Post # 1
What’s the difference? If I make a decision to stay with my fiance even though there are things about him I don’t necessarily enjoy, but am convinced I can live with…is that settling, compromising or what? And at what point in a relationship does it become unhealthy to settle or compromise?
Post # 2
Settling seems like a begrudging compromise. No partner is perfect, but if you love them, you are able to see the good and work through the differences. If you feel like you’re compromising too much, that will lead to resentment and the eventual unraveling of the relationship. Further, if you’re compromising to the detriment of yourself, that’s not good either.
Post # 3
Well, I think it depends . If you are overlooking his alcoholism or abusive manners or dishonesty or vile temper or antifeminism, then yes, not good. But if its stuff like being a bit of a slob, or never cooking , or being embarrassng at parties , well, that might be not such a big deal to let go .
Post # 4
IMO Settling is saying I’m not sure this is the one but I don’t want to bother checking anyone else out because I’m scared no oNE else will love me or due to another insecurity. Compromising is I hate doing the dishes and you do too, so I’ll do them every other meal, unless you do laundry which I hate even more.
I know Fiance is the one because he takes good care of me and we can live together. We put each other first and his parents are only sometimes trolls. Fiance is OK w my crazy fam. That is what I look for and he has all the qualities I want in a partner.
Does he leave pilesof laundry around? Yes. Has he ever cleaned the bathroom? No. Can I live with that? Yes, since i never put the dishes away. Being annoyed is normal as long as it is roommate level annoying.
Post # 5
My opinion depends on what it is that bothers you. He doesn’t act like a rom com character? That’s something to compromise on. Now if it’s that he hits you but it’s less than other guys you’ve dated, that’s different.
But having realistic expectations isn’t settling.
Post # 6
Settling is when you stay even though you know you deserve better. Compromising is when you accept the other person is a human being and has flaws like anyone else – but you can live with those flaws.
Post # 7
I’ve had hard times in my relationship. Why did I stay? Because I felt the good always outweighed the bad.
I left every past relationship when I felt the bad outweighed the good. Nobody else can really tell you when you reach that point.
Post # 8
Settling is when staying means diminishing part of yourself. You have to sacrifice part of yourself to settle.
Compromising has to do with the minor clashes/annoyances of Real Life. Compromise is a positive force, it makes us grow and mature. There is no damage to the self. In fact, a healthy spirit of compromise makes us better people.
Post # 9
This 100%!!!!! Perfectly worded.
Post # 10
Settling and compromising can only be defined by the individual.
Post # 11
A compromise is when both parties come to an agreement for mutual benefit. Settling is an individual choice and it may result in another benefiting from that choice.
Post # 12
- Wedding: October 2016 - Painswick Church and the Falcon Hotel
I think only you can decide that really. follow your heart
Post # 13
Everyone here is so very, very helpful. I think I expect too much of him. It’s stuff like planning dates, giving in to my clingy behavior, and “taking care of business”. All of which doesn’t sound as big of a deal as I was making it last night.
We’re waiting until marriage to have sex and move in together, so it can become quite frustrating when you feel so eager to share ALL of who you are with the other person. So I become sooo clingy. And we’ve been dating for 3 years, so I think I’ve convinced myself that it is him who needs to give in to my clingyness.
Post # 14
I don’t think settling can be defined as not getting your own way 100% of the time although there are many people who think they “deserve” to get what they want all the time. When I think of “settling” I think more about character flaws.
Post # 15
Am I an a**hole? Please tell me if I am because it’s totally possible.
Not taking care of business meaning that he takes forever to make appointments, make calls, and just take care of business. He’s not really a take charge guy, which is definitely okay, but I always have to be on him about completing simple tasks. He’s not great at taking advantage of opportunities, finding resources, or making connections which hurts him in his academic life and career. I’m afraid I’m “settling” in that aspect because I’ve always wanted someone who is the complete opposite of that.