Post # 1
Sorry in advance for any Too Much Information. I’m 23 nd getting married this summer. My SO and myself are both virgins, although we have fooled around with each other so we aren’t 100% inexperienced. Most of my friends are virgins too so I don’t have any firsthand advice from anyone about what to expect. Hoping that some books I’m going to buy will help, but I have a few questions that I could use some advice on.
1. Any suggestions on resources/books/etc that will help prepare for sex on honeymoon (especially for someone who has limited knowledge)?
2. I’m a VERY petite person and my SO has told me his penis is about 5 inches. Is this on the bigger or smaller side? I’m afraid of being in a ton of pain for the rest of my life.
3. Preparation should help with my anxiety, but is there anything I should take a few hours before the first time to help calm my nerves? I’m open to anything as long as it is legal and won’t make me feel sick afterwards.
Post # 2
1. I don’t have any specific books or websites, hopefully someone else can help here!
2. Losing your virginity can be painful for some women but definitely not all of us. I didn’t have any pain and I rarely do now, despite my partner being on the larger side. Being relaxed and lubricated will help. I think 5″ is on the smaller side of average but I’m not certain. Anyway, knowing how to use it is much more important than size. I’m sure some bigger guys don’t put any effort in because they think their size is enough. Being a considerate and enthusiastic lover is worth more than inches.
3. A glass of wine (or whatever your poison) could help relax you. Relax with your partner, have a cuddle, maybe a drink together, and see where things develop naturally. Don’t feel that you need to strip off and get down to it immediately.
Importantly, don’t feel disappointed if there aren’t fireworks the first time. You both have a lot of learning to do and it will come. Some guys struggle to get it up at first – it isn’t a reflection on you or his attraction to you. There’s also every chance it’ll be over as quickly as it’s began (or even before)! Our bits really have minds of their own sometimes.
Feel free to ask any specific questions about the “mechanics” of it if you want, I’m sure people will be happy to answer.
Post # 3
Congrats on getting married! I don’t have a book regarding having sex for the first time, but this book: https://www.amazon.com/Enduring-Desire-Guide-Lifelong-Intimacy/dp/0415878306 is really great about looking at and building a great, long term sexual relationship.
5 inches is technically a touch below average in the US – I don’t know where you live, but in terms of length, it isn’t bad. What it depends on is his girth (circumference) – that could affect how you feel. You won’t be in pain for the rest of your life!
If you’re super nervous about it, you might want to ask your doctor about a small sedative. I’ve taken valium before, and it calmed me down and I didn’t feel bad the next day. You could also just have a glass or two of champagne!
My best advice is to just go in not having any expectations – no matter what happens, the important thing is that you’re marrying the man you love, and you have a lifetime to figure it out!
Post # 4
Ok so I don’t know a thing about books but don’t worry about pain or anything in relation to your future husbands or is size. He is perfectly normal and it’s highly probable that you are too. He will fit inside you (your body is made for him…and babies too so don’t worry 😉)
i wouldn’t advise you take anything for anxiety as that will only dull your senses and more than likely make you feel sleepy or drowsy.
If you have fooled around then you’re probably aware of how your bodies work in relation to Arousal. You will get wet and his penis will fit right inside you. You may feel slight pain or discomfort the first time you do it (I think it was probably after the 3rd time i felt pleasure rather than discomfort). the most common bit of advice you’ll likely get will be to relax…relax…relax.
who says you have to have sex on the wedding night anyway? Fool around until your arousal takes you a little further and heightens your pleasure. Your body will tell you and guide you into intercourse. Do not force it or allow it to become such a big issue that it becomes almost like a mental block.
anyway take your time and enjoy getting to know both your body and your husbands 😉
Post # 5
1. Not to be Too Much Information, but being a visual learner, watching porn has really helped me with giving the Fiance bjs. I was in your position too, although Fiance was slightly more experienced (had 2 partners before me). In regards to actual sex though, when we first started dating, we browsed articles for trying out different positions and such after we did it the first time. IT HURT A LOT! So expect that and a little blood to come out after if your hymen isn’t yet broken. But just stick through with it. Honestly it continued to hurt several times after that since I was clenching my muscles thinking about how much it hurt the first time. The important thing is to relax and as other posters have said, do some foreplay (or “fool around” as you word it) beforehand. Have him tease you and verbally tell him what feels good and what doesn’t. Guide him through your body! 🙂
2. I am not sure if that is a big or small size, but Google says it is average: “Previous studies have found the length of the average erect penis is a little more than 5 inches long and 1.5 inches in diameter.”
3. I think you should just go with the flow and get really into it so that you forget your nerves. I’m pretty sure if you have been fooling around, things have gotten pretty steamy! Make sure you are wet and well lubricated before he sticks it in. If you are on the drier side, buy some water-based lube.
Post # 6
charlllpop : Thanks, Ive sort of accepted there won’t be fireworks like in the movies. I just want it to be good for him because he probably has greater expectations. I also just worry about the pain as I have no way to prepare for that. If his member isn’t big that would really help as well. I’m a very anxious person so perhaps the wine would help me with that.
Post # 7
Don’t worry and make sure to relax! Make sure to do some foreplay maybe even give each other massages (that was always helpful for me). It is always uncomfortable at first but just take it slow and be gentle with each other. Using some lube might be helpful as well.
Just go into it with an open mind and have fun! There will be plenty of time to practice and get the hang of things 🙂 Congrats again!
Post # 8
About to get Too Much Information all over the place from a fellow 23 year old, but the thread calls for it:
Just to clarify – the hymen doesn’t break, but rather stretches to accomodate. If you’re lubricated properly (your own arousal or lube – I’d recommend both), you probably won’t bleed. I didn’t my first time, but I’d been with my SO in a sexual manner (penetration with fingers) for around a year prior to then. My SO is similar in size as well, so that probably helped.
As others said, please don’t feel like you have to have sex on your wedding night. It should progress naturally. You run into pain and bleeding issues when your anxiety about it being perfect prevents you from relaxing. Once you take the pressure off, I’m sure your anxiety will lift and your body will respond naturally. A glass of wine couldn’t hurt either, but I wouldn’t recommend anything more than that.
There are great resources online if you’re interested in learning more. I follow a couple of sex education blogs on Tumblr that always have good advice. If you’re interested in watching porn for educational purposes, I’d google “feminist porn” or something like that since the average porn tends to be unrealistic. (According to studies I’ve read, anyway. I’m more of an erotica reader than porn watcher myself.)
Post # 9
summerbride248 : Keep this in mind, he’s having sex with the woman he loves… He’s going to have a good time. lol Try to relax use plenty of lube and take things slow. If you experience pain then slow things down a bit. You should be fine.
Post # 10
summerbride248 : Men are generally a lot easier pleased than women in that area, so don’t worry too much about whether he’s having fun, he probably will be 😉 I think the pain thing is overplayed, it’s definitely not a dead cert, all you can do is take it slowly and make sure everything’s well lubricated. If you don’t lubricate naturally, don’t stress, these things can happen if you’re nervous. It would probably be a good idea to buy some water-based lube. I’d advise to go for a plain one to begin with. There are flavoured and warming and tingling versions but for me the fancy ones can burn a bit sometimes and you don’t need to be worrying about that. Also, the slower you take it and the more you play before, your muscles should relax. Don’t force anything in there if you’re not mentally or physically ready, not even a finger.
Post # 11
We waited too so I have a bit of advice! Definitely take your time to enjoy it and warm up, sometimes you can be too eager and rush. Lube is a big big help (but not an excuse to rush) Drink a glass of wine if anything but don’t take anything or drink too much that it will make you dizzy. You definitely don’t wanna be in a daze during a special time between you and your new hubby. For us it was perfect but it wasn’t just the sex itself. We were just so happy to be married and in love, I think it will be the same for you 🙂 Your hubby WILL enjoy it don’t worry about that lol Don’t expect perfection it gets better as you both learn & you’ll have lots of practice! Congrats! 🙂
Post # 12
hintsofjoy : Thanks! I think I will defintely be taking a look at that book! He said his circumference is 4″ so hopefully that won’t hurt too much…….was thinking about valium or xanax but im not sure right now. Others have suggested some wine so mabye I’lll go that route.
shesells : I hear you on the drowsy part which is why I’m hesistant to take xanax or something. Falling asleep right away would probably be the worst outcome. My SO is very patient, but I don’t want to fall asleep and end up not even being intimate in any way at all.
Post # 13
- Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom
I wasn’t a virgin on my wedding night, but I do remember quite well losing my virginity. The most important thing is not to stress out about it, and not to go in with overly high expectations. I remember my first time was a bit painful at first. Me and my partner (who was also a virgin) talked a lot, and took it VERY slow. The best way to describe it was I was figuring out my body and what I could or couldn’t ‘do’. I’d also like to note that while we didn’t personally do a lot of foreplay (or have any alcohol handy because we were only 18), it does help relax you and make things go smoother. I will admit neither one of us experienced an orgasm, but we did have a good time!
To answer your other questions, 5 inches sounds pretty average sized to be honest. As for being petite, that isn’t a huge factor…remember your body is built to push out a baby so something like a penis wont be a huge deal for your lady bits!
Also, (and I don’t want to freak you out when I say this) I’d reccomend urinating after sex. I personally am prone to bladder infections, so when I do this it dramatically cuts down on the risk of bacteria sneaking up there!
Post # 14
- Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman
Take it slow, lots of foreplay and lubrication.
His size is average and likely yours is as well, your body size really has nothing to do with the size of your vagina (this seems to be a huge misconception), so don’t worry about that.
Remember to have fun and enjoy the moment, it may not be “perfect” for either of you, but focus on being together and the emotional aspects as well, and know that practice makes perfect!
Post # 15
It’s so easy to freak out in anticipation when you know something is coming. Just remember that many people have sex for the first time without having a chance to psych themselves out and it goes totally fine!! 🙂
Five inches is not huge, no. But even if he was 10 inches your body would easily accomodate it, petite or not. Do not fear!
The thing about penetration is that if you are eager and aroused it will be very easy and fun. If you’re scared and pancicked you will tighten up and sex will become uncomfortable and (a little bit) painful. And that’s if it is your first time or thousandth. It’s not some kind of terrible excruciating pain though. My first time didn’t hurt at all.
My advice is to take it slow. Do not do it until you are ready, because after some foreplay you will reach the point where you want it! That’s when it’s time. And if that time does not come on the wedding night after such a long busy day, that is ok!!
Use lube. You do not need drugs or alcohol, haha seriously girl you do not need it. Your body will give you the endorphin high that lessens pain and relaxes you all by itself. 😀
I remember reading those blogs before I ever had sex and I think it helped me become more comfortable and aware.
It’ll be fun girl! Have a great wedding day (and night!!).