(Closed) Sex Question-Is it normal?

posted 5 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
1074 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Absolutely. The spark is definitely still there, but it’s not new and shiny anymore. There are plenty of ways to spice it up and keep that spark ignited for years and years and years.

Post # 4
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Ya, that is totally normal.

Most couples will have sex the most when they first hook up (OR get to that stage in their relationship)

After that it will wain over time… with a possible “blip” when a couple marries (true Honeymoon)

And also when folks are on vacation

As you age, and life changes for you, sex (and the importance of it) will also change

They say statistically that married couples have sex once per week… and it is usually on the weekend

As someone who is over 50, I can certainly say that altho I still enjoy sex very much, it isn’t something that I need to be doing every day… or as often as I did when I was younger (or when I first met Mr. TTR)

Sexual interest and activity (whatever that may be) is an important element to ALL intimate relationships be someone 20 or 100… and maintaining that interest is a crucial element in a long term relationship (ya want to think your guy is sexy and he you… no matter how old you are).

BUT the true elements that make a marriage stand the test of time are… Friendship – Companionship – Common Values – a SHARED Respect for each other – and TRUST

Without those things you won’t have a marriage that can last very long.

Hope this helps,

 

Post # 6
Member
243 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

People are describing sex like it’s a fire that slowly burns out… This is not the way Fiance and I are like and we began our relationship by hooking up. 

It took a long, loong time to learn about each other and while everything was new and exciting at the beginning it took hardwork and practice to get good at helping each other out. 

Every new thing takes time and practice with us and while we may be getting used to certain types of feeling it just opens up our ability to do more. Over the years I’d say the sex has gotten a lot better. 

Post # 8
Member
326 posts
Helper bee

Drinking 1 cup of pomegranate juice for 15 days has been proven to raise testosterone  by something like 16% and boost sexual desire. My Fiance is trying it 🙂 Hey, it’s tasty anyway, why not give it a try?

Post # 9
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I agree with @PlumeriaSplash:  … as you age Quality can certainly make up for Quantity… particularly so in your 30s, 40s, and 50s.

Does the fire slowly burn out ???

I think that is subjective.

It hasn’t burned out for Mr TTR and I… at least not yet.  And I am over 50, and he is over 60.

But as I said in my first reply… it does naturally wain as your life changes, you age, and your sex life diminishes over time

(As women become infertile, there is a natural shift to less drive… because the necessary hormones that make us horny during our monthly cycles… and the human need to reproduce are not there anymore.  BUT the human need for LOVE continues to carry us forward… so that can be more about physical closeness, cuddling, and emotional intimacy)

BUT based on conversations I’ve had with older folks (in their 70s, and 80s)… if all the parts don’t work 100% like they used to, or there are medical or physical issues, then folks can find other ways to have an “intimate” relationship that is still sexually satisfying or close.

This is WHY sex shouldn’t just be about penetration when you are younger… but one should be exploring and honing one’s other skills in the bedroom as well.

Lol, or as an 85 year old man I know likes to say… “If you don’t use it… you lose it”

 

Post # 11
Member
9082 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Absolutly. My husband and I have as much sex as possible.

Post # 12
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

TO @bimmy:  lol, first off, I am over 50, so I’ve lived a lot of life already… and consequently a lot of what I say, I’ve already experienced first hand.

And secondly I read a ton, and all subjects fascinate me.

Books, Magazine Articles, Newspapers… have lots of great info in them (such as statistics, or studies on human behavior).  And the other forms of media also gives one to access to great stuff too… be it the Internet, Documentaries, Films, Tv or Radio Talk Shows etc.  And yes, the Internet is a great place to “chat” without the embarassment that might be found elsewhere.

*One great place to learn about Sex and the mechanics of it is to check out Canadian Sex Educator… Sue Johanson.  I believe her Radio & Tv show is still in rebroadcast mode in the USA (and infact in some markets it will be NEW listening… as sex becomes more of an openly discussed topic in the USA… much like it has been in Canada for decades)

Wikipedia – Sue Johanson = http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sue_Johanson

I take it based on your post, that sex is still a relatively NEW thing for you… so you are finding out that there is much to learn about it.  Education is most certainly a good thing.

When we are young, we figure life will go merrily along as is forever, as we age, sadly we discover this isn’t necessarily so.

Things change… but that isn’t to say they get worse… just that they become different

(As I said previously… Quality can replace Quantity)

BUT for some folks there can be HUGE differences in their sex life as they age…

As the ads say, 40% of men over 40 suffer from sort of sexual disfunction, and it goes up 10% per decade from there (so 50% by age 50, 60% at age 60, etc)

The KEY then is being in an emotionally HEALTHY relationship that has a lot more to offer than JUST SEX… and the compassion and understanding to work thru difficulties / changes as a couple

As for my info on folks even older than I…

My Parents and their friends are in the 80 to 90 age bracket now… and as you get older you care a lot less about what other people think of you… realizing more and more how similar we all are, vs different to each other in our life experiences.

So I find them fascinating to talk to.  Once they get over the embarrassment of talking about sex (doing so was a HUGE taboo in their era), they can reveal a lot about how life is for them / has been for them

Their lives have gone thru many phases… some of them are life-long marriages (50, 60, 70 years)… some got divorced at some point, some are widowed, some remarried, and some are “shacking up” for various reasons.  Some of them are still sexual (in whatever capacity they can manage) while others are together because of the many other aspects I mentioned.  But I’d have to say despite their challenges (mostly health / physical) they are all quite happy with their lives… probably more so than many of us who are much younger.

For the most part they’ve all come to terms with how life works… and that it has its natural ebb & flow, ups and downs.  They don’t get too bent out of shape about stuff that those younger than them take quite so seriously (and the younger you are, I do think the more stress one puts on stuff that truly doesn’t matter in the big picture)

Hope this helps,

 

Post # 13
Member
973 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Totally normal. At least from everything I’ve ever heard and I’m 36.  I never felt like it applied to me personally or a relationship until now and I was married for four years in a previous marriage!

But if one feels like they aren’t getting what they want/need/expect it should be talked about calmly as possible with an open mind.  No accusing, NOT during sex/trying to get sex, etc.  People are different and have different needs and even different needs at different times.  Darling Husband jokes I’m a pervert (ok, so it’s only sort of a joke).  When we got together and for a good year it was a lot… which to me was fine.  It tapered off and he teased me to behave alot.  We talked and turns out he loves sex and is attracted, just not as often normally and it was so often then because it was new and he hadn’t had any in a long time (years). This all before we were even engaged.

I have to admit it rocked me a little, even hurt a bit though that wasn’t his fault and just what I felt.  I adjusted my expectations.  Though I will say I never thought he wasn’t interested in me, didn’t want me, was with someone else, etc.  Which confused me, I LIKE sex so why less sex!!!  With no real changes (kids, job, etc) it was hard to understand for me, my wanting didn’t change.  I thought hard and thought, even if I got half as much sex as I get, I’d still want to be with him.  Because real intimacy was there: hugs, kisses, cuddling, talking, caring, sharing, kindness, etc and if it came down to orgasm I could just take care of myself.

Really stereotypically I’m the guy and he’s the girl for sex.  It’s funny be cause we are the opposite of the stereotype, and I pretty much let him determine when because it seems more comfortable for him that way, though now and then I do stare at him with the WIFE WANTS SOME and drag him to the bedroom :).

Post # 14
Member
2743 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Disney

@This Time Round:  +1 We dont have it often but when we do I’m happy because I feel like I matter. I’d rather have it a handful of times a year and feel loved and cherrished by my best friend than 2 times a week and have it mean nothing. Intimacy and showing you find your mate attractive can be shown 1000 different ways not just through sex. Love, trust, and friendship make it worthwhile and last the long haul.

Post # 15
Member
2493 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

When we have sex the spark is definitely there, but we’re definitely not having it as much as we used to. Darling Husband has health issues that is causing his libido to drop significantly (we only had sex 3 times, last month), which is a real downer for me, as I could do it 5+ times a day if he was willing, lol. I understand the issues, however, so I try to be supportive.

Post # 16
Member
19 posts
Newbee

Because real intimacy was there: hugs, kisses, cuddling, talking, caring, sharing, kindness, etc and if it came down to orgasm I could just take care of myself.

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