(Closed) Sex questions for first time on wedding night.

posted 3 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 16
Member
702 posts
Busy bee

I assume the measurement is of his penis when erect, but wanted to be sure. Regardless of your respective sizes, make sure you pack lubricant. Very VERY important for comfort. You don’t need anything fancy, but make sure it’s meant for sex (don’t get too creative).

ETA: For your anxiety and also for potential discomfort, I would pop a couple of ibuprofen or some otc pain med (whatever you normally take for a headache).

Post # 17
Member
1724 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I would have to say there wasn’t pain so much as a bit of discomfort, and it took a while to translate the fun fooling around had generated with the actual deed.  It takes a little time and practice to get used to how human bodies fit together, and starting now, get comfortable with telling your Fiance that if you need to ask him to shift or move or stop, for him to not be offended.  Our first time I was actually on top, so I could control more of how things were… fitting.  I have been lucky in the fact that if H feels he wasn’t able to help me enjoy things one way, he has never been adverse to making sure I enjoyed our time together however I needed.  

Also a weird thing – it took us a few times before I actually bled any – I think we had the angle wrong ad he was actually rather shallow the first few times – then he noticed it – so don’t be surprised if something happens. Also, lots o ladies never have that happen anymore, so don’t be surprised if nothing like historical romance novels happens, either.

Don’t look at any adult movies as a guide, either – mostly those people are hamming things up and more excited about having an audience than anything they are doing to each other, and frankly in their profession, need a little more robust contact.  If on top, you will probably be happiest with something like a simple rocking motion.  If you try more of a missionary, you can still control angles and depth of entry with the position of your hips and legs.  

A glass of wine won’t hurt, you may not need it, but it’s worked for millenina 🙂

You will be fine – remember for the honeymoon, practice makes perfect  🙂

Post # 18
Member
652 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

summerbride248 :  One thing I would bear in mind that since you’ve been waiting, it might take you a while to mentally accept that it’s ok to have sex. You are so used to stopping at that line because it’s forbidden, so taking that first step might freak you out.  I know for myself after I decided waiting wasn’t for me, I would feel some shame about it.  I’ve read a lot of articles about this happening to married women who waited as well.  It’s ok to feel uncomfortable, and you should take all the time you need even after the wedding night to feel ready.  I would spend time just reassuring yourself that sex is ok and actually wonderful, and not a dirty shameful thing. I know for myself  it took a while (though I still had fun along the way).  And now I feel like my old hang ups about sex are gone and I have a wonderful sex life with my fiancé. 

I think the biggest thing is to make sure you spend a lot of time of foreplay before you do it.  Don’t worry, the groom is going to have a great time.  No guy is ever disappointed to have a naked lady in his bed, let alone one who has waited so long!  Guys are easy to please.  The more aroused you are for your first time, the less it will hurt the first time.  I would recommend not planning on doing too much during the wedding night.  I think a blow job would do, help him release and you guys can snuggle all night.  Then for the day after,  go to the hotel and have a day filled with foreplay   And general fooling around.  You should also reserve the right not to have sex that day if you don’t feel ready.  and with all that foreplay, if you don’t let him finish first it will be over very quickly.  

 

Post # 19
Member
993 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

1) can’t really help you with that, I know someone suggested porn but some of that might freak you out a bit because it can be OUT THERE, If you go that route, find something soft-core

2) you’ll be fine. Lubrication is key and the vagina is nice and stretchy, 5″ isn’t extreme and your body can handle more than you think! I would recommend picking up some lube and also having your husband (yay!) get to work on some serious foreplay before you move on to vaginal intercourse. If he can get you to orgasm before you start having actual sex it will be MUCH easier (and more fun for you since he will NOT last as long as you!)

3) Have a small glass of wine. You’ll probably be flying high and tired from your wedding day so don’t over do it. Have a bottle in chilling in the room and share a glass together while you take out the 8 million bobby pins that will be in your hair and shimmy out of your dress. 

Losing my virginity was kind of a blur, it wasn’t as “fun” as I thought it ws supposed to be until the 10th time (it was FINE just not like, belting out showtunes fantastic) but I was pretty young. best of luck!

Post # 20
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I recommend porn. Not the raunchy stuff, but the loving couples style porn. It can give you a good idea on what sort of foreplay you might like, and what you can do to him. Yes, I’m linking porn. Not sure if that breaks rules.. 

http://www.redtube.com/1350529

https://www.omgyes.com<u> </u> is also an amazing resource! 

Some people are saying to expect pain. I am against this train of thought. If you experience pain, stop, and play around some more with fingers, mouth etc then try again. If there is still pain, stop and play around some more doing other things. The hymen will naturally stretch/give if you are patient and there shouldn’t be a lot of discomfort that goes along with it. Make sure he puts his finger inside of you before he tries his penis. If the finger hurts, slow things down, stimulate other areas of your vulva and wait on any penis penetration. 

If you are really really nervous, then please don’t feel pressured to have sex! This is something that is supposed to be FUN and should feel really really good. Why not start with making out and hand stimulation? Once you feel comfortable with that, try oral stimulation? Try to approach this from a very fun point of view. If you are having fun, you will naturally be curious about doing more.

Can you masturbate? Do you know what feels good to your specific body? Everyone’s bodies are different, so its important to get to know what really excites you and makes you feel good. 

Please don’t drug yourself beforehand. That’s scary. Take control of your sexuality and you can determine how far things go. If you are in control then there is nothing to be scared of. Maybe you will just be comfortable with making out. That’s ok! Maybe you will feel comfortable going all the way, also ok! Don’t do something you are not comfortable with. 

Coconut oil is an amazing lube and is great for massage as well!  

 

Have fun!

 

p.s. make sure you pee after sex! Helps prevent urinary tract infections. 

Post # 21
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

summerbride248 :  Can I ask why you seem so scared?  Sex is not a chore LOL – it’s REALLY FUN.  It’s something you get to do with the guy you love.  It’s not a job interview or a horrible test!  You should be looking forward to it!  You should be like “I can’t WAIT til I have sex!”.  

Have you been taught that it’s a bad thing?

Post # 22
Member
2057 posts
Buzzing bee

Being petite has absolutely no correclation to the size of your vagina ….. regardless 5 inches is on the low side of average so it shouldn’t be a problem. 

Foreplay, get some lube, go slow at first. Have you used tampons? You can break your hymen beforehand so it doesn’t hurt nearly as much. 

Post # 23
Member
3113 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

I just want to point out as well since a lot of Bees are saying it will be great for him regardless, he will finish quickly etc. Do not be disappointed if those things don’t happen, some men (just like women) are very nervous their first time and may have trouble getting or sustaining an erection or have trouble finishing. If this happens don’t take it personally, understand that he may be nervous too and that there is no “normal”. Just enjoy the ride and don’t be too focused on the finish line.

Also hymens don’t break, that’s another huge misconception, they stretch. 

Post # 24
Member
1724 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

yes to the bathroom trip after – the mechanics of sex can lead to a UTI if you don’t.  

Also, even though we didn’t wait till marriage (he respected my wish and waited tillI was ready – 2.5 years into the r/s) I’d made my peace with it since H and I were together a long time before finally getting married, I think we both felt much better about sex after the wedding – it sounds weird, cuz we were together a loooong time, but I know somehow I felt good after in a way I’d not felt before.  And he used to feel some guilt, too, I think, which seems to have gone away.  

Try not to stress.  It’s a normal human activity.  Just like walking, it takes some practice and may not be perfect the first time, or even the 20th.  But it can be such a nice way for people to share closeness, and that’s what’s important. and I congratulate you on your commitment to wait, and your upcoming wedding and marriage.  

Post # 25
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee

summerbride248 :  I lost my virginity at 15 to my then long term boyfriend. We waited 2 years and spent a lot of time exploring other methods of pleasuring each other so we knew what we liked. I was sufficiently aroused the first time I did it so lube wasn’t required so no bleeding but I didn’t orgasm. That said, lube would be handy to have with you if you feel you may require it, but don’t put any pressure on yourselves as a couple that it has to happen *that* night. (I know I probably will fall asleep on my wedding night purely out of exhaustion!) 

Post # 27
Member
7642 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

summerbride248 :  Especially if you’re waiting because you’re Christians, I recommend http://themarriagebed.com . But a lot of the biology / sex information would be useful to any first timers.

Do lots of foreplay and use lots of lube. I can’t agree with PPs who say not to have sex – we were dying to by our wedding night!

But be prepared for it not to go at all as planned. DH didn’t get all the way in on our wedding night – a combination I think of my hymen and not being aroused enough. I was starting to hurt so I told him to stop rather than push through my pain. So it took several tries over a week or so before he got all the way in, and that was fine. And whatever happens, you’ve got a lifetime to improve.

Post # 28
Member
1661 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

My first time was so painful that we couldn’t continue. 

We were also both virgins.

Use lube – it’ll help a lot IMO. I didn’t know to use lube at the time and I think that’s why it hurt extra bad LOL

Your FI’s penis sounds on the smaller side of average so you have nothing to worry about. And besides – it’s not the length but the girth that normally causes that ‘stretching’ feeling.

My FIs penis is over 7 inches and THICK and almost 9 years later it still hurts initially if we’re not warmed up! LOL I’m petite too 🙂

Don’t worry and just have fun with it.

Might I suggest a glass of wine (or two) to ease the nerves!? 🙂

Post # 29
Member
4246 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

It will be awkward for the first few times, but just have patience and take your time.  I waited too and liquid courage definitely helped me, as well as lube.  My husband is fairly well endowed and I had similar fears as you, but honestly our first time didn’t hurt me.  I asked him to go slowly which he did and that helped too.  Remember too that you love him and he loves you and that your mind is your best sex organ.  😉  Sometimes I get overwhelmed with how much my husband loves me and that helps sex become even better.

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