(Closed) Share your awkward RSVP/self-invite moments!

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 77
2426 posts
Buzzing bee

@snd485:  No, we sure didn’t. If you don’t want them at your wedding then don’t invite them.

Post # 78
38 posts
  • Wedding: June 2016

I had a friend invite herself to be a bridesmaid, AFTER all my bridesmaids had been named and she knew it! 

Post # 79
257 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

1. I invited my aunt and uncle…the RSVP came back with my aunt, my cousin, and my aunt’s mother whom I’ve never met! Then my uncle facebooks me and asks if I could invite my aunt’s sister and her family too because they’ll be hosting my aunt and cousin while they’re in town. He als offered to “pay for the meals.”


2. My great aunt is bringing her adult daughter, her grand daughter, and a family friend whom I’ve never met. She also offered to pay for the meals.


I really don’t mind extending invitations to these folks, although I do think it’s odd that people actually want to attend the wedding of strangers. I am insulted and shocked, however, that people think it’s cool to offer to pay for meals. I know they feel like they are being curteous, but I feel that it cheapens my day.


Post # 80
6397 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2014

@jordanhughes:  Sounds exactly the same! I cant stand this girl either.

Post # 81
489 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

So far:

Friend of mine – when we were with some friends they asked her if she was coming to the wedding and she said something like, “I was going to check with xxxxx to see if he wants to come.”  Well, xxxxx wasn’t invited…  Now, I am doing invited guests for singles that are dating seriously, but I didn’t do one for her because I didn’t know she was dating anyone seriously.  So I’m OK with inviting him, but why should she just presume that, given his name was not on the invitation or the RSVP (which said 1 seat)?

Relative of Fiance – emailed through the wedding website to ask if she could bring her BF of four years.  Now, I got FI’s family invite list from his mom and they told me several times to just do a single invite for this person, although now I find out that that they know she’s been dating this guy for a while.  So I’m happy to invite him, but I feel like an ass because I didn’t invite him in the first place.

And finally, the kick in the nuts…  FMIL emails me to say that FI’s cousin and his wife will be in town for another wedding the day before, so they will stay on for ours (the town they live in is only about an hour away, so its not like they’re traveling that far), but they will have their young daughter with them, so is it OK if she comes?  

Future Mother-In-Law tells them “of course she can come” without even checking with us!  We are not inviting kids other than FI’s neices/nephews.  If we invited cousins’ kids we’d be increasing our guest list far beyond our venue’s capacity.  We’re already not inviting friends that we actually spend time with just so we can invite family that we never see, and now apparently, their kids that we never see/spend time with…  

Granted, I probably would have said yes, because they will be here in town already with the kid along, and I’m a pushover, but it makes me mad that Future Mother-In-Law would just say yes without even asking us, especially since they are not paying for the wedding, and she knows that we were already concerned about the capacity of our venue.


Post # 82
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Again I ask what’s so fascinating about a wedding that total strangers will go out of their way to come to?? I don’t get it.

But I’ve been lucky in that I have let my Aunt do the dirty work. I get to pass all kinds of messages through….”Make sure you tell them there’s no adding guest.” “Ahhh, no you tell him that he cannot bring his ex-girlfriend.” So it hasn’t been as stressful because I let someone else break the bad news. When possible let someone else tell them…but don’t give in if you can’t afford it or don’t have space for these people.

Post # 83
823 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I just got another one! One of Future Mother-In-Law friends just sent me an email saying she can’t come because the date conflicts with a baby shower for her first grandchild, but both her husband and one of her younger children are still coming. THier older son got married TWO WEEKS ago and they had massive space issues too, you’d think they would get it by now. Gah people.

We also invited the family of the girl who was going to bake our cake, and they have like 5 kids. Well one week after we gave them an invitation she ran away from home. And now I think the rest of her family is coming.

Post # 84
41 posts
  • Wedding: November 2013

I’ve had a couple of these myself…but luckily, the venue is more than large enough to accomodate twice the people I have invited…and the catering is being taken care of by my step-mom who owns her own catering business…


1.) My next door neighbor.  We’ve known each other for about 6 years or more now…but I wouldn’t really call us friends.  He’s loud, obnoxious, and has a tendancy to drink way too much and get even more loud and obnoxious.  He figured out one day that plans were in full effect…thanks to one of my Groomsmen who works downstairs, so he made sure to tell me that he wanted to be kept in the loop.  How do you “accidentally” forget to invite your next door neighbor, and how do you handle the “fallout” that follows?  lol  I will invite him, because their is room…but will sadly be crossing my fingers that he is unable to attend…and of course, I’ll have a bouncer handy to make sure he doesn’t get out of line.  I guess there is one plus to the fact that my venue sits right above a state patrolmans clubhouse…lol 


2.) A client.  I have been working for one of my friends for a little over a year cleaning houses.  She’s been in business for like 13 years so has developed a pretty great raport with many of her clients.  One of our clients, sweetest older gal ever, overheard us talking about wedding plans a couple of months ago…and she was like “OHOOOHHOOHOH  You’re getting married?”  I shook my head to acknowledge and like a young child, she was jumping up and down “OHHHH I love weddings. can I come?”  There is absolutely nothing wrong with it, I love this lady, she makes me smile…but I did find it funny that she invited her self…


3.) Last but not least…the girl(s) that works at the gas station…lol  My fiance and I have lived in this apartment for just about 2 years now, and we’re both smokers…so of course, we’re at the gas station across the street at least once a day.  One day, one of the girls working asked how our day was going…I said “great…just wrackin my brains over some wedding plans”…we chatted briefly about it and she says “I better get an invitation or you’re in big trouble!”  I saluted as if to say “yes ma’am”…lol 


All of these three, well make that 7 (cause there are 4 other girls at the gas station that want to come too), will be invited…and with the exception of the next door neighbor, I’m actually looking forward to them all attending…their self invitation may be a little strange, but I’m totally a more the merrier kinda girl.  I basically get along with everyone I meet…unless you’re a loud, obnoxious drunkard…lol…so I’m happy to have some extras party people in the house 🙂  Aslo honored that people I don’t know so well are excited to participate in my special day 🙂


Post # 85
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I had a friend who was doing an intimate 50 person wedding.  At first she extended the invite to my new boyfriend which was super nice but at the time I said he didn’t need an invite.  Then I changed my mind a week later and asked if he could still come.   I actually realize, now that I look back, that she probably invited someone else during that week when she thought he wasn’t coming.   she was nice and said he could come.

I’m sure that was annoying for her.

Post # 86
493 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Fiance plays on a men’s softball league during summer/fall. There are a few guys on the team that  he knows from high school through mutual friends who are probably classified as “casual friends”. They are still in the “party” phase of their lives and these men are NOT on our invite list! But without even knowing if they were officially invited, told Fiance “dude, we’ll pay for our dinner to be at your wedding!”. 

1. Obviously you know you won’t be invited if you’re offering to pay for you own meal!

2. No way in HELL. 

Ugh, people blow my mind!! 

Post # 87
21 posts
  • Wedding: February 2014

This isn’t a self invite as much as it is a, “I will add a few of my own guests to the list” invite.

My Fiance asked his grandmother to put together a list of addresses we would need for the guest list.  Since she is almost 90, she needed some help doing this, so Fiance called his aunt to enlist her help.  The addresses arrived in the mail last week, and the aunt had taken it upon herself to add her mother-in-law, sister-in-law, and 2 of their family friends.  Now, I do see all but the sister-in-law at Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter, but only because said aunt is a control freak and won’t let anyone else host these events.  Plus, I’ve never really had a conversation with the 2 friends, and I usually try to avoid speaking with the Mother-In-Law because she will talk FOR-EV-ER!  Luck for me, Fiance feels the same way.

Needless to say, those are 4 people who will NOT be getting invites!  The guest list is already well over 300 people, and we can barely afford for half of them to come.  This may make family holidays a bit awkward, but I refuse to invite them if that means I have to cross more of our friends off of the list to do so.

Post # 88
253 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Yesterday I received a phone call from a family member demanding to know the date of my wedding.  “You HAVE to invite me,” he repeated several times.  Umm, no, small wedding, not everyone’s invited, and I’m not going to be bullied into it!

Post # 89
32 posts
  • Wedding: November 2012

FMiL is still irriated we aren’t inviting her friend and her friends daughter.  She even wanted the daughter to take pics (no thank you, we have professionals to do that: 2 videographers and 2 photographers).  Even when I was in the picutre FMiL tried to hook up her son with her friends daughter. Why would I want her there?


I have a feeling she’s going to bring them the day of. There wont be any extra seats so I dunno what will happen.  My family members & finance said not to worry, the would take care of it.  That would seriously irriate me!!!

Post # 90
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

We have had several guests invite a date in leiu of a family member who was otherwise unable to attend. It hasn’t been an issue, as no one has exceeded their ‘number of seats reserved’ on their RSVP! Slightly disappointing to see cousins replaced with dates, but I’m sure it will be a great day even with a few strangers in attendance!

My 22-year-old cousin has been dating a very nice girl for less than a year and they moved in together within the first couple of months of their relationship. We didn’t initially invite her, but my aunt insisted that since they live together, that we invite them as a couple. I was actually expecting more pressure from family members to allow cousins to invite dates, so we happily went along with it.

Last night, we heard that a family friend had RSVPed alone (without his wife) because their adult son with special needs was not invited. I told them we are inclusive and that all three of them can come. Generally, we are not inviting ‘kids’ of close family friends (whether they are tiny or grown because the guest list would explode if we invited EVERYONE), but this situation is obviously an exception because they are his caregivers.

Oh and I TOTALLY invited myself to my previous roommate’s wedding. We lived together for 2 years in college and were very close, and my SO (Now FI) and I were together when she started dating her SO (whom she married), so we spent a lot of time together. They got married right after we completed college and I loved talking about her wedding with her. About a month before the wedding, we realized we had not received an invitation and were very confused. We ended up being invited 1 WEEK before the wedding, and we attended! Our calendar was cleared for that day anyway, ha! When you are that young, you are clueless about weddings and how truly expensive they are!

Post # 91
1308 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Lol, my Future Mother-In-Law was so excited Fiance and I got engaged she told her WHOLE family about it. People she hated (including her mother, who she has no relationship with and hates, and who hates her back…who we now have to invite to avoid drama?? O______O), people Fiance has met once in his life, people Fiance hasn’t seen since he was child, etc.

And then she sent us a looooooooong list of 40 people (for our 60 person max wedding) to invite and all of their addresses and her guess on whether or not they would come. But we should invite them anyway because it’ll give us presents! (Because I’m a present monger, apparently???)

Needless to say, we said “Ok thanks!” and then Fiance went through and checked off people he actually WANTED to invite and we invited those only. Hell no I’m not paying for 40 extra people.

It’s still awkward, though.

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