Post # 1
Hey ladies, just a warning, there is a little Too Much Information in this post, so if you are super sensitive, feel free to click away now!
Sooo, here goes: I’m pretty sure my DH was not attracted to me at all during pregnancy. Please don’t be offended by this, but he’s always maintained that he thinks pregnant women are gross and I don’t think it was any different when the baby was his. We hardly did it at all during pregnancy and the last month or so in the rare instances I offered I even got turned down once or twice. I gained 42 lbs. at 5’3 and was even disgusted with myself so I don’t blame him.
Fast forward to now, I just had a baby a couple of weeks ago and the weight has just been MELTING off. My stomach is flat again and I must have been carrying a lot of water because I had to have lost at least 80% of it already. Low and behold, I can tell DH is attracted to me again, but the only problem is we can’t do anything for at least 6 weeks post partum. I think he’s getting frustrated from being so sex deprived and keeps making moves, which usually lead to me doing him favors.
With Lochia and stitches I obviously can’t get anything in any way, shape or form. So question ladies, is this it? I am I just stuck with doing favors for the next four weeks now? Yesterday was his bday and he seemed really disappointed he didn’t get anything “fun” from me. I’m freakin exhaused from being up all night with our newborn, and I gave him the day off from her feedings/changings completely yesterday because it was his birthday but it really took a lot out of me. I just couldn’t do it. I feel really bad for him…. 🙁
Just curious how everyone else dealt with the 6-week wait? And if after EXACTLY 6 weeks did you feel ready to go back to it right away? I think I’ll be scared regardless how long we wait, but 6 weeks doesn’t feel like a whole lot.
Post # 3
:-/. Good question, I don’t know. My husband is actually really attracted to my “pregnant-ness” and wants it all the time. So not sure how that is going to go during recovery. Posting to see what other Bees say.
Post # 4
I’m not in a similar situation so I can’t add to this thread with my own experiences…but if my Fiance ever expected to get anything from me and then was that disappointed about not … I’d be a little upset by that. a relationship should not be all about that and he should be able to go a little bit of time without “getting any”. Sure every once in awhile you can help him out but if you’re up all the time with baby he should understand that you can’t or that you’re too tired… if he doesn’t then he doesn’t sound too mature to me. I am also a little thrown by the idea that he wasn’t at all attracted to you when you were pregnant. Pregnant or not, you’re his wife, and I’m sure you were beautiful! I don’t get men sometimes.
Post # 5
I didn’t even want to have sex until about 8 weeks post partum! Your doctor wants to know hat you’ve healed properly and that your cervix has closed (although when mine asked at the appointment, she said it was okay of I’d had sex), so I guess if you really want to do it the you can but just be honest wih your doctor. I know this isn’t what you asked, but if DH was grossed out by your for 9 months and turned you down when you initiated, then I think he can handle himself for another four weeks while you heal.
Post # 6
I don’t think we had sex until about 8 or 9 weeks post partnum. I had tearing and needed extra time to receover. We would ‘pleasure’ each other in different ways…but DH was sensitive to the fact that I was exhausted all the time and didn’t bug too much.
Make sure you are ready before getting back into it. Don’t think, just because 6 weeks is up, I should do it. I’m sure your DH will survive a few more weeks. And lets face it, your sex life will probably never be the same again. DH and I still have a great sex life, but we can’t be as spontaneous as we use to…lol
Post # 7
Hmmm, thanks for the feedback so far ladies! In DH’s defense, I had bleeding during my pregnancy whenever we did it so the doc would tell us no sex here and there, and then when we could do it, a lot of the time I wasn’t in the mood anyway. I did not feel attractive at all and everything was uncomfortable for me, so DH has been pretty sex starved (maybe once a month?) for 9 months, not just a couple of weeks.
Interested to hear more response from those who have had similar issues. Thanks again!
Post # 8
Some people do it much sooner than 6 weeks and I know people with 1 year olds who haven’t had sex since the night they conceived. It’s really all up to YOU and what YOU want. You don’t seem bothered by it, but I can feel my blood boiling for you. Sorry I think it is complete BS you are giving him ” favors” while getting nothing in return while trying to take care of a newborn and then add the fact he didn’t want to give it up while you were pregnant because of the way you looked? Not cool. He can use his hand while you- ya know let your vagina heal and adjust to a new baby.
Post # 9
I’m pregnant so I cant give direct advice but i’m arab and we don’t want the 6w haha. I mean all my arab friends just started whenever they wanted to. I am sure some waited longer than 6w but the genral consensus between arab women is that they do it before 6w. I am guessing they stop bleeding or they didnt get stiches or the stiches healed up? But if you want to have sex before then and are able to then why not?
If not because like you mentioned you are tired: you could continue to give DH favors…I mean if you have the energy for that even…which will be rare and few but that might make it even nicer because it’ll be “a special treat”.
Post # 10
If I can’t have sex/get “favors” due to just having a child and being in recovery mode, you can believe I’m not going to feel guilty for not giving my man “favors”. He can suck it up until you’re ready to play!
Post # 12
My Fiance feels the same way about pregnancy so I’m sure we’ll have the same sort of thing – and he’s not a monster :rolleyes:
Anyway – I have a c ouple of friends who went for it 5 & 8 days after the birth. The 5 day friend did it in the shower to make sure everything was squeaky clean and lessen the risk of infection, and just used a fair amount of healing lotion afterwards to help keep her bits…uhm, supple? and so they wouldn’t dry out from being a little stretched and interfere with the healing process. Both friends just made sure there was lots of foreplay and things happened really slowly.
Good Luck with your situation OP 🙂
Post # 13
@mixtapehearts: “Sorry I think it is complete BS you are giving him ” favors” while getting nothing in return while trying to take care of a newborn and then add the fact he didn’t want to give it up while you were pregnant because of the way you looked? Not cool. He can use his hand while you- ya know let your vagina heal and adjust to a new baby.”
I agree. It is really unfathomable to me that a loving husband wouldn’t understand that his wife needs time to both heal down there AND adjust to a new baby. While giving him favors is fine, he shouldn’t expect them (especially due to his lack of interest for the last 9 months).
Post # 14
It is not just your vagina, your inside are still healing- even with a c-section Having sex in the shower isn’t going to lessen the risk of infection- he is putting his penis inside an area that is healing from trauma. Not exactly something we should all be rushing out to do, no nookie is worth that.
Post # 15
I agree, specially when he didnt give you favors when you were pregnant… instead, he even turned you down. A relationship is give and take, he didnt give you, i dont know why he should be the only one to take, specially in this situation.
If my husband ever tried to pull that thing with me, lets just say it would not work. and i would lose all my respect for him.
Post # 16
I think we waited longer than 6 weeks. We just didn’t really feel like it. We were both getting to know DD and tired from waking up to her and I also wasn’t thrilled about putting anything up there. The first few times though we did use a condom, just to lessen the mess inside me and went veeeery slow.
I have a few friends that started about 2-3 weeks after birth and that was fine for them, but it just wasn’t for us.
I agree with pp that he is being incredibly unfair putting pressure on you to have sex before you are ready. You just grew a human being inside you!! A human being that you are taking care of 24/7. That is bound to be more than a little tiring.