(Closed) Severely need Advice…call off my wedding??

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
986 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Shortly after we began dating, I discovered some very disturbing details about his past…not ordinary–“oh, he’s been around the block with a few girls”. I mean DISTURBING. That is in the back of my mind…on top of these new “feelings.”


You’ve been with him 2 yrs and have know this information almost the whole time.   If you are only thinking about not marrying him now because of it …what changed?  Something new must have come to light or you wouldn’t have said yes, you wouldn’t have set a date, you wouldn’t be moving forward if this issue was truly the reason.   I would definitely get counselling quickly.  Have you done any marriage prep courses or counselling?  If not, I would recommend it.  You will quickly see if you are right or wrong for each other.  I’m not sure how old you are, maybe you feel you are too young and have more life to experience.    You could just be having cold feet

Post # 18
Member
1042 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I think you should speak to someone about this. Without more  information that is the best advice any of us can give. However, when you say disturbing my first thought are things like murder and rape. If something like this is the case, you need to get out.

Post # 19
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

Honey, if your heart’s saying go…then go.

 

Post # 20
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2013

The fact that you have to even post this question should be answer enough. 

Post # 21
Member
240 posts
Helper bee

Absolutely trust your gut. It doesn’t talk to your heart, so it can’t lie.

Post # 22
Member
6741 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

My only advice is:  always follow your gut. 

Post # 23
Member
5984 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1999

You can’t reverse things once they occur, so if I were you I’d either cancel or postpone the wedding.  You should be absolutely certain you want to live your life with him (even with his past).  Good luck, dear. 

Post # 24
Member
1352 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

what signs are you talking about? Can you be more specific? I had terrible cold feet but I am super happy after marrying my honey so I’m not quick to throw out advice..

Post # 25
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Trust your gut it’s trying to tell you something. Postpone or put on hold the wedding, take a step back and  breathe. Perhaps consider going to counseling and see what comes to light there. Your wedding should be one of the happiest days in your life.

Post # 26
Member
1329 posts
Bumble bee

Please elaborate on the feeling that someone is out there waiting for you? When did this start?

Also, please elaborate what types of details you found out and how you found out.

Finally, it sounds like your feelings have already been discussed with your Fiance which is good-at this point I would think postponing the wedding would be good as it is too soon to solve what sounds to be deep-rooted issues.

Thanks!

Post # 28
Member
3638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@RBailey:  I really do think that talking to a professional about what is playing on your mind (his experimenting) is the best thing to do. They will help you work through it. Sometimes what we think of as disturbing can actually seem so much less so if we talk about it in the open and examine it with a third party. It doesn’t sound like this is something that he does now or that should really affect your future in any way.

You have been together through so much, I think that you need to give this a big shot before just throwing it away. Postpone the wedding though, just in case this takes longer than the deadlines. But I really think that you can work through all of this. 

Post # 29
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Firstly I have to say that to those who are saying “you should be nothing less than thrilled and “110 percent sure” about getting married, that I disagree.. As someone who has been dealing with engagement anxiety, talking to a bridal counselor about it, and hearing from other women who aren’t just completely and blissfully engagany and dealing with the  questions, fears or anxiety, I have to say that counseling would be the way to go. I thought my “gut” was telling me to run for the hills, but Doing the work with my counselor to discover why my inner voice was speaking so strongly to me caused me to take stock of how my past relationships have affected this new, awesome relationship with a completely wonderful guy. Your counselor will help you determine if your red flag issues really are a deal breaker, or if you just have some inner work to do to figure out whether getting married now, and to your current mate is the right choice for you. Good luck!! 

Post # 30
Member
986 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

sent you a PM

Post # 31
Member
1352 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I am telling you I had all those what if moments and I honestly think it was all just cold feet… I love my Darling Husband more than anything and sure EVERYONE could have a what if… I think you REALLY need to think and evaluate this, please PM with any questions, I’m more than happy to open up. 

The topic ‘Severely need Advice…call off my wedding??’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors