Post # 1
Hello Wedding Bees!
I have been engaged for a little over 2 months now with the wedding only 3 months away. It has taken me a few days to put my feelings into words but here it goes….
Has anyone ever suffered from severe pre-wedding jitters? I know this is supposed to be the happiest time of my life, but I’ve been very uptight since the week after my engagement. I’m talking about stomach cramps, migranes, feeling like I’m on the verge of crying when I get too many questions about the wedding….And I truly love my fiance, I have no doubt that he’s the one I should marry. At times I doubt I’ll be a good enough wife or if I can be stable enough financially, emotionally and spiritually.
We have nearly EVERYTHING done for the wedding and I have been a wreck and hiding it the best I can. My fiance constantly asks me if I’m OK (usually, Im a very positive little ball of energy and smiling constantly), and I’ve let him know that he shouldn’t worry about me. I went to a wedding expo with my maid of honor and mom today and couldn’t help but notice how excited my mom and Maid/Matron of Honor were while I was feeling hot and sweaty looking at all the flowers, dresses, and displays….
If it helps for my description, my fiance and I are both practicing Christians and in our early twenties.
Can anyone relate or offer any loving advice? PLEEEASE respond 🙂
Post # 3
I think you should see a therapist, honestly. It sounds like you are reacting really strongly to the major life change of getting married, and I think they would really help you in examining what factors are pushing you in the direction of severe anxiety. Stability issues from growing up? Uncertainty about the expectations of your role in a marriage? It’s really improtant that you explore that!
Also, as someone who’s been married over a year and a half, let me put you at ease – once you get past the moving-in phase (for us was before the wedding, but since you said you are Christian, I didn’t want to assume you’d made that leap yet), things don’t change a whole lot. WHen we got married, nothing actually changed for us. We are still going on big adventures, still in the same financial position. If you can afford your life now, you will be ok (I promise!). People look at marriage as this incredible ending of something, but for us it really multiplied the possibilities and created a stable platform from which to pursue our goals as a united team. But so far, nothing is radically different. That probably won’t change until we have a baby!
Post # 4
I’m sorry to hear that you’re not feeling well right now. I’ve experianced some of the same issues myself during the wedding planning process. I too have never have doubted for one moment the person I’m going to be married to, but weddings are very stessfull to say the least. I was not dealing well with things until I issued myself a ”Non planning day” every week. I know your wedding date is coming up soon, but you may just need some time to decompress. I started refering to our wedding as ”The tumor” cause I had a constant headache and I was finding even the smallest tasks to be overwhelming.
Can you discuss this with your Mom, maybe she can help put your mind at ease or help you with some of the planning. Also I’ve found the early stages of planning to be the most sressfull and it’s gotten easier as we’ve gone along. I also found after we booked our venue and I put my foot down on the guest list I’ve been a lot less stressed about it.
If I can be of any assistance to you at any time, I would be more than happy to offer you an opinon or just listen.
Take care 🙂
Post # 5
@Miss. Fressia: “At times I doubt I’ll be a good enough wife or if I can be stable enough financially, emotionally and spiritually.” – I can relate to this very well… Fiance does almost everything… and the financial part of it make me feel unworthy. He’s said he will support me however and whenever but to me… thats not good enough.
although it still bugs me, i have come to realize that i might not be able to buy him lavish things or be little suzy homemaker… but i will love him with all my might and all my power and This he will never doubt… and THIS is good enough for me… things will perk up, and if your still feeling this way, talk to him. its not good to keep these things inside. it might not be wedding jitters… but in fact it might just be stress, this is a huge transition for a couple and women usually take on the burden (so i am experiancing)
Post # 6
@Miss. Fressia: Me! I did. Oh man…I was horrible. My hubs said he thought I’d be so happy getting engaged, but it sent me into a spiral. Everything stressed me out. But I was planning a wedding, changing jobs, and moving from a great city to the country where I knew no one. It was A LOT!
I would say give yourself permission to be stresed, but find ways to destress. Take days off from the things that stress you out, yoga, pilates, walks, etc. Allow your Fiance to tell you when you seem to be going off the depend…like have a safe word so that he can let you know you’re crossing over into crazytown.
I was a hot mess the week of. Holy crap. 2 days before his parents got to our place and I had a panick attack. But the day we left to go to the wedding site for the rehearsal, cool as a cucumber and I’ve been pretty stress-free since.
It’s hard. If you need someone to vent to, pm me.
Post # 7
So, how are you feeling now? 5 days to go? Are you les anxious and feeling better about the wedding? I hope so. I hope you enjoy your wedding day and that you are very happily married.
Post # 8
Hi dear, I know a number of people whose engagements weren’t filled with fairy-tale bliss so don’t feel bad! My sister said her engagement was one of the roughest times of her relationship. I ran into a website with some very helpful articles on pre-wedding anxiety. I read them over several times sometimes.
That being said, if these feelings persist or get worse, I would definitely talk to someone close to you. Get it off your chest. Perhaps through talking, you can pinpoint what is stressing you out.
Don’t doubt yourself or be hard on yourself. Take care of yourself and hang out with your family members when you have time. God’s got you and your fiance and your whole life in his hands.
I’ll be praying for you and sending love your way.
Post # 9
I completely understand what you’re going through! I’m 6 months away from my wedding and have had to put my plans on hold as I simply cannot cope at the moment due to wedding anxiety. My anxieties are more focused around my h2b though as I just feel so different and weird around him for no reason at all! It makes me feel so guilty as he’s done nothing wrong yet I’ve barely let him near me for the last week. I have no idea why I feel so strange around him and I’m really panicking I won’t snap out of it! 🙁 help!
Post # 10
My fiance and I both have a lot of fear about marriage. We both come from broken homes. No doubt, we love one another. We’ve been together almost five years and we know that’s what we want…still, when I booked our condo in Maui for the wedding week I got this burning in my stomach and this real anxiousness. We just keep talking through it together. We are not our parents…we have complete trust in one another…and we just keep the lines of communication open. So many people think “doubt means don’t”. I, too, discovered conscious transitions website and it is very very helpful to learn that this step in life is such a gigantic life transition that it’s almost silly to think one wouldn’t have fears or doubts (even if most won’t admit it.) I think it’s a good thing if it feels scary because it means you take it seriously. We are looking forward to our wedding day and we are pretty much certain that we’ll be having to go through the fearful emotions a few times along the way.
Post # 11
- Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY
Don’t put so much pressure yourself to feel all rainbows and butterflies about your engagement, but if you are feeling that physically stressed from the thought of wedding planning, maybe take a step back and re-assess the situation? Something is clearly getting to you. I hope you feel better soon and are less stressed!!
Post # 12
@Rachh6: hi there, I’ m going through exactly the same situation. Any advice to give? Did you get over It and how? thank you