(Closed) Settling or Compromising…

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
7892 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Settling seems like a begrudging compromise. No partner is perfect, but if you love them, you are able to see the good and work through the differences. If you feel like you’re compromising too much, that will lead to resentment and the eventual unraveling of the relationship. Further, if you’re compromising to the detriment of yourself, that’s not good either. 

Post # 3
Member
9528 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Well, I think it depends . If you are overlooking his alcoholism or abusive manners or   dishonesty or vile temper or antifeminism,  then yes, not  good. But if its stuff like being a bit of a slob, or  never cooking , or being embarrassng at parties , well, that might  be not such a big deal to let go .

Post # 4
Member
731 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

View original reply
lannibee:  IMO Settling is saying I’m  not sure this is the one but I don’t want to bother checking anyone else out because I’m scared no oNE else will love me or due to another insecurity. Compromising is I hate doing the dishes and you do too, so I’ll do them every other meal, unless you do laundry which I hate even more.

I know Fiance is the one because he takes good care of me and we can live together. We put each other first and his parents are only sometimes trolls. Fiance is OK w my crazy fam. That is what I look for and he has all the qualities I want in a partner. 

Does he leave pilesof laundry around? Yes. Has he ever cleaned the bathroom? No. Can I live with that? Yes, since i never put the dishes away. Being annoyed is normal as long as it is roommate level annoying.

Post # 5
Member
2551 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

View original reply
lannibee:  My opinion depends on what it is that bothers you. He doesn’t act like a rom com character? That’s something to compromise on. Now if it’s that he hits you but it’s less than other guys you’ve dated, that’s different.

But having realistic expectations isn’t settling.

Post # 6
Hostess
2882 posts
Sugar bee

Settling is when you stay even though you know you deserve better. Compromising is when you accept the other person is a human being and has flaws like anyone else – but you can live with those flaws.

Post # 7
Member
745 posts
Busy bee

I’ve had hard times in my relationship.  Why did I stay?  Because I felt the good always outweighed the bad. 

I left every past relationship when I felt the bad outweighed the good. Nobody else can really tell you when you reach that point.

Post # 8
Member
11373 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Settling is when staying means diminishing part of yourself.  You have to sacrifice part of yourself to settle.

Compromising has to do with the minor clashes/annoyances of Real Life.  Compromise is a positive force, it makes us grow and mature.  There is no damage to the self.  In fact, a healthy spirit of compromise makes us better people.

Post # 9
Member
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

View original reply
desss:  This 100%!!!!! Perfectly worded.

Post # 10
Member
880 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

Settling and compromising can only be defined by the individual. 

Post # 11
Member
9084 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
lannibee:  A compromise is when both parties come to an agreement for mutual benefit. Settling is an individual choice and it may result in another benefiting from that choice. 

Post # 12
Member
1339 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Painswick Church and the Falcon Hotel

I think only you can decide that really. follow your heart

Post # 14
Member
2869 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

View original reply
lannibee:  I don’t think settling can be defined as not getting your own way 100% of the time although there are many people who think they “deserve” to get what they want all the time.  When I think of “settling” I think more about character flaws.

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