call to the bride or her Mom would have done the trick. If for some reason I couldn’t access the registry, I would have *HORRORS* picked out a gift for them myself. If I know a couple well enough to attend their wedding, then I should know them well enough to pick out a gift for them. 

Lets also stop with the pretense that advertising the registry information is some considerate gesture for the guest. We all know it’s not – its a self-serving manuever to ensure one gets the gifts they have selected for themselves. 

Post # 43
Member
2598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@CreatureFromTheBlackLagoon:  So basically you feel people need to reimburse you for the cost of any food and alchohol they consume at your wedding in the form of a gift? 

A bride acting in a manner that is rude or offensive towards her guests is responsible and accountable for her choices. It’s not the fault of her guests or of etiquette that they recognize and are put off by rudeness. 

 

Post # 44
Member
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Zhabeego:  THANK YOU. It takes literally two seconds to google a wedding registry, FFS.

Post # 45
Member
754 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I think some people are thinking shower invites and some are thinking wedding invites.

 

The point of a shower is to receive gifts, so include the registry info.

 

The point of a wedding is to invite someone to witness and celebrate the marriage, not shower with gifts. I personally think it is rude when I receive registry info in the wedding invite. IMO, it does look like “and don’t forget to bring a gift”.  I do not think it is “tacky”, it just is not appropriate.

 

I think any proper guest would figure out how to bring you a gift and if they can’t, then cash goes in a nice card.

 

Post # 46
Member
739 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I would never put our registry information on our wedding invitation, but I did post it on our wedding website. 

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