Post # 17
Shortly after we began dating, I discovered some very disturbing details about his past…not ordinary–“oh, he’s been around the block with a few girls”. I mean DISTURBING. That is in the back of my mind…on top of these new “feelings.”
You’ve been with him 2 yrs and have know this information almost the whole time. If you are only thinking about not marrying him now because of it …what changed? Something new must have come to light or you wouldn’t have said yes, you wouldn’t have set a date, you wouldn’t be moving forward if this issue was truly the reason. I would definitely get counselling quickly. Have you done any marriage prep courses or counselling? If not, I would recommend it. You will quickly see if you are right or wrong for each other. I’m not sure how old you are, maybe you feel you are too young and have more life to experience. You could just be having cold feet.
Post # 18
I think you should speak to someone about this. Without more information that is the best advice any of us can give. However, when you say disturbing my first thought are things like murder and rape. If something like this is the case, you need to get out.
Post # 19
Honey, if your heart’s saying go…then go.
Post # 20
The fact that you have to even post this question should be answer enough.
Post # 21
Absolutely trust your gut. It doesn’t talk to your heart, so it can’t lie.
Post # 22
My only advice is: always follow your gut.
Post # 23
You can’t reverse things once they occur, so if I were you I’d either cancel or postpone the wedding. You should be absolutely certain you want to live your life with him (even with his past). Good luck, dear.
Post # 24
what signs are you talking about? Can you be more specific? I had terrible cold feet but I am super happy after marrying my honey so I’m not quick to throw out advice..
Post # 25
Trust your gut it’s trying to tell you something. Postpone or put on hold the wedding, take a step back and breathe. Perhaps consider going to counseling and see what comes to light there. Your wedding should be one of the happiest days in your life.
Post # 26
Please elaborate on the feeling that someone is out there waiting for you? When did this start?
Also, please elaborate what types of details you found out and how you found out.
Finally, it sounds like your feelings have already been discussed with your Fiance which is good-at this point I would think postponing the wedding would be good as it is too soon to solve what sounds to be deep-rooted issues.
Post # 27
All of your ladies’ input is wonderful, and greatly appreciated. I have mulled over all of it before–I guess it’s just a matter of what I feel is right. I know I want to marry him. I absolutely do. I just can’t shake this “feeling”…and I don’t know why.
Some of you are asking for more details…..so here they are….
His background includes “experimenting”…I don’t think I need to elaborate on that. We’ve discussed it–I’ve asked hard questions and he’s answered them.
Some of the “trials” we’ve experienced–it saddens me to even mention them because they could have been avoided in the first place (and I admit to that). My family fell apart while we were dating. We had a child together–and lost it. I had a couple of severe health problems that we’re still working on.
He is the best listener. He is patient and forgiving. He stuck around when my family was being rude and disrespectful. He stands up for me and has my back no matter what. We both told each other months after dating–that we knew at the same time we’d marry each other–at a bowling alley in August 2010–when we had our first in-depth conversation after meeting.
He is a part of me. But I also know life is short. And we need to avoid heartache if possible. If we know for CERTAIN our choice is the right one…or the wrong one…
Much love & thanks…
Post # 28
@RBailey: I really do think that talking to a professional about what is playing on your mind (his experimenting) is the best thing to do. They will help you work through it. Sometimes what we think of as disturbing can actually seem so much less so if we talk about it in the open and examine it with a third party. It doesn’t sound like this is something that he does now or that should really affect your future in any way.
You have been together through so much, I think that you need to give this a big shot before just throwing it away. Postpone the wedding though, just in case this takes longer than the deadlines. But I really think that you can work through all of this.
Post # 29
Firstly I have to say that to those who are saying “you should be nothing less than thrilled and “110 percent sure” about getting married, that I disagree.. As someone who has been dealing with engagement anxiety, talking to a bridal counselor about it, and hearing from other women who aren’t just completely and blissfully engagany and dealing with the questions, fears or anxiety, I have to say that counseling would be the way to go. I thought my “gut” was telling me to run for the hills, but Doing the work with my counselor to discover why my inner voice was speaking so strongly to me caused me to take stock of how my past relationships have affected this new, awesome relationship with a completely wonderful guy. Your counselor will help you determine if your red flag issues really are a deal breaker, or if you just have some inner work to do to figure out whether getting married now, and to your current mate is the right choice for you. Good luck!!
Post # 31
I am telling you I had all those what if moments and I honestly think it was all just cold feet… I love my Darling Husband more than anything and sure EVERYONE could have a what if… I think you REALLY need to think and evaluate this, please PM with any questions, I’m more than happy to open up.