Post # 1
When my SO goes out of town I turn into the biggest whimp. (He’s out of town tonight)
BASICALLY, I haven’t lived completely alone for 3 years due to a really bad sexual assault in which I almost died. The police were total scum working my case and because I didn’t know who did it to me they didn’t really try.
Aka.. The guy got off Scott free. Now I’ve moved 2,000 miles away from where that happened but I never feel safe when I’m alone.
Any bees been through something similar? What are some things you did to start to feel safe again?
ive been to therapy and I’m at peace with the situation but still scared/paranoid about being alone at night.
If no one wants to respond to this I COMPLETELY understand.
Post # 3
@Laurenskii: When I was 18 a man grabbed me at a gas station, claimed he worked for a gym company taking surveys (I worked childcare at a gym and was wearing a company shirt), and proceeded to crouch down and massage my upper/inner thigh. He walked away for a split second and I flew into my car and drove off.
I happened to be parked in the one spot without video surveilance. They never caught him, but it terrified me and I was afraid to go out anywhere alone for a long time.
The best thing I have learned to be prepared. Carry mace. I can’t remember the specific type, but there is a specific one they tell you to get in self defense class that cops carry.
Speaking of self defense class… take one. I thought it was going to be lame because I am built like one of those wavy inflatable tube guys in front of gas stations, so I didn’t think I’d ever be able to defend myself. I was wrong. It’s crazy what your body is capable of.
Be aware of your surroundings, too.
And also it helps to have a friend stay with you, so you aren’t alone and you aren’t thinking about it. It’s easy to get wigged out when you’re alone and every sound in the house is suddenly a million times louder haha.
Post # 4
I was raped at age 19 and honestly the fear never really goes away. Its just a sort of hyper awareness/fear that you will have forever in every situation that “normal” people take for granted.
It did take several years before I stopped having nightmares, grinding my teeth in my sleep, but I’m fine staying at home alone and stuff and walking around town by myself. No real advice to help, I’ve found that just time itself helps.
Post # 5
Also, something that really helped me emotionally was to read lots of blogs/articles about empowering women and raising awareness of sexual assault– like teaching men not to rape as oppose to teaching women to avoid rape.
Post # 6
@echapman: I was carrying mace when I was attacked and due to the fact I was being choked out of consciousness through most of it I had no chance to use it …actually didn’t even think of it until he started kicking me. So (for me) mace is useless.
And I can’t find a damn self defense class! Every time I look its for karate or MMA Lol I just want a day of self defense for women only.
Post # 7
Buying a house alarm gives me peace of mind. I don’t think it actually does much to deter burglers, and I forget to set it most of the time, but there’s something about racing to the panel and hearing the alarm set after I spook myself or think I saw something move outside that helps put me at ease.
Also, I carry a small knife with a locking blade in my purse. Again, I don’t think it’s a practical thing, but it gives me peace of mind.
My attack was not on the same level as yours. I was choked from behind while moving down a stair well, and the man tried to drag me up it. I was lucky in that I was able to fend him off, but it still sticks with me, and it still often comes to the forefront of my mind when I am alone in secluded public places.
The biggest thing I can say is you are NOT a wimp. You are a survivor and that is absolutely amazing of you. Do whatever it is that makes you feel more secure, be it an alarm or a blanket, or a baseball bat, or a massive dog, or having a friend have a sleepover party when he’s out of town, or wearing a batman costume, or whatever. Don’t feel shamed by needing reassurance. You’re awesome.
Post # 8
@fiver: sigh, my poor FI still wakes me up from my nightmares bc apparently I’m screaming in my sleep. And I’m afraid of that, ALWAYS having the fear.
Post # 9
@Bracelet00: thank you. I needed to hear that right about now. YOU’RE awesome and I’m glad you got away.
Post # 10
@Laurenskii: I have been there and I know it sucks (not getting into my story we well leave it at I was a kid and have PTSD from it.) The best thing you can do is to take a self defense class, and even learn how to use a gun. Where in Penn do you live? I can try and google some classes for you.
Post # 11
@Laurenskii: One of the things they talked about is to already have your hand on your mace when you are walking to your car or wherever. OR. Take your keys and position them between your fingers like… well, like wolverine. Haha. If someone were to come up to you and you needed to, you could aim for their throat or eyes.
And what we did is a group of girls from my school and I called the local sherriff’s department. They sent a lady and a guy, and they let us practice moves on each other. The man never touched any of us, but the woman helped us position ourselves some.
Maybe you could get a group of your girlfriends together and see if you can request a woman officer to come out.
Post # 12
@solsticedark: 🙁 there are some sick people in this world. I’m so sorry
oddly enough my assault happened in your town. And I live in the state college area.
Post # 13
I would look into regression therapy. I have read almost all of Brian Weiss’ books and he has had success with patients with similar experiences. It’s amazing how quickly their feelings related to past emotional traumas leave.
Post # 14
@Laurenskii: First of all, hugs to you. As a survivor (of childhood abuse), my heart goes out to you and to everyone who has shared on this thread.
I like Bracelet00’s idea of getting an alarm. It may give you some peace of mind when your SO is not home.
What about a dog? I always felt safer when I had my dog nearby.
If I’m afraid when I’m at home alone, I like to find something on TV/online to distract me, something funny and lighthearted.
Best wishes to you, you’re very strong.
Post # 15
@Laurenskii: I’m so sorry 🙁 Houston really is a hole for the most part. I dont’ actually live in the city I’m more towards Galveston. But yea…whenever I am in the city I carry a knife and usually a gun with me. First time having to kick some ass was enough for me not to be willing to play around. From CT origionally tho.
Ok well lets see…not really sure what the state colege area is but I found a few places: http://www.inpax.net/ (they have self-defense and firearm training)
http://www.thumbtack.com/pa/philadelphia/self-defense/ (good search tool just type in your zip code)
http://www.directactiontactical.com/ (self-defense and fire arm training)
The links are bit all over the place but hopefully one of those will be near you.
Post # 16
Never call yourself a wimp! You have survived something that many could not. You are a fighter.
that said, any way you could stay with a close friend or a family member for a couple days? I also find security in being with others