So…I have an update, of sorts.
I went to see the counselor on Monday. He is the same gentleman my Fiance and I saw over a year ago about my family drama. He has known my guy for a few years.
He pretty much said what I thought he would–that he can’t tell me not to marry him, but that I “know what I need to do.”
We addressed several topics to determine the underlying feelings I was having.
– His bisexual/experimenting: He said that stuff “doesn’t just go away.” Although my fiance has told me his reasoning, the counselor’s statement stands. Not to mention my fiance’s answers will sometimes be contradictory. He grew up without a father, and while that in itself doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world, it does contribute sometimes. A guy will experiment or seek approval from other men–and sometimes take the sexual route.
– Him not mending his own heart and taking care of any issues he has internally–because until he does, he won’t be able to care for and protect mine. Until that happens, I become elevated and take on the role of his mother–which I’ve noticed at times.
– His occassional unwillingness to make a move. The counselor told him as long as he’s known my fiance, he has been like that. If he couldn’t go to “xyz” school, then he didn’t want to go anywhere. If “xyz” couldn’t work out for him, he’d forget about it and go the polar opposite direction or bag it all together. While I didn’t bring this up to the counselor, I began thinking back, and realized that has been true to a minimal degree. (But then again, I’m like that in my own stubbornness sometimes–we all are).
I left the session feeling like I needed to end it right then and there–or post-pone it. I don’t think I could post-pone…intentionally. If our paths crossed later on, then it’s God’s will. But as long as he was around and we were interacting, there wouldn’t be the genuine time for growth/healing that’s necessary.
The counselor scheduled for an appt this coming Monday, as a follow-up after “doing what I need to do.” I talked to my fiance about much of the session, but not ALL of it. There were some things said that should come from the counselor–straight to my fiance’s ears. He said he’ll go on Monday in my place, because I asked him to.
Basically–I am waiting to see what comes of that session. If there is a break-through, or he realizes we can work on it and proceed with marriage, to grow together, I will be open to it. If he comes out upset and in denial, I don’t think I can do this……….
I couldn’t sleep until 4 am this morning…just thinking over everything. This literally makes me sick to my stomach……
Please pray for me…as I am, myself…
Thank you, Bees…