Post # 1
I hope you are well, I need some major help…!
I recently started dating this really nice guy who I really want to sleep with however I feel really, really, REALLY self concious of my body. I have what people call an ‘apron belly’ (which makes me feel even worse lol) and the guy I am seeing is actually quite skinny. Now he has made it abundantly clear he likes me – no he has never directly commented on my weight or fetishised it – but he has said multiple times how beautiful and pretty he thinks I am.
Now I have my own issues – I have no self confidence due to years of bullying about my weight, family pressuring me to loose weight, socities standards of beauty (and all that shit) plus the last guy I was involved with really knocked my confidence (once about apperance) but mostly through his lack of interest in me and selfish attitude (don’t ask, that is a whole other story in itself).
Now this new guy wants to be intimate, he isn’t rushing or forcing me in any way, but I am soooooooooo concious about my weight and everything I feel so ugly and fat next to him. And he is fairly handsome, he gets quite a bit of female attention. I don’t know what to do – my own insecurities are stopping me enjoying the moment. I want to have sex but all I think about is how I will be jiggling lol.
Post # 2
It sounds as if you’re allowing your insecurities to interfere in what good be a very positive relationship. Be careful with that.
The reality is that losing weight won’t fix an apron. It’s caused by loose skin and correcting it requires surgical intervention. That said, a good exercise regime will make your ab muscles and core stronger for a better look.
The important thing is to be sure to separate the *there and then* from the *here and now*.
Post # 3
Everyone likes different shapes/body types. My husband is a twin. He’s a body builder and prefers women in shape. His twin likes heavier women and is dating a woman who is 5’1 and probably close to ~300 lbs but he thinks shes extremely attractive just as she is.
If this guy likes you, he likes you exactly as you are.
One thing I will say – Ive been overweight and Ive been super in shape. Honestly, I was insecure in both cases. We are our own worst critics. Do your best to build your confidence – whether that means accepting yourself for who you are, starting a sport/fitness hobby to build your strength/confidence, etc.
Post # 4
I want to say don’t hold what the last guy did against a new guy but I know it isn’t that simple. Have you considered some lingerie that makes you feel “held in” and confident as an ice breaker? You don’t have to be totally naked the first time.
Post # 5
He already knows what you look like and likes you, so there’s not going to be any big shock.
Post # 6
There are tons of beautiful undergarments that you can wear when you have sex, in the beginning anyway, you feel more comfortable. Gorgeous sexy lingerie that covers the tummy, corsets, etc. Could that be an option?
Post # 7
I am also obese with an apron belly and am a bit sensitive about it too. My fiance is very thin, and he thinks I’m beautiful and doesn’t fetishize my weight either. He genuinely is attracted to me and thinks I’m gorgeous. It’s hard for me to accept because I have significant body image issues due to also having been bullied for the way I look. I have found that going to counseling has helped with my body image issues, but changing your mindset over this is hard AF and it can be hard to find a good counselor. I do recommend counseling though, it has made the biggest difference over time, and now I appreciate my body in a different way than I did before.
I know how hard it can be for you to believe that this guy thinks you’re beautiful and that he is genuninely sexually attracted by you, but please realize that like PP have said, guys are attracted to different people. From what you’re saying, it sounds like this guy is genuinely attracted to you. And you deserve that.
I can tell you for sure that people are surprised when they see me with my fiance for the first time, but they can shove their judgments and opinions. My fiance loves me for who I am and is attracted by my body… which might not fit into societal standards, but it is my body and allows me to do things that I enjoy. I appreciate my body and the things it allows me to do…I work out regularly and walk A LOT daily so I’m pretty active actually, which people also have a hard time believing. 🙄
Give yourself a bit of a break and maybe think of your body in terms of what it allows you to do and how thankful you are to exist in the world. Your body is beautiful even if you don’t realize it. And your soul is too. Appreciate this guy for who he is and his feelings for you, and know that you deserve love, deserve to be cherished, and all of the good things in life.
And if something like nice lingerie would make you feel more confident…go for it!
Sex as a fat girl? It’s great as long as you can tune your insecurities out. You’d be surprised at how many regular or fit guys are turned on by fat girls. I get hit on if I’m out with friends. Recently I was walking to the grocery store with a friend who is a very fit and pretty woman, and a man around our age stopped us to say to me, “I don’t mean to be disrespectful or creepy but you are very beautiful.” He didn’t say anything to my friend. Anything, it’s an aside, but I guess I’m trying to say that your weight isn’t going to hold you back unless you let it, and you deserve more than that.
Post # 8
I spent many years in my young adulthood feeling very insecure about my weight. I have always struggled with weight, which I’ll blame on bad genetics and a love for food. I’m much older now and have since developed good, regular exercise habits, but still love food (and wine), so I’m in decent shape for my age but will never be “thin”, and I’ve made peace with that.
Here’s what I can tell you. I’m not sure when it was that I became comfortable in my own skin, but when I did, and just let go of all of those old insecurities and inhibitions, suddenly sex became amazing! I actually was able to enjoy it for what it was instead of wasting valuable brain space on worrying about what he’s thinking about me. And guess what I learned? THAT’s what guys are attracted to — someone who is confident and uninhibited. Don’t cheat yourself out of years of great sex. Be healthy, be happy, but understand that the guy you’re with cares more about you enjoying yourself than you realize. Let it go…
Post # 9
Several of my friends are fat and are also fat activists. They have relationships and frequent, orgasmic sex. As PP have stated, confidence is what is most alluring, not a particular body size. How often do you see women of your body size being portrayed as beautiful and appealing? If you are part of a group that isn’t considered the ideal, you may have to look for them, but there are so many women, of various ethnic backgrounds who are fat and also stunning and sexy.
I was a nude art model and also part of a group that did regular nude celebrations and it’s so good to see bodies just existing and dancing and happily living. It was transformative for many of us and how we saw ourselves and each other. When you shower, if you don’t have a practice of standing naked in a mirror and oiling or moisturizing your body, you should develop one. Looking at your body in a safe, neutral setting (just you, post shower, putting lotion/cream/oils on your skin) can help you to start to see YOUR body as your personal beauty norm/ideal rather than the numerous airbrushed, photoshopped, images that have been sold to us.
Post # 10
We as women have been socially engineered to think all men find plus-size unattractive. It’s just not the truth, and there are plenty of awesome men who LOVE plus size bodies as their preference.
Be open with him about your concerns. Chances are he’ll find your belly voluptuous and sexy! Give him a chance to prove it 😉
Post # 11
- Wedding: May 2020 - City, State
I say fake it to you make it! (The confidence, that is!)
I would also encourage you to follow fat positive activists on social media, especially Instagram, where you’ll see tons of fat bodies doing active, sexy, stylish, and otherwise awesome things! Think of it as exposure therapy towards unlearning the fatphobic messages our culture feeds us!
I haven’t been with a fat woman, but I have had an LTR with a fat man, and never for a minute was his body anything less than desirable. I love all body types, and I’m sure yours is gorgeous too!
Have fun experimenting with this new guy, and don’t listen to PPs suggesting to workout or wear lingerie / shapewear to bed!
Post # 12
He would not be with you if he did not find you attractice. And not to be discouraging (but ENcouraging), an apron belly is usually visible to people in normal clothing, He isn’t in denial about your body, and you should not be, either.
As PPs have mentioned, it isn’t the BODY that gives you self-confidence, but the mind behind that body. Plenty of fat, thin, or in-between women are insecure about their bodies, and plenty of men find them (ALL of them) attractive. Let it go, and let yourself go. He finds you attractive, so enjoy what the two of you have!