(Closed) Sexual expectations in marriage

posted 7 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
8021 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

What exactly are his expectations?  And what are yours in an ideal setting?  I’m just try ing to see how far apart they are.

Post # 4
1332 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

You will find a rate that fits you guys, it will happen.  

Post # 5
3067 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

He is likely just excited because he hasn’t had it before and is realllyyy looking forward to it ! After the honeymoon he will likely settle down πŸ™‚ I would say just let him be excited and address it (if it even becomes an issue, I think you may be overthinking things) after the honeymoon when eveything goes back to normal!


Post # 7
2417 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

You guys will figure out how to make it work. I agree that since he has never done it before, he is probaby just more excited about it.  And as you know, it won’t be like you guys can just go at it all day. He, and you, are going to need some recoup time between rounds πŸ˜‰

Post # 8
85 posts
Worker bee

Plan on 2-3x a day for the honeymoon! πŸ™‚ I’d say that’s normal but what do I know?!  Whether you’ve had it or not! 

Post # 9
4753 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I see absolutely no reason to bone multiple times a day on my honeymoon. Granted, I’ve been having sex with him for 6 years it’s good and all… but so is experiencing a honeymoon. 

Not to mention my genitals. Hot sex might be rough sex and my body doesn’t need to be abused in such a sexy way multiple times a day. Just saying. 

I suspect that over a 3 week honeymoon we will have sex 15-18 times. No, not everyday.

Post # 10
1001 posts
Bumble bee

Make sure you bring lubricant to minimize chafing (because you probably WILL be having sex multiple times a day while on your honeymoon).  And while he might be planning to have sex nonstop, he’ll be very surprised at how much work it is.  Sex is cardio and weightlifting all rolled into one.  Depending on positioning (in many of the more common positions), he’ll be doing the majority of the work.  It will be an entirely new way of using those muscles, too, since he hasn’t done it before. 

Basically, he’ll end up too tired to have sex non-stop.  You’ll undoubtedly end up having plenty of sex, but you’ll get to do other things, too.  And once the honeymoon is over, the two of you will settle down into a frequency that works for both of you – it’s called compromise.

Post # 11
679 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015


His expectations are unrealistic because your fiance has never had sex.

Once he realizes how exhausting sex can be, his expectations will adjust big time.


Post # 12
7638 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@gapeach30518:  We were virgins, and deliberately didn’t honeymoon anywhere exotic or expensive because we knew a lot of time would be inside πŸ™‚ (Not over the top, sex was like 1-2 times a day, often taking close to an hour, but we did every day except the start of my period). From talking to other friends who were wedding night virgins, I think a lot of honeymoon sex is pretty nornal.

There has been plenty of time for other fun vacations in the months and years since.

But in the end it is up to the two of you to work it out.

Post # 13
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

In addition to what all the other PPs have said, I don’t understand the point of going away to a resort/ traveling for a honeymoon if you plan on spending the entire time in bed in the hotel room. Why not just stay home if all you want to do is have sex? Otherwise, have some sex, then go out and enjoy the resort, have more sex, enjoy the resort some more. Then when you’re home and not at the resort anymore, have more sex. lol

If I am at a resort or traveling somewhere I have never been (honeymoon or not), I want to explore the area!

I don’t look at having a conversation about expectations now as “raining on his parade.” I look at it more as hashing out expectations now in order to avoid a disagreement/ hurt feelings while you’re on your honeymoon.

Post # 14
679 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply

I agree with you. Though most brides I have known were not virgins on their wedding night, frequent sex was common on the honeymoon. My husband and I made love twice or sometimes even three times a day while we were on honeymoon.

Post # 15
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I would actually talk to him ahead of time, in a light/fun way, to avoid disappointment or hurt feelings during your honeymoon!

I have never been in your position but in my business classes we had a really interesting section on customer satisfaction and expectations. Basically a person can have low, medium, or high expectations and then the experienced delivered can be low, medium, or high.

Obviously if the experience is low no one is happy, and if it’s medium they can only ever be “satisfied” but never thrilled, but actually if someone has really high expectations it’s hard to get them really excited because you have to exceed those expectations! Low expectations aren’t the answer either because then they start out grumpy, but if someone has moderate expectations and then a high-quality experience they will have the /best overall memory of the experience/ than any other combination.

Which is a long and boring way of saying, you don’t want him to be disappointed, and if he has really high expectations THE BEST you can hope for is that he gets what he was expecting. But if you cheerfully tell him how excited you are to see XYZ or do XYZ activity on your honeymoon, or when he says you’ll have TONS of sex be like “haha that would be exhausting, but I’m so excited for the sex we WILL have!” or “who knows what quantity will be right for us, but I know we’ll do great on quality!” he can adjust his expectations without it being a whole upsetting conversation and then you can really blow his mind πŸ˜‰

Post # 16
37 posts
  • Wedding: October 2014

View original reply
@TakeTwo:  Exhausting? You make it sound like a chore lol

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