(Closed) Share your awkward RSVP/self-invite moments!

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 62
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

ugh. i unfortunately have a couple of these stories.

1) one of FI’s friends used to date this girl for a couple years and we would hang out with them all the time, often on double-dates, but sometimes with her roommates.  we all became friends, but were never super close.. we always hung out in a group setting.  FI’s friend broke up with the girl about 10 months ago, and since then we haven’t hung out with her or her roommates (because they weren’t really our friends).  a few months ago, one of the ex girlfriend’s roommates posted on my facebook wall “i am soooo looking forward to your wedding- it’s my birthday weekend that weekend so it will probably be the best birthday ever!  love you guys!”

um, homeboy, you were NOT on the guestlist!  we bit the bullet and invited him but with no +1 (he’s single) but it was mainly to avoid awkwardness.  who does that????

2) we made the mistake of doing the “we reserved ____ seats in your honor” thing on our RSVPs, and TWO of FI’s aunts have taken it upon themselves to include a random stranger instead of a family member on the line of “names attending”.  in both situations, it is a family of 4 where one of the cousins will not be able to make it.  instead of just the 3 of them coming, they are bringing the other cousin’s boyfriend/girlfriend.  both cousins are 17.  so there are like 20 people who it actually hurts my heart that i had to cut from the guest list- but two 17 year olds will be there who we don’t know and have never met.  and their 17 year old “relationships” will likely be over before we get our professional photos back.  it kills me!

Post # 63
Member
1812 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall

I had a whole bunch of people come up to me at my mothers funeral who knew I was getting married soon and point blank say “send me an invitation!” like it was no big deal, and it was their way of “being there” for me in my tough time. I could tell that was what they truly thought, so I didn’t really fault them for their lack of ettiquette knowledge.

I stammered for a bit and agreed to each one who asked, sent out all these invitations, they RSVPed “yes”, and didn’t even freaking show up!!! Firstly, I didn’t invite you, you asked. Secondly, you said you were coming, and didn’t! You do realize that we pay for your meal whether you show up or not, right!? Made me so freaking mad. I had at least 17 people who RSVPed “yes” end up no-showing. That’s a lot of money down the drain.

Edit: Forgot to mention the family member who filled out the “___ of 2 will attend” with a 4.

Post # 64
Member
1040 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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@MapleLeafMel:  Hah!  My Fiance and his brother have both been good friends with a guy who recently got married.  I was expecting both of them to be groomsmen.  The groom FORGOT TO ASK.  My Fiance got a call a couple of months before the wedding, telling him where to go to rent his tux.  Fiance was confused, to say the least.  The groom just kept saying, “I could have sworn I asked you!”  Same story with FI’s brother 😉

Post # 65
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2014

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@ShannonFla:  No, if they couldn’t afford to extend the +1 to you, then they wouldn’t have included it on your invite.

Post # 66
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2014

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@ANGELaaimt:  My BF’s brother was asked to be a groomsman in a semi-friend’s wedding about 2 weeks before the wedding.  At first he thought he was a stand-in for someone who couldn’t make it last minute.  At the rehearsal dinner, he found out that ALL of the groomsmen had been asked 2 weeks out!  Who does that!?!  I mean, they’re all in med school, so the groom *shouldn’t* be a complete idiot…

Post # 67
Member
756 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I am fairly sure we did this a few years ago but I didn’t see the invitations.

My FI’s family was invited to his cousin’s wedding, and his mother RSVPd for all three of the children with dates. I have no idea what it was supposed to be, but I can’t imagine that she intended to invite the dates. The only thing was that all of the cousins brought dates, so maybe it was intentional.

Weird either way, to send one invitation to a family with three adult children none of whom live at home. It was definitely the ***Family on the outer envelope, I saw that much.

Post # 68
Member
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I just send out my invitations a little over a week ago and have already had two funny little situations.

1) We invitied my FI’s Aunt, Uncle, their two daughters (one is 17 and in Gr. 12, the other is in her 20’s and a single mum) and 3 year old grand daughter.  I didn’t even want to invite the 2 cousins/grandkid but Fiance said we had to as we were inviting all the other cousins.

ANY WHO, the Aunt facebooks me and asks if the 3 yr. old sits on her lap, can she bring Alex? I’m thinking… who the hell is Alex? Turns out he’s the gr. 12 cousins highschool boyfriend! Who I’ve never met. Hell, i only see the cousins once a year at Christmas.  

So I reply back that we can’t accomidate +1’s for anyone as we’re having a small guest list.  She replies back and persists in asking if the 3 yr old doesn’t come at all, can Alex come instead?  So this time i write back a longer blurb about how a 3yr old is free (it’s a buffet) but that Alex would add another head cost. Plus I don’t know him. Plus i’ve had to cut people i actually know and like in order to accomidate all of FI’s family, so EVEN if I have some RSVP’s come back as no, the 17 year old boyfriend that i’ve never met is STILL A NO.  ~_~  

I have a feeling that if the Single mum/3 year old don’t come, Aunt C will bring up Alex again. 

2) The other silly little thing was another one of FI’s cousins whose wedding we attended last summer  right after we got engaged.  She said at the time she better get an invite!!! Which is fine, we always intended to.  We didn’t do STD’s but FI’s family is close and our wedding has been the talk all year so I assumed they all knew it was this Aug. So i facebook her last month, get her address, so she knows it ‘s coming up but then makes a weird post about how she’s coming home to the island in July (we live on an island and she’s on the mainland) to visit family.  A diff family member posts on this thread about her coming back in Aug and she replied, what’s going on in Aug!? So i msg her and remind her of the date and that invites went out just last week and her reply?  “ We prolly won’t be able to come but if we do it’ll be super last minute”.

I haven’t replied back but I’m all uhhhhhhhhh, you can’t come super last minute!? I have to submit #’s and have place cards and seathing charts etc etc!!! Who even says that?! 

SO we’re going to wait and see what she RSVP’s and if she replies the same sort of thing, then i’m just going to have to tell her that she can’t come? Because i don’t want to pay for 3 people who most likely will not come? Bah! 

It’s only been just over a week since i mailed them off so i’m sure i’ll see some mroe craziness before it’s done.

Post # 69
Member
60 posts
Worker bee

I think these are one of the trickiest things about weddings. We have a couple.

 

1) Future Father-In-Law who has had very little input into FIs life, only ever communicates with him over Facebook and who I have never met as they live in the states and we are in the UK. Is told that he and his wife will be receiving an invitation. Future Father-In-Law then comes back to say that wifey hates flying so probably won’t be coming so can he bring his ‘travelling companion’ a 30-something ex underwear model who I have never met and Fiance has met once!!

 

2) i work in a small company with maybe 20 ppl. One of my colleagues keeps asking if we have sent invites out which is awkward but if I’m still working there she may get an invite as she is the bosses daughter and I do get on with her okay. However, another colleague who I cannot stand keeps offering ‘helpful’ advice and saying he can’t wait swear the wedding. He is one of the last people I would want to invite to my special day. Not sure how I am going to deal with the work situation really!! 

Post # 70
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee

I have two situation’s in mind.

In the first, I’m the rude arse-hole. My friend was invited to her cousions wedding, it was planned in about three months, the date was brought forward by a year (the father was really ill) and my friend and her mum were both invited. Unfortunatly her mum couldn’t go and I’m not sure how it panned out but my friend was encouraged to invite a friend, we were really close at the time so she asked me. When I was there and learnt about the things that had been going on between the family, and the horrible situation they’d been put it I felt so guilty, especially when different people turned up for the reception. People the bridge and groom knew, loved and cared about, and there was awkward old me who was stomping all over their day.
Also an ex boyfriend was there (on the grooms side) I got abit tipsy and ended up making out with him. Yuk! Then he kept calling me…
I learnt ALOT from that wedding though.

In the second is an upcoming wedding which I am a guest too. I have been invited to the brides hen party, which is in a year. I would love to attend but the bridesmaids are already trying to rope people into paying £85+ for two nights in a hotel. Which I would have no issue with if I had someone to share a room with. I don’t really know the bride (I’ve been dating her brother for the past 18 months and we’re moving in together) and his mum and other sister who I do know have already teamed up with various other people I don’t know so I’d be left sharing a room with random strangers. The fustrating thing is she hasn’t sent the wedding invitations out yet, I cant commit to two dates within a month in a year’s time (especially as the hen party is a three day bonanza) this far in advance. But if I know weather or not I’m invited to the wedding I can make a decision about the hen party. The whole thing is very fustrating (and being organized through facebook) and at the moment it seems more about the bride and groom having a three day party with all their mates than actually getting married!

Post # 71
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee

Shameless bump

Post # 72
Member
3656 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

@SkyChick:  Once someone at work put up a wedding & reception invitation on the bulletin board at work.

Then she got pissy when people didn’t RSVP. Ummm, how am I supposed to know that this impersonal invitation required a personal RSVP? I declined.

Post # 73
Member
729 posts
Busy bee

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@MapleLeafMel:  My boyfriend was in the opposite situation. 2 of our really good friends were getting married and they asked us to be in the wedding party. Months go by… I was getting dressed for the bridal shower or something and my boyfriend says, “I feel kinda left out because you’re in the wedding party and I’m not.” I was like “uhhhhh you ARE the in the wedding party… I was there when we all had this conversation.” The groom just hadn’t asked the guys to do any wedding prep yet and somehow my flakey boyfriend forgot he was a groomsman. 

Post # 74
Member
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

This has been so tough for me!  We’re having a fairly small wedding. I gave +1s to all friends who were in relationships and my bridesmaids. 

I have a single friend who invited her mother.  When I told her that I didn’t think we’d be able to fit her mother she got mad.  Then I got upset and reminded her that she got married in secret and did not invite me or any of ther family so I didn’t get why she’d be upset that I couldn’t fit her mother, who I’ve met probably twice ever. 

Then, Fiance is currently deployed. His roommate in the barracks asked to be invited.  This is after Fiance told him we’re having a small wedding.  He asked to please be invited b/c he’s only ever been to one wedding before.

Another of FI’s friends asked me about train and hotel information.  When I checked FI’s invite list, they weren’t on it.

And my former boss just asked me when the invites will go out!! I wasn’t planning on inviting him even though I do really like him.  If I do invite him, I feel like I have to invite my current supervisor too…and they each have partners so that’s 4 people! 

I’m at a loss for what to do.  I wouldn’t mind inviting them except our space can only fit 100 max and fits more like 80 comfortably.  We’re paying for the wedding ourselves and we had to cut closer friends to fit our budget/space so I’d rather invite those friends than invite these people. Are you all sending invites to any of the ppl who invited themselves to your wedding? 

Post # 75
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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@allyfally:  I’ve also had a co-worker invite herself the same way. Commenting that she had plenty of time to lose some weight! I think that as the time comes to send out save the dates and invites that I’ll be sure to let her know that we decided to have a more intimate wedding and had to prune the guest list! She irritates me on a daily basis anyway – why would I want her there?!

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