(Closed) Sex help…

posted 7 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
7291 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

No worries! I am a waiter and I’m not going into with an expectation that I will be a porn star or everythign will feel as steamy and great as a movie sex scene.

I have heard that most girls do not Orgasm from penetration alone. Perhaps some foreplay and manual or oral stimulation till you O will be good. Have you ever had an orgasm previous to marriage?

Post # 4
Member
6830 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Over half of women do not have an orgasm via penentration.  Usually manual stimulation helps. 

You just need to keep an open mind and laugh at things that don’t work. Just try and relax. Tensing up on both your sides is not going to help.  Keep the lines of communication open. Tell each other what feels good and what does not. 

Post # 5
Member
5654 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

FIRST… DON’T BE FRUSTRATED…… atleast not with you each feeling like it’s not “working”

Most women do not reach orgasm from intercourse alone. AND alot of women don’t orgasm that window shattering orgasom every time.

I sometimes can get there from intercourse BUT usually Darling Husband just takes some extra time to get me there with other stimulation beforehand. Sometime it doesn’t take that long while others it does. <— that’s OKAY!

It’s ALOT harder for us ladies to clear our mind so that we can focus and relax, especially if we have alot of things going on in our lives at the time.

Maybe try a bath together or more together time before actually hitting the sack… that way you can wind down and get more into the two of you as opposed to school, stress, etc.

I think it’s AWESOME ya’ll waited and really it WILL “pay off”… keep open communication and just keep trying different things…. and DON’T get set on somthing “having” to work… b/c you’ll learn what works for you and then it’ll allllllllll be great! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 7
Member
665 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Everything you described is completely normal from what I know. Only about 30% of women have an orgasm thru penetration. Most need some kind of clitoris stimulation. Finding what works for both of you is the key. Women usually have a harder time reaching the big O than men. But learning what works is part of the fun ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 8
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I think that this is normal in every relationship. As other PP’s said most women don’t orgasm from intercourse at all, so the fact it is even happening half of the time is pretty good. When Darling Husband and I first started having sex I couldn’t every time either, however, as time has gone on, it is very rare that I don’t have an orgasm. You may just need some time to adjust to each other.

I know that this may sound really silly, but if you have the tv on, shut it off, that makes it much easier to let your mind wander.

Post # 10
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@anonybee15:

its like looking forward to going to a steakhouse and then only being able to eat salad

BEST LINE EVER!!!!LOL

Post # 13
Member
5654 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

@anonybee15: Concentrating is a skill that we acquire over time… b/c really, we just aren’t wired to be in “one box” at a time like guys are. You two will get it… don’t worry! And the fact that ya’ll are already open about it mean you’re actually head of the game compared to alot of women who just roll over and stay quiet and unsatified. (yes they ARE out there) lol

(prepare for Too Much Information adivce) Since you’re not “concentrating” anyways try and take note next time of the things that you like…. whether it’s oral or manuel, soft or hard, fast or slow….. that way you can know what you like more and you can “cue” your Darling Husband that you like that… <— he’s not a mind reader so you have to tell him what you like. Do this a couple of times of taking note and “letting him know” and hopefully he’ll catch on and end up doing more of what works than not.

Oh… and you could always try a shower too ๐Ÿ˜‰ lol

@mwitter80: totally agree! lol

Post # 15
Member
2321 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Also read some advice columns and do google searches to see what is most stimulating. It is hard for us bees to write flat out what we wanna say. (And we are not gonna make anonymous accounts to answer the post either.) We can just speak vaguely at best. Your best bet is to do some google searches for respectable sex help websites on tips and ideas.

Post # 16
Member
2496 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

@anonybee15: It is frustrating when you try and things don’t work!!  Darling Husband and I waited too, and we both felt that for the first month or two, things were awkward and nothing we tried worked well for us.  Sex is a skill that’s learned and developed over time, and when you wait till you get married, you are starting from scratch, basically.

There’s a lot more to your sex life than just sex, too, IMO.  Darling Husband and I flirt with each other, send each other naughty texts, and just have fun with each other too.  All that helps you to build your intimacy, and in turn, your sex life.

We found some unique sex positions online that we tried and LOVED.  Like having sex with him on a chair and you on top — that’s a good one. We also tried me putting my hand down there and putting pressure on my clitoris when he’s inside, and that really helped me.  As we’ve practiced, things have only gotten better!! 

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