(Closed) Sex on Opposite Schedules – some TMI

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

So what does he said when you ask why he treated himself while you are present?

I’ll be mad if I were you, but again I dont know what his reasoning are…

Post # 3
Member
555 posts
Busy bee

‘I noticed that he wasn’t anywhere near orgasm.  I got frustrated and told him I had enough, and asked why he hadn’t come yet.’

 

Don’t do that. That’s the biggest turn off I can imagine, and it puts a lot of pressure on your SO. We’re humans, not machines, and sometimes it can take a while. If my SO asked told me he had enough and asked my why I hadn’t come yet I’d be really turned off and probably feel insecure the next time we have sex. If you need to ask him, do it in a nicer way.

 

That being said, I also don’t think it’s okay that he’s masturbating while you’re available. It seems like he’s gotten lazy, and he rather quickly gets himself off than having sex with you. You need to sit him down and get to the root of it. Is he just being lazy? Is he insecure? Does he feel pressured? Why would he rather masturbate than have sex? How long have y’all been dating?

Post # 4
Member
1090 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Working opposite schedules doesn’t help. But before that, were you guy stuck in a routine? When I say routine, I mean are you guys just sticking to the same few positions? Nothing new and exciting?

Maybe that’s why he took care of it himself when you were home? Fiance and I get stuck in routines sometimes and we’ve learned that we have to be conscious and switch things up. Communicating about our needs is a MUST for us. Or else things build up, and sometimes we have no idea why we’re frustrated.

 

Post # 5
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I had the same problem with my ex although we didn’t work different work schedules. He would turn me down for sex constantly saying he wasn’t in the mood and then I found a bunch of porn in his computer history and he also admitted to getting himself off in the shower practically every day. It made me so angry. And that is just one of the many reasons we aren’t together anymore. He was selfish and he basically would rather his hand than me, which says a lot about him not finding me attractive enough or something. But my current Fiance would never ever do that to me. We actually don’t even masturbate at all since we’ve been together and don’t watch porn, we prefer to be with each other instead. My advice would be to have a serious conversation with him and if nothing helps then find a man who has more respect for you and who will cherish you for the person that you are, not make you feel insecure.

Post # 6
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

View original reply
talula23 :  I agree with a pp that telling him you are done and asking him why he hadn’t finished yet is not cool. What if he asked you that? Honestly there are a million factors why someone might not have finished yet (or why they might not get there at all) and a lot of times it’s out of their control. So maybe next time ask him if what you’re doing feels good, or ask him to tell you what he’d like you to do, etc. 

As far as the schedules go…it sounds like you guys are working a lot! Maybe he mb’d instead of coming to you because he was tired and new he could get off faster on his own (as in, straight to the point kinda thing). That doesn’t mean that it was the right call, but I’m sure there are lots of reasons. I think a great way to have this conversation would be: “SO, right now we are working completely opposite schedules so that means we have limited time to be together in every sense of the word. If we’re both home, I’d love for you to initiate sex with me, instead of mb’ing without me. When I’m home and you choose not to include me, it makes me feel like it’s me, and that’s hurtful whether it was intentional or not.”

See what he says. Sounds like communication is the key to helping with a lot of the issues here. Good luck Bee!

Post # 11
Member
1090 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

View original reply
talula23 :  I apologize if this is too blunt, but my guess is that he’s bored with your sex life. Don’t feel bad, it happens! Fiance and I had a similar struggle a yearish ago. It made me feel like he wasn’t attracted to me anymore. It hurt! But if I was being honest with myself, I wasn’t happy with our sex life either.

Good luck when you guys talk! As long as you two are willing to talk and be open, you’ll be fine.

Post # 12
Member
1715 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
talula23 :  I understand your pain (a little). My Fiance takes forever to “reach peak” try 45 minutes to 1 hour minimum. We both have a very healthy appetite, so it’s very rare that we skip a night…but it can be exhausting or frustrating to go for that long every night. With that being said, I don’t tell him to hurry up or get off. Lol. If I feel too tired, I just let him take control…I lay down, relax and enjoy. As long as my legs aren’t cramping amd I’m well-lubed I’m good!

Regarding the conflicting schedules, my Fiance is working nights now and doesn’t get home until 11:00pm. But because I work close to my office, I return home so we can fit in that time. Is it possible for you to meet him home for “lunch”? I ask that because I think if you and your Fiance were able to match up your schedule for sexy time more often, he probably wouldn’t have the urge to masturbate. 

Don’t get frustrated! Conflicting schedules and conflicting sex drives will happen from time to time. As long as you and your Fiance communicate your needs with each othet and come up with a plan to meet those needs as best as possible, you two will be just fine. Good luck, OP!! xoxo

Post # 13
Member
3444 posts
Sugar bee

I’m only going to address the “sex on opposite schedules” portion – don’t be afraid of having quickies and in places that are not your bed. Sometimes it is your only option!

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