Post # 1
My fiance and I have been together for over 3 years and are getting married in a few months. We were both virgins (not bashing anyone, but how awesome is it that we were each other’s firsts?) when we started dating. We waited to have sex until we were both ready. After that first time, that was it. We were “together” ALL the time and couldn’t get enough of each other.
Flash forward to present-day. We are now living together. The sex is still amazing, it’s just nowhere near as often. Sometimes I feel like a crazed sex addict because I want sex ALOT and he is happy with it once or twice a week. It’s not that I want sex everyday, I would just like it a little more often.
Anyway, I love my fiance very much and no, there is no way that he could be cheating on me. For one, that’s not who he is and two, I take him to and pick him up from work everyday seeing as we share a vehicle. Other than work, we’re together the rest of the time.
I told him how I felt about the sex issue and he listened. I asked him why he didn’t want sex ALL the time like most men do and he told me, “because I’m not like most guys.” He also told me that he didn’t want me to feel like that’s all I’m good for, didn’t want us to get pregnant before we’re ready (I’m on birth control and we use protection), and that he just doesn’t need it to be happy with me.
My question is this:
Should I be worried about there being less sex, or am I just lucky?
Post # 3
I’m not sure what you mean by “lucky”.
As for being worried about it… is it bothering you enough that it’s a problem? Are you arguing about it? If not, no reason to worry.
It is perfectly normal for a man to not have a ridiculous, insatiable sex drive. Not all men want/need sex everyday.
Post # 4
You’re lucky. And get used to this conflict, because over time the disparity increases – a woman’s sex drive becomes stronger and a man’s often becomes weaker, or stays the same.
But men can be incredibly sensitive to the idea of being used for sex, so that’s where part of his reaction comes from.
Don’t worry about it. It sounds like you have a great relationship. And if you get frustrated and want more, well, learn how to take care of yourself. Seriously.
Post # 5
Honestly, the projected idea that men want sex all the time is just that- a projected idea. Every.person.is.different. In my experience (my own personal, and also talking to female friends-) women want sex more.
Post # 6
I’m in the same boat, don’t be worried. I guess some guys aren’t sex-crazed.. and they’re also older now.. He tells me “I’m not the 25 year old you first started dating…” lol Geez old man! I wouldn’t worry about it.. or put pressure into having sex if he doesn’t want to..
Post # 7
- Wedding: April 2012 - St. Philip Catholic Church/Arcadia Brewing Co.
I don’t know if you’re lucky, I also would like it one or two times more a week, but I think it is normal for it to taper off a bit after a few years (and after you start). If you were not getting any or feeling unsatisfied I would say that is something to worry about. But that does not sound like the case.
Mr. Aardvark was my first and I was sure something was wrong with me when he didn’t want it all the time. I always thought all men want it all the time. I really don’t think that is true though.
Post # 8
@DeathByDesign: I’ve talked to a few friends who told me I was lucky to have a guy who didn’t want sex every single day.
We have argued about it every once in a while, but not to the point where it’s blown out of proportion. And honestly, some of it does come from a place of insecurity on my part. This is the issue: He doesn’t want sex as much as I do. I like it alot, he doesn’t.
Post # 9
@cbee: Honestly, the projected idea that men want sex all the time is just that- a projected idea. Every.person.is.different.
This. I’d be unhappy being held to a sex frequency standard based on my sex – everyone has different preferences. Hopefully y’all can work it by compromising on frequency!
Post # 10
I also don’t know what you mean by “lucky?” Do you mean because he told you he values and loves you more than just for sex? Well, yes, that is how it should be, so you’re lucky in that sense. Sex is only part of a relationship, not the entire thing.
It is normal for different people to have different sex drives. Or, could he be under some kind of stress, like from work, for example, that’s been on his mind and could explain the change?
Also, relationships go through changes and cycles and it doesn’t necessarily mean anything’s wrong.
From what he said it doesn’t seem as though you have anything to be concerned about.
Post # 11
@FutureMShields: Insecurities? So do you maybe feel like you are “not good enough” or something and that is why he doesn’t want sex as much as your friends’ partners do?
If so, I don’t think you need to worry about that. He probably genuinely just has a lower sex drive than you. I’m sure he still finds you very attractive. 🙂
Post # 12
Fi and I have the same “problem”! We actually just talked about this last night!
My sex drive is WAYYY high, he’s happy just snuggling and bein near me.
We talked ( this is not gonna come off the way i mean it…) and we decided that we were gonna try to have sex ~2-3x a week , more if its a good week. 😉
Post # 13
@DeathByDesign: I think you may have hit the nail right on the head. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it but your comment seems to have hit a nerve. I do think it’s because the fequency change has me feeling a bit unattractive.
Thank you for helping to put it into perspective!
Post # 14
@FutureMShields: Everyone bones like crazy when they first hook up & frequency changes. It’s totally normal!
Post # 15
Maybe you need to spend some time apart. If you are spending ALL your time together he may feel a little stifled. Maybe he needs a boy’s weekend away with his buddies or something. Being away from you for a bit might make him realise how much he wants you.
Post # 16
Happens to everyone. We aren’t doing it now, since we’re getting married in a few weeks. When we first started sleeping together, I kid you not – 12 times a week. Twice a day and more on the weekends. And we didn’t live together! After 5 years… a couple times a week. You realize it isn’t going away and you appreciate all the other things about each other, too.
But… I could be there all the time and we just never get around to doing it. Until we do and it’s awesome and we say “why don’t we do this more often?!” I leave for a week for work and he practically tackles me at the door when I come home. It is true that you get comfortable. You do have to try in relationships. Don’t talk about sex, just do it. Get it bed, cuddle up to him, and don’t stop until he says no.