Post # 1
I thought it would be fun to share on here the reactions our ex’s had when we got engaged.
Ill go first. I had an ex from the opposite coast from where i live now. i grew up there. We were on and off for about 5 years. When I moved across the country we kinda stayed in touch but very minimal texting. I got into a realtionship 3 years after i moved here and he started to ramp up his communication with me. Keep in mind the whole 5 years we dated on and off was becuase he couldn’t fall in love with me (his words) he didn’t want marriage or kids or…well me. He claimed damage from his first love on why he was scared of opening up.
Anyways… so i get a Boyfriend or Best Friend out here, we are friends on facebook and he starts to ramp up. (about once a year he would get a girlfriend of his own but they were very short lived, again i could see his facebook) About 5 months into my new relationship with my now fiance, i had to text him and tell him we couldn’t communicate anymore. I drew a boundary and said that it wasn’t right to be texting with him anymore but that we could remain friends on facebook and have a distant following if you will. I had to tell him this because he started to text me drunk and want to call me on the phone etc. He unfriended me, then a few months later added me again. So fast forward to now and I get engaged and post it on Facebook. He unfriends me and texts me that he is happy for me. I say thanks, he then goes into a whole tirade about how if he hadn’t pushed me away like an idiot he would be married to his best friend by now (me). Me being the logical person I am felt like someone had to explain to him that his feelings for me weren’t real.
So i told him i had gone through something similar before and that I knew that the way he was feeling has zero to do with me. I told him that because he hasn’t had much luck dating since me, and since he doesn’t have anyone at the moment, his mind is romanticising what we had 5 years ago but that it wasn’t really about me. He said his feelings were real and he even considered coming to suprise me via plane a year prior but i had mentioned i was dating someone new. Who knows if that is really true or not, probably not. Anyways, he then said he had to go because he didn’t want to cry at work. ok… So i said goodbye and blocked his number and erased it. (This is the same guy that has an online diary that is public but has no idea I know his handle and know it is him, for those of you who remember that thread) I haven’t seen him post anything on that online profile about it. I guess there is some satisfaction knowing you finally won an old breakup? But being so over that past relationship it really isn’t as satisfying as i thought it would be. Plus I am smart enough now to KNOW for a fact that his so called feelings for me aren’t real, he doesn’t even know me anymore so it isn’t really flattering when you know its about his bruised ego and being lonely, not about me.
Well there is my ex story!! He is the only one to come out of the woodwork so far. (I am DYIIING to know what my fiance’s ex-wife thinks about him getting remarried but no one he knows is even in touch with her anymore, oh well!)
Post # 2
You are definitely relishing in their hurt over you getting engaged, very excited to see how his ex wife reacts, are you hoping she’s hurt too?
it seems like you’ve kept tabs on him all these years so it makes sense he would reach out when you got engaged, it sounds like you never cut ties with him and kept him as a friend
My exes were out of the picture but I did date someone for a month and we stayed friends on social media until he got engaged and then married, I realized that he deleted me after he got engaged but I wasn’t attached to him so I didn’t care
Post # 3
If you’re truly over your ex then they shouldn’t be on your radar to the extent you receive satisfaction from their emotional response one way or the other over your engagement.
I think maybe an ex liked my fb announcement of my engagement but otherwise no reaction or interaction.
Post # 4
bibliophilacticbee : the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference, perfect saying for this situation
Post # 5
Sansa85 : Yes 100%.
Dont know, dont care. And my ex and I co-parent so I deal with him routinely. He knows our daughter is loved and well care for by me and my hubby so what do i care what he thinks about our relationship?
Post # 6
Sansa85 : exactly where I was going with my comment. If you’re truly happy in your current relationship then why would you care about your ex and what they think of it?
Post # 7
I don’t know how they reacted because we generally don’t give a shit about each other or keep up with one another’s lives.
Post # 8
I think most people don’t really have a situation like this or experience their ex reacting to their engagement. Usually if you are at the stage of marriage with your current partner you have stopped maintaining contact with an ex.
Post # 9
- Wedding: November 2019 - City, State
Sorry OP, you claimed that “being so over that past relationship it really isn’t as satisfying as i thought it would be”… being over your ex and happy in your new relationship is what should be satisfying, not the fact that your ex still hasn’t worked through their crap enough to have moved on… If any of my ex’s reached out like that because of my engagement, I would feel bad for them for being stuck in that same crappy cycle; not happy they realized they missed out on something with me. I get the satisfaction you can get when someone realizes they screwed up, trust me, I do. But to still be trying to revel in that feeling now seeral years later (and seeming disappointed that its not as satisfying as you hoped it would be)… maybe you haven’t moved on as much as you think you did.
To answer your question, no. None of my ex’s reached out when I announced my engagement. I dont keep in touch with any of them and I have no idea if they keep tabs on or even care about my relationship status.
Post # 10
ladyjane123 : this is a very long post about an ex, his feelings about you getting married, and you seem to get some satisfaction from his attention.
Are you sure you are really to get married?
“I am DYIIING to know what my fiance’s ex-wife thinks about him getting remarried “
I don’t think most people care about what their fiance’s ex wife think? Why do you care?
Are you the type who thinks getting married=winning?
Post # 11
I didn’t get through the whole post but why do you even care about their reaction? Based on a lot of your posts you seem to think that that everyone cares way more about your engagement than they do, ie making a lot of comments about how jealous people get about other people’s engagements, etc.
i don’t talk to the guy I dated before I met my husband, but guys that I had flings with who I still see around were nothing but happy for me when I ran into them.
Post # 12
All but one of my exes… are terrible terrible TERRIBLE ppl. Takling to them would give me PTSD.
At the end of the day I don’t care what any of them think. But I am so blessed it ended and someone else has to deal with their crap and not me. And if they are single then they should stay that way till they change… which they probably wont!
I don’t keep in contact with exes, but I have one on social media. He likes my stuff (engagement and marriage)… but he is happily married himself. Our breakup was after 2.5 years and highschool sweethearts. But it wasn’t some dramatic ending or hard feelings. We have grown up and both been successful ppl in wonderful marriages. What healthy ppl should hope for each other and thats all.
Post # 13
My XH (father of my daughter) texted “congrats!” When i texted him that i got engaged.
My ex boyfriend, who I’m still good friends with, texted “yay! I’m so happy for you! I wish you all the happiness in the world”
Another ex, who saw on Facebook and who i know was initially bitter that i moved on, was still classy enough to text “congratulations!”
I guess i didn’t win because none of them let me see their anguish though?
Post # 14
If you still care about what anyone’s ex feels about your marriage, you’re probably not ready to commit to a marriage. Whether this is simply age-related immaturity (that bit about DYYYYIINGGGGGGG makes you sound like a teenager) or some form of unresolved issues with your ex…you don’t sound ready.
As for my exs. I have zero contact with any of them (my choice). My SO’s exs are mostly chuffed with our relationship, and they’ll probably get a wedding invite.
Post # 15
Sansa85 : Like making a ton of assumptions? I am not relishing nor did i say i was. Im curious what his ex wife thinks because she is kind of an asshole and yeah ill admit I would love for her to see that he moved on and was happy and fine. For her to know she didn’t derail his life at all while she is still single. Petty? Sure. Do I care? NOPE.
Ex boyfriend and I weren’t friends. Text maybe 3 times a year and followed each other on facebook.