(Closed) sex-less wedding nights

posted 4 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 2
Member
612 posts
Busy bee

This seems strange to me. I wouldn’t want to plan sex, even if it is a wedding night.

If the night comes and I’m feeling in the mood and he’s not, I may try to use some persuasion techniques (which lets face it, generally work) but that would be no different from any other night when out libidos aren’t quite matching. Would I demand sex? No. Just- no. He isn’t obligated to give me sex, ever (some extrenuous circumstances excluded, for instance if our relationship just became sexless all together that may be a problem). 

If after our wedding night we just want to lay around cuddling and resting after all that partying, maybe even drink some leftover spirits and have snacks, that would be fine with me. 

Post # 3
Member
887 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

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butterfly0808 :  it was really important for me and DH too! He was probably more insistent but as time went on it was a priority for me too. We had a bath and chatted before going to bed. We were tipsy and I was so shattered I felt delirious. Objectively it wasn’t the best sex we’ve had but it was amazing! I don’t regret it at all. A few of my friends haven’t had sex on their wedding night because they’ve been so tired and I totally get it! 

Post # 4
Member
2234 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

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butterfly0808 :  we didn’t plan it or not plan it but I spoke with DH about it beforehand to manage his expectations. On the wedding night he was too drunk, I felt too ill and we were both far too tired. Not really a big deal because we’d had sex before. I think if we’d insisted on having sex that night because it was our wedding night, then I don’t think either of us would have enjoyed it more than just usual sex.  We didn’t have sex until the late afternoon the day after our wedding and we’d arrived at the airport hotel for our honeymoon. It was so great and I’m glad we were flexible on that because it was so much better than it would have been on our wedding night. All the feelings from the previous day had built up, we’d slept on the way to the hotel and we were finally alone.

Post # 5
Member
1502 posts
Bumble bee

I see myself being too exhausted, I think I would prefer morning sex after a long sleep in, with a big brekky to follow. We shall see…

Post # 6
Member
1546 posts
Bumble bee

It was midnight before we even got to our room. I was so exhausted and my husband was really drunk so we went straight to sleep. Neither of us were bothered, we had been living together for 5 years already so it wasnt anything new. My husband was too hungover the day after and that evening we left for our honeymoon so we waited for the first day of our honeymoon. 

Post # 7
Member
3029 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Well, I really don’t see why it would admirable to have a non-negotiation on sex. If you’re essentially making it mandatory to your partner or relentlessly pressuring then that’s really kind of shitty to make someone feel forced into a sexual act. If your whole marriage falls on not being given sex that night then that also would say all about the seriousness of the marriage. 

It’s great to want sex. However, yeah, it should always be optional because to make someone feel otherwise is pretty wrong in my opinion. Words such as manipulative and even abusive come to mind. 

I could imagine the shit storm that would happen here if a man said “I want sex on my wedding night – no exceptions!”.

Post # 8
Member
1717 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

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soymilk :  
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mingogo4 :  +100! (especially this: “I could imagine the shit storm that would happen here if a man said “I want sex on my wedding night – no exceptions!”)

I don’t know, feel like some folks gotta learn to manage expectations / feelings of entitlement in general. (insert side-eye here)

Post # 9
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

We spoke about it and said we’ll see how we felt by the time we got to the hotel. But we had a morning ceremony so I was up at 4am, starting hair/makeup at 5am and by the time we got to the hotel that night (2h from where our wedding was) it was after 1am so we literally fell asleep half in the sheets and not even fully undressed lol. We just woke up the next morning and it was a great way to start our first day of married life. I wouldnt have wanted to have forced it the night of, just cause.

Post # 10
Member
2127 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

Well that’s pretty damn disgusting. Why the hell would you REFUSE to go to bed on your wedding night unless your new spouse has sex with you? If my husband insisted that sex wasn’t negotiable then he’d be my ex-husband pretty damn quickly.

Post # 11
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2015

This is straight up rapey. The other person has a choice too…  Unless it is the first time,  I don’t see why it is a  big deal. If it happens it happens,  if it doesn’t it doesn’t.  Who cares.   Also agreed.  I don’t understand why it’s okay for a woman to demand this but if a man did it’d be disgusting.  Equality people.  

Post # 12
Member
5148 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

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butterfly0808 :  So you think manipulating your partner or telling them “sex or I am going to refuse to sleep” is “special”? Okay then. 

Of course sex on your wedding night is optional. Sex on any night is always optional. I have no problem with anyone “planning” to have sex – and a lot of couples find that as life gets busy, if they have kids etc they “plan” sex and it can still be romantic and exciting, but even when planned it is always optional and someone can always say “you know, I am just not up for it tonight after all” and in healthy relationsjips the other party respects that and does not force it or turn all psycho and refuse to sleep unless it happens. That includes on the wedding night. 

I would hope the strength of your marriage is reflected in how you treat each other, and love and respect each other, and not in whether or not you have sex on your wedding night. And pressuring sex because you demand it happens on your wedding night does say a lot about your relationship…

 

Post # 13
Member
5148 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

Actually now looking at your post history, I am not sure you aren’t just looking for stories to add to your spank bank. You seem awfully overly focused on not much else but sex on a wedding website.

Post # 15
Member
3029 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

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butterfly0808 :  That update…”fall in line”…”obliged”…

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