(Closed) Share the reactions of your ex's when you got engaged

posted 2 months ago in Engagement
  • poll: Were you contacted by and ex once you got engaged?
    Yes, just to say congrats : (6 votes)
    13 %
    No : (39 votes)
    81 %
    Yes, and they got emotional or wanted to discuss the past and it was inappropriate : (3 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 16
    5327 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: July 2018

    Eh I’m pretty sure assuming you ”won” a breakup means you are relishing, come on now. You don’t have to say it directly for it to be true. ladyjane123 :  

    Post # 17
    2486 posts
    Buzzing bee

    One ex liked my IG post announcing my engagement and then promptly unfollowed me? I did get a “congratulations on your marriage” email from a particularly heinous ex after the fact, which I never responded to. Still not sure how he knew I got married since we didn’t have many mutual friends and my social media is all private. It kinda creeped me out he was keeping tabs.

    Post # 20
    1109 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: City, State

    ladyjane123 :  I feel like yours isn’t healthy though. It’s like you want to show them. You seem to get some twisted satisfaction from people being not happy. Did you imply that your fiance’s ex-wife is single, therefore unhappy? And you sound pleased about it?

    A marriage is a hard thing. A divorce is no less easy. Unless you have done it, reserve your judgement. Believe it or not, the ex wife has contributed to your fiance the person he is, as terrible as you said she was. 

    Post # 21
    389 posts
    Helper bee

    No and I couldn’t care less what any of my or his exes might think.

    Post # 22
    3421 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

    I don’t have any exes or former flings I’m on bad terms with, though I’m not in touch with a number of them anymore. The ones I’m friends with were of course happy for me (otherwise we wouldn’t still be friends) and I didn’t announce my engagement or marriage on social media, so the ones I’m friends with on Facebook likely don’t even know I’m married (we’re friends on there but don’t actually communicate)

    I don’t need exes to feel “bad” about my engagement as a way to feel good about myself. 

    Post # 23
    5407 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2017

    This goes beyond a sense of curiosity, you feel like you win if they feel bad. That’s not a “let me check and see if he’s still on social media every now and then”. This is delighting in someone else’s unhappiness 

    Post # 24
    389 posts
    Helper bee

    I’m curious why his ex still being single even matters at all. For all we know she could be perfectly happy now while single. A person’s happiness shouldn’t be contingent on marital or relationship status.

    Post # 25
    516 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2020 - Clarksville, VA

    As far as I know none of my exes know I’m engaged. Because I never stayed in touch with them in any shape or form. 

    Post # 27
    268 posts
    Helper bee

    OP I think sometimes we don’t always express ourselves well when typing out our reactions/how we feel.

    While I can see how PP read into your post what they did, I’m inclined to maybe interpret it a different way (and maybe I am putting words into your mouth, who knows?). 

    You said you had a five year relationship on-and-off. He told you he couldn’t fall in love with you. After five years of trying to be the right woman for this man, you realized you were never going to be and cut it off. I am sure there was a lot of hurt there. That you invested so much time, that no matter what you did it was never “enough”. Ultimately, you weren’t right for each other.

    Is the satisfaction in the “winning”/he’s hurting? Or is the satisfaction that you’ve moved on, found a healthy relationship, and aren’t entangled with someone who knocked your self-esteem around?

    Maybe I am relating this too much to personal experience, but my ex called me last night at 2:00am. I didn’t see it until this morning. I wouldn’t have answered if I had seen the call. It is Stampede in our city and basically a license to be drunk/hungover for 10 days. It was 100% a booty call. He called me a couple of weeks ago as well and texted saying he just wants to be friends, I’m very pretty, but all he wants to talk about is skiing. A year ago I would have responded. I would have been sucked in again. I would have tried to talk out the “I don’t know what’s wrong with me, you’re the perfect woman, I don’t know why I don’t love you” and continued to take blows to my self-esteem.

    I’m in a stable, happy and loving relationship right now. When I saw he called last night I felt happy (not sure if that is the word). I wasn’t happy that he is chasing me, or that he is trying to cheat on his current girlfriend because I am such a prize, I just felt great that I had moved on, that I felt no desire to engage with him, that I’ve moved on from a bad relationship I invested too much time into, and that I’m with a wonderful, trustworthy guy right now.

    Sorry if this is too much “my spin” and I misinterpreted you.  You might just be petty AF haha. I find it hard sometimes to express feelings on here properly.

    Post # 28
    987 posts
    Busy bee

    Sorry to say but your posts all give off the impression that you see engagement and marriage as a competition. It’s not a race and being engaged or married doesn’t make you better than anyone else.

    Ive noticed this theme with your many posts about your coworker where you felt the need to compete with her and now that you are engaged, you’re happy that your ex gave you a reaction. 

    Thats kind of messed up.

    I think it would be better to keep your head down and worry about yourself and your future marriage and let everyone else live their life. 

    You may think you have “won,” but I think you have a lot to learn 

    Post # 30
    270 posts
    Helper bee

    I’m not engaged yet but I am friends with a few old short term bfs on fb, as well as one serious ex. An ex who was also abusive to me in the past sought out therapy and contacted me for closure (to apologize for his actions and try to clear the air I guess) and he occasionally texts me (birthdays etc)  – we were together for a long time so I try to stay civil, although not overly friendly. They all (especially abusive ex) know I’m in a happy and serious relationship and plan to get engaged soon, and have all been very happy for me. I appreciate the well wishes and wish them all the best too. I have no desire to really “keep up” with their lives  but there are no grudges between any of us. 

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