Post # 1
Ladies…I’m at a complete loss for words. My heart is telling me one thing…but my mind/God I feel are giving me signs. I got engaged in April…wedding is in September (this year). I love him to death. We have been together 2 years–we went through so many obstacles–family, faith issues, and personal health decisions.
Shortly after getting engaged…it’s like God has been telling me to wait…that something/someone else is out there waiting. Waiting for me.
It’s not cold feet. It’s not family/in-laws/personal doubts. It goes deeper than that.
Shortly after we began dating, I discovered some very disturbing details about his past…not ordinary–“oh, he’s been around the block with a few girls”. I mean DISTURBING. That is in the back of my mind…on top of these new “feelings.”
What would you do? I have talked to him about this. He wants us to go to counseling. But the counselor will tell me I need to do what’s right–that’d be to call off the wedding. But I am so afraid….he isn’t something I look forward to in my day. HE IS A PART OF IT. INTEGRATED. My fiance tells me it is my call…he doesn’t want to live without me..but it’s up to me.
I need to decide now before more money is spent and people pay for plane tickets.
PLEASE. I have prayed and contemplated like crazy…..I need outside opinions….
Post # 3
If your gut feeling is telling you to call off – or at least postpone – the wedding, then that’s what you need to do. It will not be easy. But it will be less difficult to do it now than a week from now, or a month from now, or a week before, or a few days before, or …
TRUST YOUR GUT FEELINGS.
Post # 4
@RBailey: if you feel in your heart of hearts that this is not right call it off now!!!!
and you dont sound to me like you even want to try and fix things.
feeling the way you do like someone is waiting for you is not a good thing.
call it off you will feel so much better or you will see how you truly feel.
blessings and good luck!
Post # 5
I think you should try counseling – it sounds like you really love him and these new feelings sound like just a crush if I’m reading you right. Maybe the counselor can help you understand if the disturbing detail is the deal breaker kind or can be worked through.
Post # 6
At the very least postpone your wedding.
Sounds like all the most important deal breakers in a relationship you guys have ‘struggled with’. Perhaps waiting some more would be best, and really reevaluate and pray with and without your partner about your future with your fiance.
Post # 7
You should at the very least postpone until you’re absolutely sure. And why not try counseling, you never know – you may get insight you never expected.
Post # 8
@Eva Peron: Yep.
The fact that you’re on this website asking for help tells me you are terrified to marry this man. Marriage should be something you are thrilled about. If any little part of you isn’t 110% sure, don’t do it. Just wait.
Post # 9
I’m a therapist and a good therapist won’t tell you what to do. A good therapist will help you figure out what YOU want to do and help you figure out how to go through with what YOU want to do, whatever that may be.
Please go see a therapist! If they do tell you what to do, then find a different therapist.
Post # 10
I don’t think this is something strangers can decide for you. Sounds like your faith is very strong, trusts your guts and your feelings. Postpone the wedding if necessary. It does sound weird to me that he just says is up to you… shouldn’t he fight for your relationship?
and you already say that the right thing to do will be to call of the wedding… so it sounds like you already made up your mind
Post # 11
Hmmm, how are you certain what a therapist would suggest? Every one that I have known basically help me make a decision. I think you’re looking for a reason to bolt and you don’t need one other than it not feeling right. If you think he’s worth it, try the therapy.
Post # 12
I second the PP who have said to go see a counselor – with an open mind – keep in mind that counselors are highly trained folks (as opposed to just talking things through with your mom or friend) and they will help to clairfy your feelings.
I don’t think you should call things off right now, but I think you should postpone the wedding…you can easily do the ole’ “we decided to push back the wedding when we realized how much everything cost and need some more time to save $$” if people ask why.
Post # 13
No one can tell you what to do. If you are having these kinds of thoughts I think you should at least postpone to give yourself more time to figure things out without the pressure of the wedding looming.
Post # 14
I think you should definitely go to counseling. Thes counselor will not just say you should do what you think is right. They can offer real help from an objective perspective
Post # 15
I say postpone the wedding. Go to counseling and decide after some sessons what you want to do. Without knowing what you consider to be disturbing about his past this is about the only advice you can get here and you can open up and discuss the disturbing details with a therapist.
I would postpone soon though, before people make plans or you send out invites.
Post # 16
I don’t think you can continue to move forward with everything with the doubts your having. Postpone it, and if everything works out in the end you can go forward with the conviction that marrying him is the right thing for you. This is a big decision and you need to be sure!