(Closed) Sex Talk-Addicted ("The greatest seduction of all is to be wanted and desired.")

posted 5 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 2
Member
9519 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

A different level of sex drive is not the same as not being as in love with you. 

With everything else in a relationship the sexual aspect needs to be discused and compromised. One party will often want morethsn than the other at different times. Talk to him and see how you two can intifrate this kind of want in your life

Post # 4
Member
2176 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

:clutchess pearls:

sooooo, anyone else have a sudden urge to go home and get laid? Just me? ๐Ÿ‘€

Post # 5
Member
6240 posts
Bee Keeper

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jen9000:  I don’t think your expression is bad. You explained yourself very well in your post. Maybe write it down and show him. 

it seems you can either dump him and find someone who is as keen on all the same things as you, or try to work on it (maybe with the help of a good sex therapist) – he’ll either find his inner ‘sex God’ as you say, but you have to recognise the frequency may still not be as you like. Or its just not his thing and doesn’t want that in his life. 

I don’t know, but maybe a good therapist would also be able to connect you to non sexual things that make you feel cherished and desired? To be clear I am not saying there is anything wrong at all with what you want, but this guy has other blessings by the sounds of it and maybe some therapy will help you enjoy those things as well as tons of hard sex. 

Post # 6
Member
2111 posts
Buzzing bee

You sound very similar to me. I had sexual “urges” when I was about 7/8 and lost my virginity early. 

Sex played a very important part in my “identity” – it’s how I felt accepted and wanted. When my partner didn’t want to have sex or I felt like he wasn’t “into it” as much as I was, I took that to mean that he didn’t love me, didn’t find me attractive and I wasn’t valued.

I just so happened to marry a man who had erectile dysfunction so was in a 10 year relationship that could be considered sexless. During that time it made me realise a lot of things about myself and how I viewed sex.

After my marriage ended and I started dating again, some old behaviours and thought patterns did creep in however over time I’ve once again been able to separate sex and relationship satisfaction. If SO doesn’t want to have sex because he has had a long day at work that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me, it means he is tired. If we don’t have sex for a few days it doesn’t mean our relationship is stale and he is “over me” it just means that we have external things going on and we will reconnect soon. 

If I’m off base here and you enjoy sex purely for the physical than disregard – but I’ve found that understand and appreciating intimacy in other forms can help in knowing where to place the importance of sex in a relationship. 

Post # 7
Member
3534 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

Has he compromised with you at all?  I think if he’s not into the rougher stuff, it may be hard for him to do it. I think this is more than just different sex drives and more to do with sexual compatibility (i could be wrong)  

DH and I also have different sex drives (his is higher) and we both communicate and compromise- he doesn’t jump me as often as he’d like, and I try to step up even when I don’t feel like it. We also didn’t have the most awesome sex for the first month after we started having sex.  He had never connected emotionally while having sex, and it was hard for me to get into it without feeling him “there” with me.  He worked incredibly hard to change that and I’ve explored my wildside, and now sex is amazing, for both of us. 

Point being you both need to compromise on this.

 

Post # 9
Member
6171 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

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leekissesme:  LMAO that made me laugh out loud! Hahaha. 

To the poster: I think you are quite rare and most people fall into the “average” category. this doesn’t mean that it can’t work beautifully between you and your fiance! Have you ever showed him some more extreme porn? Some bdsm/role play, or rougher stuff? i would try that. Give him a drink so he can loosen up, put some on and let him see what you like and how you would like it. if he has never been with a woman like you before then he has to learn all of these things and slooooowly get more into what you love. 

you’ll have to show him how ๐Ÿ™‚

Oh! And also maybe you guys can have a weekly “go to the sexy store” night? They have TONS of toys, costumes, lingerie, heels, movies, etc etc for couples. That could get him in the mood more often and add to your repertoire ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 10
Member
341 posts
Helper bee

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jen9000:  I could have written this post myself. I’m sorry I don’t have advice or help, but you’re definitely not the only one who feels like this.. 

Post # 13
Member
6240 posts
Bee Keeper

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jen9000:  you’re welcome. And “getting emotional” is actually ok. You’re talking about hot fucking with the man you love and your sexual journey, potentially for the rest of your lives together. The fact that you feel that emotions can’t come into it may be worth talking to that therapist about. You said “it’s harder for me to express it to people who matter to me, maybe cause me and my dad didn’t talk much”. I’m just going to point to the flag you’ve made for yourself here. 

Again, I’m at pains to say there’s nothing wrong with liking a lot of dominating sex, but it sounds like your guy could open up another world to you too.  And while it doesn’t have to be mutually exclusive to eating your face, it may be just as exciting and enlightening for you as you showing him your favourite rope tie and how he can access  this part of his masculinity when he uses it. 

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