(Closed) SEX! Anyone with anxiety issues regarding sexuality? Past histories of abuse?

posted 6 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 2
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Not super comfortable talking about it on here, but I’ve done PTSD work with a therapist for very similar issues (feel free to send me a msg if you want to know about it) and it worked so well. Stick with it – it’s absolutely worth it. I’m glad you found someone you’re comfortable with – sometimes it take a while finding the right therapist.  

Post # 3
Member
3107 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

I have suspicions of abuse at a young age, based on a memory that came back to me years ago as well as some other signs. When I was with my ex I hated sex and often would feel scared, the truth is that I didn’t trust him as a person and that made it very hard to let go and feel comfortable. With my SO now I enjoy sex very much because I have so much trust for him and he has so much respect for me and I know he will stop if I’m ever uncomfortable. I still have rare moments where I feel scared, if SO gets a little rougher than usual and I feel like I’m not in control, but he can immoderately tell when something is wrong and he will stop right away to ask if I’m okay. I spent years thinking I had no sex drive, but really I was just with the wrong person. 

 

Post # 4
Member
860 posts
Busy bee

I have PTSD from rape/sexual assaults when I was 18/19. For a very long time I thought of sex as something that a man did for the sake of hurting me, and I developed some pretty toxic behaviors to help myself deal with it. I really recommend the books “The Gift of Fear” by Gavin De Becker and “The Sexual Healing Journey” by Wendy Maltz. Both helped me a great deal. 

Post # 5
Member
1083 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
OnceUponATime:  joirnaling. Yoga. Therapy. Focus on self-love and healing. Possibly a support group.

Post # 7
Member
544 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

View original reply
OnceUponATime:  I’m sorry that you’re going through this. I highly suggest you get a second opinion from another psychologist. Also look up recovered memories of sex abuse or “satanic ritual abuse”–basically in the nineties tons of therapists planted “memories” of sexual abuse in their patients. True 100% repressed memories are very rare. I’m also concerned by her language of “betting the farm on it”. Just seems like odd phrasing in this situation.

It’s possible that your symptoms are caused by living in this culture where we’re sort of expected to be nymphomaniac porn stars all the time, especially on top of anxiety issues. There’s a lot of pressure on us to “perform.” There’s also something called sexual orientation OCD (where one obsessively questions their orientation). 

I’m not trying to undermine your situation–I just want to make sure you’re not hurt by this therapist. 

And as for me: I have a history of rape as well as anxiety and I do have sexual issues. The most effective thing for me is to be honest with my partner. For example, we do not have PIV sex (waiting until marriage). For a while I was totally anxious about not looking forward to that enough (tbh, I am totally satisfied with us stopping at 3rd) or that when we do it, I won’t like it. So finally I shared these worries with him and he assured me that no matter what happened, or even if we never did that, he would love me and be happy. I also get very anxious that I don’t “want” him enough (even though when we do sexual stuff, I like it.). Again, I shared it with him and he told me that everything’s fine. Knowing that he’s always going to love and support me is very reassuring, and it makes me feel more safe and happy with him in bed. 

Post # 8
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I also have PTSD, anxiety and depression issues and it has caused me similar issues. Feel free to PM me.

Post # 9
Member
8007 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I will answer one of your last questions. I have never been abused but I also don’t care for sex that much. Never have. When I was younger I thought maybe it was due to a religious/sexually repressive upbringing. But the older I get, the more I wonder if I could be asexual- or more toward that end of the spectrum. All this despite the fact that I have been married twice and have 2 kids. I love my husband very much. But the intimacy and closeness during sex is what it’s about for me- not the sex- if that makes sense. I hope you find the help and support you need!

Post # 10
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee

I was sexually abused as a child and also raped in my teen years. Intimacy and affection have both been something I’ve struggled with my entire life, I’ve been in therapy since about i was twelve for what we thought was anxiety/depression, later found out I have bipolar disorder. Now that I’m with someone that I love, neither intimacy or showing affection are a problem for me. I agree with PP I think I was just with the wrong people before. 

The topic ‘SEX! Anyone with anxiety issues regarding sexuality? Past histories of abuse?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors