Post # 46
- Wedding: October 2016 - October 2017
Just relax! I don’t know of any serious books about your first time ect, if I did I feel like it would be over dramatized tho lol! Hmmm, let’s see the most important thing is to not over think it, just let it happen naturally. Yes it’s true that it can be painful but this will very person to person there’s not much you can do to prevent that ( my first time was slightly uncomfortable for a few minutes ) if you are concerned there is always lube you can purchase, foreplay also helps loosen as well. If your feeling anxious just have a glass of wine, something to relax you but I don’t recommend taking any medications. Good luck!
Post # 47
I didn’t realize I was bleeding until I sat on the toilet afterwards though, so I don’t think it’s always possible to notice during. It didn’t hurt at all during, I just bled afterward. I had never used tampons before or had anything else in there lol so that may be why it hadn’t stretched as much? but I definitely wasn’t on my period. I know it didn’t “pop” or anything, but I do believe it tore a bit. I’m not saying it happens to everyone, but it does happen to some women.
Post # 48
You can also try female on top, which might be a more comfortable position for you so that you can “ease into” it.. Or just be very honest with your husband about going in slowly the first few times you have sex. And make sure to relax! 🙂
Post # 49
ajess14 : You’re right. I’m overthinking this all way too much. Im making it way more complicated than it needs to be. Going to try and take it easy on the stress. thanks.
califlorican : Yeah, I’m hoping that just doesn’t happen to me. I’ve never read any statistics on whether that is unusual or not for it not to happen. Thanks for sharing your experience.
Post # 50
califlorican : Yeah I would say that is more like spotting. If there is visible red blood and you aren’t on your period and/or you experience any pain I would be concerned. Sometimes that can also happen if the woman has a bacterial infection or yeast issues. Because it makes the wall of the vagina more easily irritated.
Post # 51
summerbride248 : You do know that the vagina can expand to pass a 13-15″ head through it right? So fitting an average sized penis in there is not going to be a long-term issue as long as you’re relaxed and prepared enough (via the foreplay).
Post # 52
Lol no definitely wasn’t spotting. Ive had spotting and it wasn’t the same. Quite a bit came out right when I sat on the toilet and continued after as well. It wasn’t scary or painful or anything, and I stopped bleeding that same night. No infection. I don’t think you can speak for all women. It may not be common, but it can happen- I don’t want women to think automatically that something is wrong with them if they bleed afterwards. If it’s painful, definitely be concerned, but otherwise..all bodies are different.
Post # 53
Lots of helpful advice here!
My two cents are to go into this with basically zero expectations. You will likely be too tired and drunk on your wedding night to have sex- we just barely managed and most couples we know did not manage at all.
Since he is a virgin the first several times you have sex it will probably last all of 5 seconds. Expect this, and emotionally prepare for it now so you are not dissapointed and frustrated. He may be able to do it several times in one night, or he may not able able to “keep it up” at all- nerves affect everyone differently.
It will take some time for you two to reach a place where you are in sync, it’s not awkward, and you are both “finishing”. But that’s ok! as you two grow together your sex life will improve and you will become more in sync each time. Don’t go into your honeymoon expecting to have amazing porn star sex. Go into it expecting to have time alone together to explore eachother though!
Good luck bee!
Post # 54
califlorican : Sure you may be an outlier. But I would still recommend someone talk to their doctor if that happens. Sexually transmitted diseases or infections like gonorrhea and chlamydia can be a cause of vaginal bleeding after intercourse. Inflammation or swelling and infection of the vagina or cervix such as vaginitis or cervicitis can also bring about after-sex bleeding. Cervical dysplasia is also connected with bleeding after sex, it refers to the precancerous changes of the epithelial cells that line the cervix. As well as cervical or uterine polyps. It can be nothing but it could also be something that requires treatment. So I would rather women not make the assumption that bleeding after sex is always no big deal.
Post # 55
Please, read “Come as you are” by Emily Nagoski. This is the best sex science book ever written.
Post # 56
herrera2016 : I bled pretty heavily after my first time having sex and it hurt pretty badly. I have normal genatalia, no infections/diseases and a normal sex life. You can’t speak for all women and I think you’re being a bit black and white. What’s “normal” varies hugely and I think going to the doctor because you experienced bleeding after your first time is slightly ridiculous. Sure, if the bleeding and pain persists then it’s a good idea, but otherwise I think it would be a huge overreaction.
Post # 57
Congratulations on being married soon!
Personally, I don’t know about any books and have never read any on sex, but I do know the first time I had sex was with my fiancé (we’re getting married in 3 weeks!) was easy and felt right. I was a virgin, planning to wait until marriage, but we both gave in. It was a wonderful experience though; we knew we were going to commit our lives to each other anyways.
I am slightly petite myself, and my fiancé is a large man, very tall. He is 6.5 inches long, which I would say is pretty average. I don’t think 5 inches will hurt you at all or make you miserable for the rest of your life. You may be a little sore at times, but it’s honestly nothing a good night of sleep can’t fix!
Most of all, you should be relaxed when you go to have sex. Don’t be nervous; it’s one of those things where it finally happens and you say “Why was I even nervous this whole time?” And you know what, it might not be so great the first time, but that doesn’t mean it will be that way all the time! When I was a virgin, I was nervous for the anticipation of sex. I thought about how I should act or how I should touch him or look at him. But when I met my fiancé, I was so comfortable with him and so in love with him that when it happened, so many of my doubts or nervous feelings went away without any trouble. It happened so naturally. I know how hard it is to not be anxious or nervous about something big like that, but believe me, if you love your husband, are comfortable with him and trust him, you’ll have a good experience. I would also suggest getting some lubricant. Being nervous can cause your body to not render its natural lubricant. And honestly, don’t think of having sex with your husband as something you HAVE to do on your wedding night because you are now married. Many times I think the pressure and nervousness comes from the fact that it is your wedding night. I’m sure there have been times when you and your fiancé were having trouble resisting yourselves and you just wanted each other so badly! Take yourself back to a time like that and get into the mood and the moment. It will make you less nervous and bring up those desires you had to hold back before but you can now express!
Another thing to know is that communication is a big part of sex. If you’re worrried about pleasing him, try different things and don’t be afraid to ask him what feels good and what doesn’t and what he prefers. Same with you! Don’t be afraid to speak up. I was afraid to tell my fiancé I liked a different position instead because I thought he liked it. When I finally said something he said he was only doing that certain position because he thought I liked it! Turns out we both had the same favorite position. However, we also have some differences in our likes and dislikes, so we make sure to trade off and give each other what the other likes because doing something for them makes sex that much better. All in all, it’s an experience that only you two will ever get to share with each other. That’s very special. I would advise you not to take anything to relax you. Just take some deep breaths if you need. Just be comfortable and intimate with your husband. I promise it will come naturally. My best regards to you!
Post # 58
So bleeding after the first time ever having sex…you think it could be an STD? I’m sorry but that makes no sense. And if I had continued to bleed after every time or still continued to bleed other times, of course I would’ve seen the doctor. But after my first time, and nothing having stretched my hymen like that before…yeah I’m going with that. I understand being concerned, but saying that bleeding is abnormal is a little ridiculous. Just because you didn’t bleed doesn’t mean others won’t.