Post # 1
PLease help me! I have researched this board, and others, recently because I’m getting married about a month from now, and I’m experiencing SEVERE anxiety! I have been fine the entire engagement up until now! My FI is wonderful, supportive, and understanding…and I’ve never experienced this feeling before! All of a sudden I’m picking him apart, I got anxiety when we moved into our new place, and I’m afraid becase I don’t know if these feelings are normal to have right before one gets married! It seems that other ladies have experienced similar, but I just want to be sure that they aren’t red flags. The idea of calling the wedding off is ridiculous, and I would NEVER want to lose my FI…but it seems like my anxiety has come from out of nowhere, and I want to know what I can do to shake them so that I can have a wonderful wedding day!
I’ve never moved out of my parents home, I’ve never had my own place, and this is my first (and only) time being engaged. My thoughts are like, “What if I’m still like this after we get married? What if he doesn’t turn out to be the husband I need? What if down the road I don’t love him enough? How do I know he’s TRULY the one for me…how can one really ever know for sure? What if I don’t like being married? What if, what if, WHAT IF” I NEVER thought any of these things before a couple of days ago, and I just want to feel back to normal and carefree about the wedding/married life like I had been feeling! I want all of these “what ifs” to take a hike, and I want to focus on the excitement/happiness of starting a new life! Is something wrong with me? I feel like I’m driving myself crazy!! Please help!!
Post # 3
It is completely normal. You are used to living at home and take moving with getting marriedand living with someone knew and it’s no wonder you are anxious! Being in a relationship is always a work in progress. It isn’t one and done, you always have to work on it and as long as the two of you are committed to it, then you can work through anyything.
There is nothing wrong with you, I was having severe night terrors before our wedding.
Just try to breathe, maybe get a massage or facial to destress and just breathe! It will all be okay!
Post # 4
@MrsSaltWaterTaffy: Thank you for the response! Why does this happen? No one tells you this stuff when you get engaged? It’s all supposed to be wedding dress fittings, drinking champagne with friends/family, and utter bliss right? It’s downright nerve-racking! I want to make sure I made wonderful decision, and I felt that until the nerves set in. Now, I’m taking every “what if” that trickles in as a “red flag.” But, there’s nothing that’s a red flag. I love him, he doesn’t cheat, he treats me like gold, he’s wonderful….so, why do these feelings creep in? I guess I take them as something is wrong?
Why does it happen, and what could I do to change this nasty thought-pattern to something more healthy and reassuring? I just really don’t want to feel like this on wedding day, or going into marriage!
I do, however, feel better knowing I’m not a basket-case/in this alone! Thank you for making me feel better 🙂
Post # 5
@wbee0114: I agree that it is absolutely nerve wracking! I am anxious to begin with – but every once in a while I’ll be like, OMG I am commiting the REST OF MY LIFE to this one person! It is scary and I’m glad to hear someone else thinks like me! I am like you – I can’t imagine my life without my FI and have no desire to not be with him….but marriage and that huge of a committment is terrifying sometimes!
I am still 6 months out, but I know my anxiety will get worse as it gets closer. To be honest, both FI and I have kind of been like, “Ok, we’re ready for the wedding to get here – be over – and then we can move on with our lives!”
Planning is stressful. Don’t forget to take some time for yourself to relax!
Post # 6
@weatherbug: I, too, get anxious about things in life! And I think I am just building things up in my head. I was even teary and nervous before my bridal shower!! Gimme a break! And, once I got there…I was fine!! I just get jittery over big events/decisions, and then I let the “what ifs” run away with me. I just need to trust that everything will work out, and that everything will be okay!!
It’s amazing how I can drive myself into a tizzy with thinking about all of the possibilities of a situation! I guess it’s fear of the unknown that gets me worked up, even my mom said that when I talked to her about it, and that what I was feeling was normal. 🙂
Post # 7
@wbee0114: Believe me, it happens to a lot of women…I was one of them lol You are right, its not something that a lot of people talk about unfortunately. But let’s face it, getting married is one of the BIGGEST life transitions ever! I had a hard time with the thought of leaving my parents house as well and it took a little bit of adjustment time once DH and I started living together, bc I was sad I wasn’t with my parents. But having our own space now, coming home to him every night, going to sleep next to him and waking up next to him, its so wonderful.
You’re going to go through so many emotions over the next month, but honestly once you get that dress on…you are going to be so excited and so happy. I didn’t have one ounch of anxiety that day…and I went through similar emotions during my engagement that are you are experiencing right now. So take a breather, realize its normal and that you are just taking your marriage seriously, as people should!
Also, this site might comfort you as well. Sheryl Paul has such great insight on major life transitions. Good Luck! http://conscious-transitions.com/
Post # 8
Hey, you’re not alone. I got it at the beginning of our engagement – it was pretty bad. Like pretty-much-caused-major-strife-just-with-my-own-fears bad.
Once I realized what was happening, I immediately plunked myself into weekly counseling to help myself get over it (the first thing he said to me was “You are fine – plenty of people have these thoughts, and this sounds like it’s normal for Cakey” which made me feel a million times better)
Took a couple of months but I eventually resolved it with his help and on my own. I still get nervous but not as badly. I mean… getting married is kind of a big deal!
And BTW – it looks like there’s lots of major life events going on for you right now! I am not surprised that it’s sort of messing with your system – you’ve shaken up the status quo! That’s want happened to me, until I got myself to a place which was the new normal (can I just say “my new quo?” I really want to haha)
There will always be “what ifs” in your life! But it’s no use dwelling on them… some may never come to pass! You just have to get yourself to a place where you can roll with the punches and still stop to smell the flowers (because life would be no fun otherwise)
You have to start making an effort to break up any negative/anxious thoughts – it’s hard but when you get the hang of it, it’s very liberating.
Here’s a good mantra/quote/reminder to think positively that I love, which I think would be wonderful for you: “Worrying is meditating on a bad outcome”
Post # 9
At around the one month mark I fell into a deep depression. I snapped at my FI all the time, I cried every day, I had severe anxiety. It wasn’t about my FI, but more about the wedding and the fact that I’m moving to a new country afterward. I think it’s rather normal to have some sort of emotional stress during the engagement period.
Post # 10
@wbee0114: I am so glad you posted this and other ladies are commenting. Sometimes I feel like people who are engaged are all “Omg I have no doubts about anything, I love him so much, etc. etc.” It’s nice to hear there are other ladies who have the same completely rational fears that I do!
Post # 11
All of you ladies are wonderful! I feel so much better after seeing these posts! I don’t feel like I’m alone anymore,
and I love this: ““Worrying is meditating on a bad outcome”
THANK YOU FOR POSTING THAT!! It is so very true!
I recognize now that I’m just letting the weight of it all finally hit me, and I’m actually allowing myself to feel all of the emotions that come with engagement/marriage! It’s a very big time for a woman (well, and for the boys too)…role transition, moving out, changing last names, new home, new environment…and it’s all at once! I feel that posting here has alleviated a lot of stress, and I feel much more relaxed now.
Thank you so much for the support, Lady Bees! Hugs all around for calming down this “buzzing bride!” 🙂 Merry Christmas!!
(…and, don’t be surprised if I pop back up here for a reminder of everything we just talked about LOL!!!)