(Closed) sex-less wedding nights

posted 4 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 16
7557 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

“She got the dress, she wore white, she got lingerie, they had a garter-throw, there was a big wedding cake etc, etc. so the groom is obliged to fall in line and do his bit in the bedroom otherwise the big day wouldn’t be so traditional without full-on sex. She was saying what her idea of a perfect wedding is and saying that just because her SO had had plenty of sex before he kinda dare not neglect her sexually on that special night. “

Is your friend a time traveler from 1952? Her mentality sure is.


By the way he did her proud on the night I was assured.

Gross. On so many levels. She’s proud that he could stay awake long enough for that extra-awesome lay? And why do you need assurance on that fact?  

Ive got nothing against two friends having a candid conversation about sex, but this just sounds like an all-around weird and creepy conversations where the couple are both treating each other like meat.  

Post # 17
1263 posts
Bumble bee

This is so gross

Post # 18
1603 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Man. What. I can’t even.

Weddings are, you know, freaking exhausting? All of the lead up, plus a whole day (or more!) of business and activity and constantly being “on” for company, plus the emotional highs, plus the wine? We got to our hotel room at 3am, and I spent probably a half hour getting my damn dress off and another hour in the tub wrangling about three hundred bobby pins out of my hair. My husband, meanwhile, was lying in bed groaning about how sick he felt because he had too much to drink (not a usual occurance, but he was having a good time!). We had a 10am flight the next morning. There was no way either of us were devoting the next hour to nice sex, or even the next 15 minutes to shitty sex. I crawled into bed and slept like a baby next to my new husband (who spent most of the night, you guess it, groaning about how sick he felt lol) and it was blissful.

Post # 19
1573 posts
Bumble bee

When my first husband and I got to our hotel room, I changed into a cute nightie but before I got back out of the bathroom (after getting the birdseed out of my hair), he was asleep.  I joined him almost before my head hit the pillow.  However, the morning after the wedding 😀

Post # 20
2232 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

View original reply
butterfly0808 :  what?!?! I had a traditional wedding. I wore white and lingerie. I didn’t do a garter toss but that isn’t a thing here. It still doesn’t mean that my husband in his too-drunk state needed to ravish me. It doesn’t mean that if he didn’t jump my bones he was neglecting my needs. If she wanted to be so traditional maybe she should have waited for marriage. Having sex before marriage and then insisting on sex on your wedding night isn’t traditional.

And of course she told you it lived up to expectations. Nobody is going to admit that they pressured their husband into sex so much that they potentially couldn’t get it up and keep it up. Or that the ‘building of need’ actually resulted in two quick thrusts and goodnight.

Post # 21
5362 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2016

This is fuckin weird….


I passed out on the couch in my dress because I was so tired (I didn’t drink anything) and DH had to force me to bed. We also had a Destination Wedding and everyone stayed in the same house…

Post # 22
2966 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

On my wedding night, my DH drunkenly invited his cousin and his fiancee up to our honeymoon suite for another couple drinks.  DH and cousin filled the jacuzzi tub and went swimming in their underwear, and the fiancee and I soaked our poor feet.  Then, DH and the cousin and fiancee walked about a km to get mcdonalds, while I fell asleep for about an hour.  DH got back, I inhaled my Jr Chicken and bacon cheeseburger with extra pickles, and then we both lay there in a food coma till we fell asleep. Then we had our wedding ‘night’ when we woke up in the morning.

Post # 23
4233 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Manhattan, NY

View original reply
butterfly0808 :  It wasn’t a big deal to hubby or I… We have sex when we both want to. Our wedding day was long! We had an early morning wedding, then photos, then our brunch reception. By 2pm, we made it back to our hotel room for a nap. Not a fake “nap” (wink wink), he helped me out of my dress and we both passed out in bed. When we got up, we went out to dinner with his family and explored the city (we were in Manhattan) all evening. We didn’t have romantic time until the next morning and that was that. It wasn’t a thing for us to have to have sex the night of our wedding. 

Post # 24
234 posts
Helper bee

I think I’m in the minority here… although I don’t think I would want to hear details about somebody else’s wedding night!

I’d never had sex before my wedding night, you better believe it was happening! lol.

Post # 25
6160 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

Meh. He prepared our hotel room with petals and candles all over the bathroom,  tub, bedroom, hallway etc and it was beautiful but also 5AM!!! When we got in from our reception. We tried to make something happen but we were both too exhausted and fell asleep.  I ended up blowing our the candles out and cleaning the rose petals off the bedding because they were leaving horrible purple stains everywhere.  

 It’s overrated imo. You/your friend  have a lifetime to have great sex!

Post # 26
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

We agreed that we’d see how we felt. No pressure, since we didn’t wait. We were both exhausted but once we went to bed, it happened. I can’t even imagine it being the first time that night, though. To each their own, but I’ve never been more happy that we didn’t wait. After being awake for that many hours and being “on” all that time, I don’t even know what I would have done if we added the “first time” into the mix. ZZZZzzz.

Post # 27
4226 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

In OP’s defense, having sex on the wedding night was important to DH and I too. We were EXHAUSTED, but I still put on my ‘special’ lingerie and we proceeded to have the laziest, most half assed sex of our lives. We laughed about it when we were done and passed out immediately.

We saved all the ‘good sex’ for the honeymoon tongue-out

Post # 28
3878 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My DH was adamant he wanted to have sex on our wedding night too (although he would NEVER pressure me to do it). However, turns out he drank too much and was too tired. I tried to initiate and he said no! Our wedding night was the only time he has ever turned me down for sex. Haha! Granted it was a looooong day and we didn’t get to the hotel room until 2:30 am after the after party. 

Post # 29
7166 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

When my cousin got married when I was 17 and I heard that she and her husband were too tired to “consumate the marriage” (that’s how one of the women in my family put it lol) I was certain that that would never be me.

That wasn’t how things worked out, though. The day was long and full and we were exhausted. Our wedding night was deeply intimate but not especially sexual. It was wonderful exactly as it was.

I also wasn’t a bride who considered my wedding to be my “one and only super special must be perfect day!” which brings a lot of freedom to the execution of things.

Post # 30
103 posts
Blushing bee

When DH and I got married we had already been together for 9 years and living together for 9 months. On our wedding night and even the day after, we were so busy hanging out with out of town guests that we didn’t even have time for sex. We finally consummated our marriage on the Monday night after our wedding.

For us, sex is always better when it just happens and we’re in the moment so we didn’t plan to have sex on our wedding night. We knew we would be too tired from partying and that it would be too much pressure to make it the best ever. Plus, we had had sex like two days before the wedding so there wasn’t any built-up tension.

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