Sexist work collaborator – what would you do?

posted 2 weeks ago in Career
  • poll: Would you choose to ignore bro culture behavior so as to not limit your career advancement?
    Yes : (3 votes)
    30 %
    No : (7 votes)
    70 %
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  • Post # 2
    Member
    7676 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    leebee333 :  how did you learn about this messaging group? If he hasn’t been sexist to you and this is a private, out-of-office group of friends he has then I’d ignore it. If he’s sexist in the work place or otherwise very publicly it’d be a hard pass. 

    Post # 3
    Member
    9163 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    it sounds like your working relationship is professional. how did you find out about his text thread?

     

    Post # 4
    Member
    1220 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    How sexist are we talking about? Like “oh man So and So is hot” or really ugly stuff like the Immigration Staffers were doing about AOC etc? Because that was terrible and there should be consequences to stuff like that.

    Post # 6
    Member
    62 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2020

    If it was me, I would “ignore” it for now and continue to network with this person, but be careful and be aware. It sounds like they may have been a bit embarassed when they saw you weren’t impressed (“saying they don’t participate much”). 

    Keep things professional with them and be on the lookout for other sexist behaviour. If anything else crops up, especially any behaviour directly towards you or other women, call it out right away in the moment.

    Editing to add: are you in a position where you could suggest or implement sensitivity training in your office? If you could have a professional come and do a workshop, it might be a good way to protect from sexism & racism from them & others.

    Post # 7
    Member
    4483 posts
    Honey bee

    So from your parenthetical statement it appears this text chain is not work-related (i.e. not using company equipment or the company network) and they have given you no reason to believe that they are incapable of being professional in the workplace.  Under that assumption…

    Only you can decide how much you value your moral stance over your livelihood.  If you do take a stand and limit your options, what are you planning to do about it?  Out them to all of their peers?  File a complaint at work?  Or are you just going to stay mum about it and choose not to work with them, even if it means turning down projects because they are the only option?  At what point are you just cutting off your nose to spite your face?

    I mean I get it – we should all be privileged enough and morally strong enough to stand with our principles and not tolerate that behavior in any capacity.  But the reality is we aren’t because on the flip side of that coin is a world where everyone is just trying to get by and build their life and jobs are very handy for that.  You are in a very privileged position to have any say in who you work with in any capacity.  Many don’t.  And the fact of the matter is shitty and/or sexist people have bills to pay and will be in every workplace.  There are several individuals in my workplace who I have zero respect for based on what information I have learned about them that exists outside my workplace.  You learn to coexist with all sorts of individuals.

    You don’t have to tolerate it in the workplace so if this is happening on company time or using company resources then absolutely report that shit.  And you don’t have to tolerate it in your personal life.  You don’t have to be friends with all of your coworkers or engage with them beyond what is required for professional behavior in the workplace.  But I would be very hesitant to decide to mix the two and bring what you find to be personally abhorrent behavior occuring in their personal life into your professional life unless it has a direct impact on you or other people in your workplace.  If you are close enough “work friends” then you should also be able to have a discussion about it and state your views instead of making it open-ended.  Otherwise, simply let the friendship aspect of it fade away and keep it work-related on a professional basis only.

    Post # 10
    Member
    7676 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    leebee333 :  people are allowed to their personal thoughts and conversations, even if they are gross. This person thought you might share their views, tested the waters, and changed topics when it was clear you were uncomfortable. So long as it doesn’t come up again I think you can maintain a professional relationship. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    1220 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Are these random hot women pics or is any of this about other women you work with? Yes people are allowed their personal views but freedom of speech doesn’t mean freedom from consequences and I would definitely distance myself from people like this. If someone’s makes their personal views public at work there is every reason to react (like a company has every legal right to fire someone for idk giving an interview or writing a blog post on their own time about how much they hate gay people or say the MeToo movement is sexist against men and women victims are liars etc).

    Post # 12
    Member
    4060 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I mean, from what you describe you’re essentially going to punish yourself professionally because you don’t like what he said. You’re of course entitled to do that, but I’m not really sure how strong of a point it makes?

    Post # 13
    Member
    6536 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2015

    leebee333 :  when it’s a work colleague, I lose respect for them but don’t bring it into my career. My job is about 98% female so sexism isn’t an issue (barring toward men and that’s an unfortunate cultural problem). But I did have a weirdly racist coworker. I had to be around her, so I acted confused as to why she’d bring up rascal at all and change the subject. She hinted at wanting to see my house and the like and I never followed through. Not interested in being around her. She’s one of the reasons I never hosted a get together because I couldn’t leave her out. Thank heavens she quit this year. It’s been delightful not to have her around. 

    So remain professional. You don’t have to respect him as a person but you should treat him like everyone else at work rather than causing problems and tension related to something no one knows about and that doesn’t impact his ability to work. I’m sure he got the hint that you weren’t impressed and you don’t have to be friends to be friendly or professional. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    453 posts
    Helper bee

    leebee333 :  edited comment because I didn’t read everything. Let it go. It’s not work related, it doesn’t concern you.

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